now, arent you little people proud of me? i didnt touch the com for like TWO days. (okay. so maybe i cheated a bit here and there but i didnt hang ard long enough to update!)

anyways, i am SERIOUSLY running out of time to study all that i have to. today stayed back with sheena, charmaine and lilin to study in the school library. it was supposed to be just me and sheena but since the two were there too, might as well just join in right?

it turned to be rather fruitful! (: happy happy happy. (: sheena, i know you wont be reading this, but you'll make one hell of a lousy exam paper setter! right lilin? :p

niz is over again. this time she's sleeping over! YAY. she's bathing right now. we're gonna mug away like nobody's freaking business! WOOHOO! GO US! (now, arent you proud of me for the SECOND time today? :D)

I DO NOT WANNA FLUNK MY AMATHS PAPER.

so fatmah's gonna help me tmr night! YAY. i think things are finally falling in place. (sort of anyway. like i said before, i'm easily satisfied.)

anyway, there's been much talk about the "tcher-student blog war", so to speak. me? i think it sorts of speaks for itself it's just that we dont take note of these little thingies that actually matter a lot.

like for example, it's only normal for people to want to know what others think of them without actually being so forward about it. so naturally, tchers, who've come to know that many of their students have blogs, would take the time and effort to actually google up their names to find out whether the students are bitching about them read up.

to know more about our lives, in a slightly different light, to snoop around and be busybodies, to dig dark skeletons we care to share with our peers only (in a sense, though it's actually the entire WORLD). or like, my mum said, they just want to know more about us so they can i dont know. can relate...? to us better?

and us being us, may be tactless and get carried away with whatever we're feeling at the moment (it's called out of control rage and being a typical teenager with that normal dosage of angst), and hence blog without even a hint of sensitivity. so yes. we may write too harshly and be totally ignorant of the tcher's feelings cos HEY! tchers dont read blogs what!! (oh how wrong can we get.)

but you see right, if the tchers do track down their students' blogs and read it regularly, and they happen to come across something brutally honest but painful, it's their own doing right? they did after all read up on their own accord, they werent forced to read.

i mean, there has to be a reason why the student mentioned blablahblah. though there's definitely some exceptions who really just trash out EVERYTHING they want. (honey, you're talking to the world in that page of yours. NOT YOUR DAMN DIARY COS IT'S NOT A DIARY DAMMIT!).

plus those who can get really mean and tactless (hmm. self included here. but that's besides the point.) as well as those who dont take any precautions at all when writing a post.

BUT. i also think that xiaxue's partially right. scan throught the comments too while you're at it. and i say scan cos at last count, it had "468 freaking comments!!" so you get an idea.

(talking about the JC students getting suspended for flaming their tchers) are they abusing their power? why cant they talk it out like what civilised people do? why the need to make such a big deal out of it? i mean. i dont know lah. THREE days of suspension leh!

it could be that the students went too far. cos they never really mentioned what exactly the students wrote. there definitely is a line we cant cross. but who sets it? the tchers? the principals? and just exactly how far is too far?

can we at least say what we feel but phrase it nicely? or we can only write rosy and peachy (albeit FAKE FAKE FAKE and LIES LIES LIES) stuff about tchers/principals? that would be pretty extreme, dont you think?

but it's quite sad. shows that singaporeans arent willing to be open minded or that we (students) are just insensitive spoilt brats (which i do care to protest to!). we cant do this, we cant do that. what's happening right now, may be deemed simply as freedom of speech by those of other countries. but it's true lah. we cant be too cruel.

it's a two way thing. but still. i find this rather disturbing, somehow.

the question is...

is it the abuse of power for personal reasons? (like cos they dont like that particular student)

so ladies. what do you think?

drama drama drama... what more can i say?

well, plenty actually.

i would like to seriously see her suffer before my very eyes. i know revenge is bad blahblahblah. but y'know what? right now, i dont give a damn. i'd love to be the one with the upper hand for once. i'd like to see her beg and plead for my mercy. and of cos, being me, i'd be more than happy to watch her at it as long as possible. i'd enjoy every moment of it.

for me, for you, for all of us. *for that extra pinch of drama!

malicious, and dont i know it. (: but come on now. give me a break please.

one word. pathetic.

i'm not the first. hell no man. guess i'm just so unlucky then. must be the cluttered study table. bad feng shui. and my windchime, hanging on my room window, broke ytd! so that was a sign. =/

of cos she didnt return it to me. whoever who asked whether i got it back is just too ..... (i dont even have the word for it.) i mean hello? it's her. *rolls eyes* whatever.

it was my mum. NOT MY BF you assuming.. assuming.. assuming WOMAN! (cant be too explicit here). anyway, ms nair called my mum. haha. came back to a very intersting sight i thought i'd nvr see. MY MUM PLEADING WITH ME!! (well sort of lah)

*enters the door*
mother: omg huda!! i'm so sorry lah girl. i didnt know your shool wasnt over yet! *rushes to me*
me: *oblivious to the fact that ms nair called* wah ma! you psychic is it?!?!!
mother: no. *rolls eyes* (my mum actually ROLLED her eyes. at ME.) your disipline mistress called.
me: oh. *trying to appear cool, calm and collected and not the even disturbed abt it*
mother: so what happened?
me: *blabbers story on and on and on (vulgarities included)*
mother: oh. how come you didnt off your phone? (see? she's trying to turn the tables here!)
me: how come you called when i've not even finished school?
mother: tsk. what kind of daughter do i have? *looks up. (questioning the big guy upstairs i suppose)
me: a perfect one who doesnt blame you at all MOTHER. (emphasize on the last word. for effect purpose? haha)
mother: hrmph. *goes back to the kitchen to continue cooking or sth but i thought i saw her smile. (:

HAHA. it felt good for a while. my case is "special". my mum doesnt have to go down to claim back my phone. (theft no? taking it w/o my permission. in a really twisted way lah. BUT STILL.) some papers have to be signed and whatever.

goodness. uncalled for man. even my mum said it was made into such a big hoo ha. *rolls eyes*

anyway, today was pretty dry i suppose. went into panic mode somewhere in between school hours. realised how much i'm left to study. can die, i swear!

went to read that person's blog. she will NEVER beat clara! yes! go lock! HAHA. supportive me. (:

okay. that's all. i really have to break this habit of my blogging each day. but i cant. it's pretty addictive. to me anyway. ciao babes!

omg. tomorrow's malay paper! shitshitshit.
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[edit] edited out some stuff. cos i realise i was being a little tactless and well, it's risky? considering abt the 5 JC students that got suspended for whatever they wrote abt their tcher and VP (mb's blog). no no. i'm not gonna be that careless. read his latest entry. the comments are so true man.

it's true you know. if we cant blog about what we feel and all, then what IS the point of a blog? they talk about freedon of speech.. oh WAIT. WHAT FREEDOM? we cant talk about tchers, schools, obvuously not about politics. we'd probably be singing "Jailhouse Rock" inside, well, the jail. (underage tho. but nvm, that's the idea.)

i mean we are so restricted as a student/singaporean. it's quite sad really. cos we arent "allowed" to do what one in another country would deem simply as freedom of speech. i mean, i doubt there's a singapore version of Bush blog? (if there is then that person is just plain nuts!)

okay.more abt this whole saga in another post.

oh yes. check out my "links" page. decided to just add the links there. and do without that entire "great links" page. cya ard. [10.22pm]

ps: demi moore and ashton kutcher tied the knot! like whoa! on sat night.

i just lost an entire. LONG entry. gah. sucks like no shit. wont be bothered to type it all out again. a summary it shall be then.

school was rather lame. apart from the laughs and the juicy interesting gossips i got to know! (:

had a study date! WITH MY BF.

kiss my ass lah.

niz came over straight after school. (: transformed my living room into a lovely, cozy study den! i even took out my portable study lamp and attacherd it to the coffee table okay! so funkay. yeah! so from now on, i'll be SO motivated. wait, that's like the millionth time i've said that. but the outcome? gosh. i'm pathetic.

ok then. ciao babes! a short one today yeah? apparently, unlike many others (secret muggers included), i've yet to switch into nerd mode.

here's to me and nerdism!! cheers!

oh. and...

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY FAIZAH!!
(didnt see you the whole day lah babe!)

there's this bus conductor who's out to get me. gross man. hello, if the bus driver lets me pass as a student, which i AM, then why the hell do you care whether i really am or not? yes i know, the damn ezlink card's an indication that i'm a student. but i dont have it. and you know, i pay adult fare when i'm not in school uniform ALL the time. only when i'm like in the most basic of all basics, jeans and tshirt, do i dare to pay 55cents.

WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO BRING MY BIRTH CERT ALONG JUST SO YOU'RE SATISFIED THAT I'M A STUDENT?!

&%#$!%

bloddy shit. he pisses me off man. and hello. he totally recognizes me cos he's the SAME GUY who's usually in 8 in the mornings.

i hope his daughter gets her heart broken a million times then run away from home which OBVIOUSLY doesnt provide sufficient love, making him feel guilty cos he's a lousy crap of a father. HUH.

and if he doesnt have a daughter, i hope his son gets tekan like shit when he goes to NS!! and then curse HIM for not training him enough and for not even warning him that NS is tough.

and if he doesnt have kids at all, then i hope he grows old and lonely and sad and pathetic. cos apparently, the only amusement he gets is when he catches, innocent angelic girls like MOI, who doesnt have an ezlink card and hence prays each time that the bus driver is kind and nice.

BUT NO. the conductor is BOSS! woohoo! come on guys! let's all give him the respect he deserves cos he's DA MAN YO!! the conductor dawgs!! SO FUNKAY!! YEAH MAN. let's give him that rapper shake cos HE'S TOO COOL!

UGH. *pukes*

at least i know i'll grow old gracefully and know better than to sulk and be all moody all the time so i wont get as many crow's feet and wrinkles as YOU! and hey, just a tip or two, those lines on your forehead? it shows that you're stressed and OLD. AND how come your forehead's so high and broad? cos your hairline's slowly, but surely, receding!

HAH! LOOO-ZAH!

he was looking kind of dumb with his finger and his thumb in the shape of an "L" on his forehead.


***

*calmed and soothed already*

anyway, today's tuition session was pointless. cos i only did the chapters that i'm most confident in. algebraic manipulations and then some. the questions in the TYS are damn chicken nuggets lah. it's so useless cos cedar wont give such questions anyway. =/

oh yes. my dad has a hidden talent. he can cook! like really cook cook. like the hotel kindda stuff. he cooked our lunch today. it was chicken thigh with all the fancy fancy thingies. he even made his own potato salad plus his very own marinated sauce and what nots.

omg. so darn interesting. he mentioned something about it being a possibility that he can open a catering company.

i'm not quite sure if he was kidding or for real. HMM.

it's 9.18am now. waiting for my dear family to get ready so we can have breakfast at McDonald's. across the road. :D i love the location of my block sometimes.

anyway, i had a sudden need to blog a few minutes ago. cos last night i had this totally funky, whacked dream. unfortunately, it's a little to personal for my liking. so no, i'm not gonna tell you about it. what i can say however, is that it had really dramatic climaxes and dips. like whoa. seriously. you cant imagine.

also, i came across this quote while bloghopping about last night. i love her blog . thought it was worth mentioning. somewhat crude, but so true all the same, yes?

Life is like a dick. Fuck it when it's hard.

decided to change the "wishlist" thing to "great links".

but wtf. that page has errors! oh well. i tried. just too bad for you then! cos the links are really fab sites! no kidding.

why the change? cos i realise the wishlist is really rather useless. i mean, if i want it, i shall just demand it on a post okay? so you lovely readers can chip in, in one huge project, TMHHP aka The Make Huda Happy Project and continue worshipping me! (:

hmm. now i realise that this entry is so ego. but oh what the hell! whatever pleases me, yes?

okay then. ciao babes. back to geog. bleh. me dont like.

[edit] NOBODY HAS SIGNED MY GUESTBOOK!! wtf? I POUT. you people suck lah! you read then dont sign!!

%!$!*&#!&*@!

i hope an evil old woman pours tar all over your hair! huh. useless YOU. (yes. Flowers In The Attic.)

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
2. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
3. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
6. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
8. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself later for staying when things are not better.
9. The only person you can control in a relationship is YOU.
10. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
11. Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
12. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
13. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
14. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
15. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
16. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
17. Never let a man define who you are.
18. Never borrow someone else's man.
19. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
20. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
21. NOT all men are dogs.
22. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
23. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
24. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
25. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
26. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
27. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

how come use numberings then i cant change the colour?

anyway, it's from this blog i frequent daily. heh. thought it'd be good to just know. it may not be of direct relevance to us. being only just 15 and all. but you know, there's no harm knowing the tricks of the game. (:

omg! cyndi lauper's "girls just wanna have fun" is playing now! omg! flashbacks of last year! hoobastank! HAHA. that was really funny.

oh. i slept in my brother's room last night. after going all "in depth" on darkness and all. ugh. got the better of me i guess. bleh.

i'm brave but i'm chickenshit.

so? *puts chin up defiantly*

sometimes i wonder what it would take to make things right. it's really hard to maintain friendships. sometimes i think i too, get confused and wrapped up in whatever it is i'm wrapped up with at the moment and well, leave some things be... forgotten?

i dont know really.

it's like you know the killer green eyed monster? well, jealousy strikes me pretty often. (read: britney spears) but well, it's runs far deeper than just that. it's like...... you know when you feel as though you're supposed to be some place else instead of wherever you are? like you want to break free of all responsibilities and just run wild and free.

reality check: not possible

i just think that sometimes too many things take to much effort to continue to keep it that way. i mean why cant it be just black and white? why the need for all the greyer parts in life? why the need to confuse us and just leave us all the more jammed in reverse?

speaking of the past and flashbacks (liane's influence here), i've been having quite a number of those recently. it's true you know. they just suddenly hit you in the weirdest moments.

you're laughing your head off one moment in the mrt, a side glance at this girl who looks like someone you know, and it strikes you. and then you feel the whole experience all over again, as though it just happened a second ago.

and it hurts. it pains. it angers. it makes you wanna inflict violence upon the first person who does the slightest thing, unknowingly, to provoke you. it pisses you off. it sucks.

no shit.

so yes. bad memories.

that aside, had our english paper today. i found it relatively alright. (should i eat my words now in case i end up doing horribly?) it was a good start (read: involves a certain someone (x). to keep me rather calm and you know, refocus my attention somewhere else. instead of just worrying my ass (!) off. cos really, the first paper sets the tone for the rest to follow suit.

paper one, section one was a good one. IT SCARED THE BLOODY LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME!

hello? how exactly are you supposed to think rationally when you dont even understand the questions?

1. Foreign brides
2. Describe an incident when you were a recipient of a magnanimous gesture.
3. 'Young Singaporeans lack the adversity quotient'. Comment.
4. A remarkable coincidence.
5. Some people fear darkness while others find it intriguing. How do you feel about it?

hrmph. along with probably half the cohort, i chose the latter. it's the simplest, no? i cant do narrative cos i tend to get the whole story tangled in one big mess, going completely out of point. unless of cos i spend hours pouring over it. that privilege, of cos we didnt have. as for the rest, either i didnt comprehend it or i just didnt have enough content.

initially however, i did write out some points for "Foreign brides". abt the new paper article and how men find Singaporean women to hard to manage so they'd rather pay for simple Vietnamese wives blahblahblah. but realised i had too little content.

i wrote about feeling a good mix of both regarding the dark. more things to write about and well, that is truth. however, i think my tone may be a bit too informal. grr.

oh yes. and i think blogging helps you improve your english. cos you're still writing, though informally. and you definitely have to put some thought into what you're about to blog. so it helps. (:

paper two. it was about McDonald's history. it's outdated though. i think the content was based in the year 1999. it was pretty okay for me i guess. no doubt the vocab part is a complete gonner. gah. i hate that, right behind the summary.

i'm just hoping that the markers would realise the papers were tough and that that shoud be a sufficient enough reason for them to be lenient. please i'm begging you!

***
after the paper, me, naz and dirah lunched at PP macs before heading to NLB. it's darn cool. but there were no seats! so we gave up and ended up loitering about in bugis junction. a waste of time. =/

but it was still good laughs all the same. (contradicting, but who cares)

okay. that'd be all for now. let's just hope for the best. ciao babes.

I need Einstein's preserved brain!

you know what. i'm so materialistic broke it's beyond belief. (i miss that show!)

i want shitloads of things. which i obviously cant get unless i rob a bank, try my shit best to cajole my folks till i just ooze fake all over OR i could just pray they'd fall off the sky.. though there's always the option to starve and save. but no, i dont suffer from an eating disorder.

grr. pissyfying. if i were to update my wishlist, i swear, it'd be SO LONG. PLUS i'd probably die of greed if you really know all that i want. not to mention that i'd appear so.......demanding? and of cos i'd prefer that to not happen cos i'm your sweet, accepting angel. cant you just FEEL the glare of my halo? i know. (:

anyway, today was a good break. :D it's nice to wake up at 11.30, knowing millions out there trying not to die of boredom listening to (insert tcher's name here) yak on and on and on. gloating over people's misery is something i enjoy. i mean, you know. this kind of misery. not poor people dying of starvation, natural disasters, etc.. kind. *sigh

anyway, since i gave up on yahoo photos, cos i think they really dont like me for some whacked reason, i shall just post pics here. (*deep breath. that was long.)

remember two weeks ago when me and naz went to feast at breeks? yep. now's your turn to feast. (:


we found it!


you have no idea how good it was. mmmm...


naz had baked rice. damn. that was good too.


we sinned...


and sinned!


the super funky collage deco


this looks so fairytale! like *ting* fairygodmother appears!



boo. not as magical anymore..

great. now i'm startting to yearn. gah. back to surds now. *groannnnnnnnsss*ciao babes!

ps: yeah. it's in the lavatory again. :D the taka one. heh.

hey again. i decided to be more cheerful. like what mother says, smile more! :D no, not in denial, as a matter of fact the exact opposite! like what morrie says (Tuesdays with Morrie, fab book), you let the emotion in, let it fill your whole being, then you detach yourself from it.

By throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely... And only then can you say, "All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment."

so yes. a lighter topic.

hair products. (no, this is not the cue for you guys to laugh hysterically.)

i tried to be funny last week when i ran out of shampoo and conditioner. i bought those cheapo kind. you know, trying not to conform and all. oh god. what an experience. a horrible one.

bleargh. it was a rude wake when i realised that my hair's texture's rougher within the NEXT HOUR when it's not wet anymore! (not that it was even smooth in the first place. curly=frizz, little or not, but it was at least soft and nice to touch. i hope. =x) and the conditioner? shit lousy.

i feel like googling the brand down, then pixelate the brand or something. cos really. it was freaky. but i'm not gonna be so mean lah. i'm nice, remember? (:

those who have fine, silky, smooth hair by nature, you basically have a wide range of shampoos to choose from. but for those, whose hair's like mine, hmm. let's just say it's a different story entirely yeah?

i here, love to experiment with lots of toiletries. i change shower creams alternate with various bar soaps (which arent too bad btw), shampoos, conditioners, facial wash, toothpaste and toothbrushes. so yes, i'm rather experienced in knowing what's good and what's not. but then again, there's always the fact that everyone's unique (bah. the ultimate paradox man), hence the body type's different, hair's different, etc.

for ME, the best shampoo-conditioner combi is by far Loreal Elseve anti-dandruff shampoo plus Herbal Essence conditioner (you can keep switching the "flavours" of the conditioner cos they all basically smell and the results are the same but the rocking most shiok is the Rose one! doesnt hurt cos it smells sexy too!)


a rocking combination. does wonders for texture and staying anti-dandruff.

i've yet to try out many other brands, but well, these are my current fav. oh yes, one toiletry i NEVER change is my deodarant. i swear by Lady Speed Stick.

cos it's so effective! it really does keep you fresh the whole day. inclusive of days with jogging, pe, parades. IT WORKS. (free advertisement. will i get freebies if they come across my blog? *hopeful but deluded*)

speaking of advertisements, there's been much talk about commercialisation/how the world progressed thus far, whatever that comes close and how they manipulate the world, especially us youngsters.

like for English, we've done too many comprehensions on that plus we even took a "closer" look at it and discussed about it i class. (the newsweek article)

this reminded me of the recent summary we did. the first sentence made me feel so freaking small and pathetic cos i realised i didnt comprehend it.

Communism is the doctrine of the conditions of the liberation of the proleteriat.

like whoa lah. but upon reading the entire article, it gets easier cos they explained the entire thing. yadayadayada.

***

anyway, just now my mum called me to watch this show on suria. it was abt blogs and stuff. how come there wasnt such a hoo ha back when it first exsited in 1998? (yes, i was eight, but still. i wonder if the americans made such a big deal out of it, like what we're doing right now.) WE here includes lots of people.

okay. nvm. i think i shall stop my mad mutterings. and HEY. DO SIGN MY GUESTBOOK so i wont appear too pathetic okay? come on! you guys have high EQ right? able to empathise with me, yes???

SO GET TO IT ALREADY.

love ya! ciao babes! :D

ps: i do realise that this entry has lots of out of place stuff. like jumping of topic A to a sudden T or sth. shit, i'm starting again. okay BYE.

pps: i think rocking's my new fav word. back to maths. *SIGH

made some changes. and created a guestbook. do sign alright? under "shout outs". thanks! and the disclaimer thing. the parts abt not asking people to make templates? dont bother. cos that's the only thing that i dont agree. cos well, faizah did help me right? oh yeah. and that part abt the receiving hundreds of messages a day. uh uh. complete fiction.

do not assume. it's the golden rule in my blog man. obey or get upset. pls dont speculate.

***
mariah carey can be really depressing sometimes. she and her old sappy songs. gah.

the talk today was great. charis patrick rocks! haha. i wanna be like her when i grow up. cos she's gonna make one hell of a funky mum! she's one charismatic speaker too. so cool.

on a side note...

feeling the weight of a couple of things on my shoulders right now. a girl can only carry so much. why does it have to be so? i thought things were fine. i guess not.

this is MY blog. so i'm gonna rant as and when i wish.

like now.

why do some people seem to be more influenced than others? why cant they stand on their own two feet? why cant they be more independent? why cant they be supportive? why cant they clear the damn air? why do they keep everything inside? why do they just shut up, take it all in and accept when they should have bloody hell defended? why do they think others dont know what they're doing? why is it that this seems to be a fuckingly vicious cycle that never ceases? on the contrary it gets even more intense and heated? why do they act as though it doesnt matter when it totally does? why do they think others are just crap? for them to put away and dump one side and then they can easily retrieve it back whenever it feels convenient? why do they hide behind many different facades? as though the world is blind enough to not see it? why the pretense? why do they think that what they do doesnt matter to other people? why dont they try to probe a little further? why cant they realise that they matter? a whole lot? why do they just drift and disappear into thin air? why dont they care? why cant they understand that it takes two hands to clap? that it takes two to tango and what not? why cant they get that there's always this period where enough is enough and the need to settle it once and for all is so damn necessary? why dont they do anything about it?

why why why oh why?

qualities i need in a great friend: reliabilty, loyalty, flexibility, honesty, understanding. feel free to state your needs. may be willing to accept and do something about it.

READ: DO NOT ASSUME OR SPECULATE.

missed me? i know. (:

been pretty motivated to mug my ass off these past few days. good me. GO HUDA!

managed to accomplish quite a lot today. joy! i realise that studying is really great fun. the sense of satisfaction of learning something new? overwhelming.

but you see right. now, it's supposed to be revising period. not learning period. see the difference? precisely. the price you pay for blanking out during lessons half the time i guess. learnt my lesson alright. for real this time. really. (albeit a little too late. but still learning all the same.)

found a nicer place to hang and mug. apart frm bk. and i'm loving it. jeremy! haha. *insides (:

you know when pushing the power button a few minutes ago, i had plenty to say. but, as repetitive as it goes, i cant rmb a thing right now. hmm.

ok. this is such a boring entry. sad to say. but well, there's bound to be times like these yeah? so bear with it. you wont die. (:

it's true you know. about people saying when it comes to studying, once you get into the rhythm, it's smooth sailing all the way.

maziah's helping me out with this thing i wanna try to do on this blog. lots of difficulties! difficult to navigate! braidings! rapids and waterfalls! fast flow of water!

HAHAHAHA. being lame. geog. i like map reading. (: although...

i'm so scared i could pee in my shorts right now. just the mere thought of it.

MATHEMATICS.

*pukes out a lifetime's worth of food storage?* eww. impossible too. but who cares, really. not me.

hunt down the coffins of those dead mathematicians NOW! they deserve to lead a double whammy death twice the pain!

ps: i dont quite know how to use "double whammy" but it sounds cool and seems to fit the sentence anyway.

countdowns:

first paper: 2 more days
killer papers: 15 days
fasting month: 13 more days
MY 15TH BIRTHDAY: ONE MONTH

testing:
My Beautiful Woman

[edit] omg it bloody works lah! go geocities! more importantly, GO BSB! WOOHOO! :D

ok ok siew hwee. so i took it frm someone. haha. but YOU pushed me! i took out the "get your own hugs" thingy. so now, you guys cant have it! HAHAHA. but i bet you can google it down. so it's basically pointless.

oh yes! have you watched britney's mega mix video? omgosh. it's so damn rocking! go watch it! she's a MOMMY!! hehe. cute. (random, but who cares.)

***
one of my recent pet peeves...

when people discuss abt religion so darn openly, scrutinize, criticise it and then when people who take offence thrash abt it in their own blog, rebutts in such an obnoxious way.

no, i'm not only talking abt my religion. any religion for that matter.

and no, that does not mean that i'm not open minded or that i cant take controversies or that i'm stuck in the stone age or what have yous.

it's just that i think people should be more considerate and at least take the very decency to try to be objective and not so obviously against it.

and another thing. blogwars. i cant stand it. it's all so.... passe? i mean hello, it's even a sign of cowardice. why let the world know that you're an anti-(insert religion here)? (and dont give me the crap abt maybe the other party is halfway ard the globe. cos there's still this great invention called the email.)

okay. i think that's enough venting for one post. hopefully i've not offended anyone in this entry (apart frm those i've aimed to) cos really, i didnt mean to. an apology in advance, yeah?

it's 12.27am. i dont feel like sleeping and neither do i feel like mugging. so what else is there to do apart frm going online? (actually there is. i could get started on that book i loaned from clara. (maybe i should start doing this linking thing.)

***

i've been a helpful little angel this past weekend. helping mother out in like every way possible. i deserve a trophy. someone gimme my deserving cert to while you're at it!

oh, and my mum says that i dont smile much. and when i dont smile, she says i look fierce and so extremely moody and unreasonable (how she came up with the latter, is beyond me. i bet it's a hint for me to change that abt me. hrmph. subtle but deadly huh? mother, you're real scheme-y sometimes.)

correct me if i'm wrong, but i think i smile often enough. dont i? *smiles widely in this totally ridiculous way*

gah. my mum and her weird out of place, out of nowhere and totally uncalled for comments.

this is just great. cos now i'm conscious when i'm not smiling, thinking should i smile more?

Start every day with a smile and get it over with. ~W.C. Fields
how so very untrue in my case then. *frowns*

whoops. i meant *smiles* damn, that just isnt right. (if i replace the *frowns* with a *smiles*)

ok. enough jibberings. ciao babes. (i think this will be my signature sign off.

smiley enough for ya? ((: oh and yes. you're not seeing things. it WAS taken in the shool toilet. x)

i woke up a couple of hours ago and nearly died of heart attack. serious.

MY EYEBAGS WERE EXTREMELY PUFFY AND THEY LOOK SUNKEN TOO!!

omg. wth happened? anyways, cucumbers and their astringent qualities should just go and die. it doesnt work. well, let's just say the results vary all the time!

or maybe it wasnt cold enough? or i took it out too soon. OR my bags are that bad! *gasps

well, wtvr it is, they better cease soon. cos i wont be able to take refuge in my house anymore! tution, rmb? oh gosh. c'mon eyebags! you can do it!

oh and i didnt manage to catch "the mexican" last night! grr. although i've watched it before. but still! silly me fell asleep in front of the tv. that's becoming a routine. bad bad bad.

oh yes. made some changes in this blog too. nice? i know. you guys better give me hugs okay! and you saw it first here! (: if you do wanna put in your blog, must write something like "wouldnt be made possible without huda!" or "contributed by huda" or something like that. :D

okay. something's SO extremely wrong with yahoo photos. ugh. frustrating the crap out of me!

anyway, here's a photo of britney looking so hot! :D

and once again, i'd have to emphasize the fact that i AM straight.

oh gosh. now i have to go get ready for tuition. i'm afraid to look into the mirror! oh you darn bags!

here again. cos i'm waiting for 10.30 to come. so i can watch my show.

anyway, had spaghetti for dinner. my mum and i only. since my dad and hakiem went with abg razif and mirza to fetch kakak idayu who's back frm koh samui! (wait, is that even the right spelling?)

while eating, my mum suddenly said "dont you know how to eat your food properly!?".

i was wondering wth she was referring to. she was talking abt the chicken. cos i didnt eat the other part of the wing. the meatless part.

my mum is the sort of super clean eater. you know the kind that the plate is usually spotless with hardly any scraps. and then she starts talking abt how i dont know how to eat properly.

and i realise that there is some truth in that.

1) i dont know how to peel prawns with fork and spoon
2) my aunt was pushed to teaching me how to eat rice with my hand when i was 9!
3) i dont know how to eat crabs, not really
4) i only knew how to use forks and knives combi when i was 10
5) i'm horrible when eating pastries with fork and knife (eg the delifrance pastries)
6) i cant eat "clean" for nuts
7) i have trouble eating clams cos they like to stick to their damn shells!
8) i dont know how to twirl the spaghetti ard the fork
9) i cant use chopsticks properly, though i act as if i do
10) i'm a messy eater. i cant do without tissue.

isnt that just so irritating? sheesh.

oh SHIT. either my com's cuckoo, or the speakers are going nuts. i cant hear a thing. wtf's wrong now?!

anyway, ytd, me, clara and jazzy were talking abt who we forsee with what kind of life in 20 years time. thinking very far ahead huh. well, i asked ppl what they see me in 20 years. and i do NOT like the response! bleargh.

i only the fact that clara sees me driving a black car. not toyota jazzy!

a housewife? a prison warden?! i swear man. that just plain sucks.

we were also talking abt how freaky it would be when 20 years down the road, we read in the papers that a classmate of ours has just comitted suicide. how so damn freaky lah.

i know we dont really think abt it. buit can you imagine how everyone will be like 20 years from now? i mean, there'll be the sucessful ones, of course, then there'll be those who may be involved in crimes maybe? plus those who'll be famous! and those who'll have affairs (haha. dont ask why we mentioned that).

so much change! in 20 years time i'll be 35. what i wish to be then? happily married, with kids. good career. hopefully i've found a way to lead life the way it's supposed to. like not for money only, that kind of thing. i hope i'll be happy. i really do.

on a side note, keeping in touch with the celeb news,

1) paris hilton's hacker is jailed already.
2) britney gives birth to a baby boy!
3) jen aniston will most likely talk abt how jolie "snatched" pitt on oprah winfrey! omg!

here are some now and then pics of bsb! HUGE changes!

whee! omg! on a high now! NICK NICK NICK. BSB BSB BSB! woohoo!

loyalty never dies. the flame keeps burning on even after all these years. (:

hello! screw my previous post. i'm just gonna blog normally. :D haha. so much for restraining myself huh.

anyway, ytd. it started out feeling as though time would just fly right past me. it started out nice and cool. however, it started to stretch like nobody's freaking business soon after.

***
you know when you read books, you'd come across a "the floor should just open up and swallow me whole" line, which usually comes hand in hand with "i could just feel myself blushing from head to toe". right? it's a super cliche expression.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. i was thinking those exact same lines during physics ytd! omg. so damn embarrassing. i could really feel myself turning red. i'd say it was the first time i felt myself blush that bad. and hello. it's not as if i'm that fair right.

stupid water bottle. it just had to fall in this super dramatic way, you die die must save it, y'know? frm my view at least. and it was super out of the blue when the bottle started to shake, quiver and then POOF. it's in mid-air. so a stupid cry of distress escaped my lips. high pitch and squeaky.

and the whole class turned. cos it was rather quiet. so did mr goh! OMGOSH. and then he went "erm. what kind of sound was that?" in the very amused way.

then it was all laughs for the class. oh poor me. ):

enough humiliation to last me a decade. *obviously exaggerating here*

***

i'm starting to like maths! omg. dont you just see cows flying up in the sky?! HAHA. but you see, i doesnt really matter if i like maths or not. cos i still wont do well. right? but the dunn&dunn report thingy said that it matters for me. hmm. we'll see.

oh yes. and all because of NAZEEHAH (*screams, fumes, wails!) i'm obsessed. with britney.

shut.up.please. HAHA. that stupid obsession kicking in all over again! we were watching her music vids during recess ytd. "outrageous" was hot. except for snoop dogg. like so eww lah! snoop dog of all ppl?! and "me against the music" was cool.

madonna looks retarded though. and compare her with britney, the goddess of dance, (more like hip gyrations, but who cares), she so totally looks like crap! so i've come to this conclusion.

madonna: sex appeal= 0 (irregardless of how little she wears and all that pouting, lips slightly ajar, eyes half closed, in an attempt to seem seductive. as a matter of fact, she actually looks like a preteen trying her hand at OTT flirting. bleargh!)
britney: sex appeal= off the charts

anyway, madonna, here has crows feet (!) and is saggy all over! i'm mean huh. =x

so, thanks to this obsession, the first thing i did when i went online last night, was to go watch ALL her vids. and that i did! talk abt overdoing it. her moves! and that body! this stupid girl gets everything. except true love. sigh. sad sad. like who the hell doesnt know kevin's just using her?! well, everyone but her i suppose.

her "dont let me be the last to know" vid was like soft porn? actually, now that i think of it, most of her vids are. haha. like i said, she just oozes sex appeal all over. have you ever looked at her face properly? she's SO beautiful! her nose is perfect.

not crooked or jutting out very prominently like miss paris hilton.
(not that mine is that straight/perfect either, FAR from it. but that's besides the point.) and anyway, i DO like paris hilton. i think she's a very interesting person. no doubt she appears dumb and shallow. but still interesting, all the same.


i am NICE cos i censored her visible nipple. i've had enough of wadrobe malfunctions please. and there's my nick! those eyes! mesmerizing! he has oh-so-sensual lips too! gosh. *fans herself before she hyperventilates* they make a rather cute couple dont you think? too bad they're not together anymore. she-paris goes for he-paris-es.

i'll never forgive her for sprouting all that bull abt nick beating her. oh please. she craves attention like how a baby wails for their mum. but you know what.

i still love her. GAH! i hate contradicting myself.

ok then, noses, wadrobe malfunctions, sensuality (this sounds like that ad! sensualite!! HAHA) and contradictions aside.

***
so i finally remembered to buy tripleA batts for the mp3 player frm 7-11 before going to school ytd morn. heard this song by Alanis Morissette on power 98. the last time i heard it? like a million light years ago.

it's the song on repeat mode now. haha. goodbye Blunt man! *waves frantically* it's high time i got sick of that song.

Hand In My Pocket by Alanis Morissette

I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
Cos I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

And what it all comes down to my dear friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

***

so let's all be optimistic now ok? it will all work out somehow. whether you think you screwed up the first time around, doesnt really matter anymore. give it another shot! your best one yet! life is full of chances. though there definitely isnt enough for everyone to screw up a million times. so yes. better ourselves, yeah? (:

confidence and optimism is the key!

OH!! and i watched the 2003 VMAs again for fun. the jaw dropping and unexpected show by britney, christina, madonna and missy elliot was really good. the lesbian kiss was really out of nowhere which made for a good climax? or something like that. whatever it was, it was really the epitome of entertainment. seriously.

omgosh. just cos my cramps struck major big time this morning, it caused a freaking chain effect! my lips are chapped, my t zone's getting oilier by the hour, my hairs' frizzing up even though i use shitloads of conditioner and my skin's dry, like on the verge of eczema (however you spell it).

will someone please kindly buy me the entire "body shop"? *big earnest eyes, fluttering eyelashes, lips a-pout*

eww. that must have looked/sounded gross. okay. ciao babes! muggerworld! :D

ps: an extremely long post to make up for the rather blah ones earlier.

so much for a hiatus huh. barely a mini one even. so i shall put it this way then. i wont be blogging regularly frm now on. and even so, it'd be short posts.

here guys. current affairs, good for the mind. (: was told abt Ophelia by maria.

studied at the airport with clara just now. very productive! gosh. i am so happy. the sense of accomplishment? priceless...

gonna get back to muggerworld. it's an entirely different world i tell ya. and it feels pretty good doing it! :D

here's to chemistry! cheers! *clinks my huge mug of coffee*

a mini hiatus. be back soon. once i'm satisfied with whatever i've managed to cover. till then, you can start saving up for my birthday gift today. =D the earlier the better. come 20th oct, you'd be LOADED! so you wouldnt mind parting a little with it to buy me something! oh what joy! :)

mugging rocks man! yeah! once i get into the rhythm, it'd be no biggie anymore! yes. the rhythm. the mugging rhythm.

do you feel the beat? :)

rounded up the day with lots of lame jokes thrown in and lots of laughter. haha. i actually look forward to the next time we have to "work". DAN BROWN!! it'll work out to be so great. i cant wait! p&p oh-so-rocks. =D and hello! what did you do to my newsweek you stupid bananas and pajama?!?!? you 3/4 of p&p ah. *shakes head* scribble scribble!

today was great cos they were no maths lessons AT ALL and there was only bio, which i'm really starting to find a liking for.

actually, there were plenty of minor factors here and there that contributed to making it a SUPERB day. i dont know. i just feel real happy today. haha. let's hope it'll last for as long as possible so there wont be any repeat telecasts of ytd ok?

oh yes. i read the newsweek article abt the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. and i didnt realise the situation was that bad. ohmygosh. poor victims. stupid SLOW reaction frm ____. <-- i cant mention it in case i get sued or something. it's a rather touchy subject apparently. but i think you should know who i'm referring to right? an excerpt frm the article itself would make things clearer. What went wrong? Just about everything.

Planners spend more time preparing for exotic (but less predictable) biochem or dirty-bomb attacks, which are more likely to get funding from Congress or the administration. (Though given the events after Katrina, one has to wonder about the nation's readiness to respond to such terrorist strikes.)

i mean really. why such a slow and pathetic response? that ticks me off the most. yes, some survived, but hello? if you cant get there in time, then they what's the point in the first place cos they may just die because of YOUR lack of organization. jeez. *shakes head

oh and did you know that this 19 yr old girl gave birth to her child at the rescue centre?! her family delivered the baby. and there were two raped cases. plus ppl were stealing stuff frm the local wal-mart, even the cops were involved in the looting! and you know the toilets got choked up? the sewage was bad. black market was at a high. there was shortage of water. there was even a blackout at the rescue centre!!

the "rescue" was erm. well, not too good? (to put it nicely)

oh and yes. this may give an idea as to why the reaction was slow and somewhat not done wholeheartedly, so to speak. (New Orleans; the south has a sordid history when it comes to poor blacks and hurricanes.)

The president was to blame; no the looters. No, the bureaucrats. No, the local politicians. It was FEMA's fault- unless it was the Department of Homeland Security's. Or the Pentagon's. Certainly the government failed, for all the world to see, raw racial divisions.

that pretty sums up how i feel. BUT I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING. i quoted. i've had enough naggings from my parents and cikgu abt the carelessness of bloggers. read the berita harian during malay period. there was this article regarding how these two guys are charged for what they wrote in their blogs. racist comments. one looks arrogant and the other looks like a typical beng commiting a stupid mistake.

so yes. precautions, i have taken. so i should be safe right? anyway, here's an idea of how bad it was.




sad huh? the pic on the bottom right is the new orleans convention centre where the survivors wait for aid and rescue. let's hope they get the help and attention they need asap. OH and did you know that georger clooney and steven spielberg donated millions?! like whoa.

okay guys, see you next time. peace. world peace, okay everyone? :)

i felt like lugging my bag straight home the minute i stepped into the school building. it just didnt feel right. not that it's supposed to anyway.

today was exhausting to a certain extent. mentally. although it felt quite good to be back? crap. i'm contradicting myself. the flip side of being a libran i suppose.

the people around me have come to the conclusion that i was being extra bitchy today. really? it's just your stupid face lah fairuz! :D

had lit today! though it was rather blah, literature is still literature. =D catcher in the rye! i think that book's good.

sorry for being extremely all over the place today. dont make rash assumptions. i'm referring to this entry.

***
a haunting conscience

damn do i hate studying simply cos you have no choice. that's not the right way to acquire knowledge right. but who cares here huh? you just mug your ass away, get a damn degree, a good job and that's it. you've accomplished a great life. *rolls eyes*

***
recently, i've been rather fascinated by my star sign. hehe. (BIG HINT YOU GUYS!) and i never realised that rachel (delph) and faizah are librans too! haha. a little late yeah? librans rock. we're the only inanimate sign out of the 12 signs. we're the ones who strike the perfect balance and as bimbo as it sounds, we want world peace. REALLY. (dont laugh.) and just to let you know, some adjectives to describe librans are romantic, diplomatic, judicial, peace loving, cultured, indecisive, fickle and apathetic. i could go on forever although i know it's already boring you.

oh and dont worry, i'll post a special entry abt librans come THE BIG DAY or maybe immediately when the month comes ard! =D i'm going too far on this whole libra thing. it's fascinating. really. how they're so freaking right abt so many things can be rather baffling.

oh yes. today had bio test. and i thought it was alright. and i think i may have just discovered what the hell is wrong with me. i am easily satisfied. in terms of school work. the aftermath of doing so badly for such a long time now? maybe.

after that, me j and siti had our first taste of fake ART. the school library is actually a pretty conducive place to study. IF ONLY JUNAIDAH MANAP WASNT ARD. (:

ok. i'm gonna go hit the sack now. then noctornal me will wake up in the wee hours to........... do maths. sigh. numbers leave me all the more confused.

the mandatory lifestyle of a student trying to cut her losses. =/

my father just called me a cow cos i refused to make him a cup of coffee. -.-" (mum and brat went grocery shopping) wth? anyway, guess what i had for breakfast? =D

i had strawberries with cereal! omf. it's yumms. for some strange reason, i discovered TWO huge BOXES of strawberries in the fridge. so innovative me decided to eat them with cereal! (:

i havent been doing what i'm supposed to be doing this past week. fush. should i repent? yes. i should.

oh and i learnt a new word today! repine! (repine v. fret, be discontented) my mum used that word as a continuation of her neverending lectures. i look forward to the day she stops it. but when that day comes, it probably means she has given up, right? so no. i changed my mind. i dont wish for that day to come. *fickle me

anyway, more pics! haha. the yahoo account cocked up? i couldnt add more photos to the album. ohwell. go here.


hmm. dont ask.

foooooooooooood

ohmigosh. BIG fire. wait a min. that's not food! wtf? sigh. BOYS!

ooh. 6jupiter's next top model? (;

1,2,3,4,5,6,7 girls in a row!

aww! what a sweet grp hug!

jo and me posing! (notetoself: HUDA YOU BETTER STOP SQUINTING!)

me and joshua!

saw this cat there. ooh. ice queen.

clara and me (eh look! my earring at the top blinging! =D)

wow jo. talk abt AT-TI-TOOD.

she just loves being tall

me and mud

this is cute, yes?

we did ok! slaved away like shit cleaning the damn place!

i am feeling so fucking lost and manipulated! omg. you cant even imagine my state of mind right now. my thoughts, a whirlwind. my believes at stake and on the verge of emptiness. i know i(we) must be strong and all. but i dont know. there was evidence. i hate to see myself (us) crumble at this. i'm (we're) not THAT pathetic and weak emotionally right? i mean. fuckfucktriplefuck. i dont know what to believe anymore.

there's always that benefit of a doubt. but how so? it does state some truth, if not all (i sure as hell hope not). it's not that bad. is it?

OH MY GOD. i'm starting to question! SHUT.UP.HUDA. shut.the.hell.up.

that damn site sure managed to succeed what it set out to do. i feel cheated. i feel like crap cos i(we) were made fools! i dont think anybody would like to be impressionable that way! like hello! and i dont see any other being made and twisted this way. fuck off. i dont need this at this stage in life. i think it's too early. it's too much hassle. it kills my brain cells just trying to piece it all together dammit!

OH THANKS *** SINA. what kind of name is THAT anyway!? basket. i swear. he's such a fusher.

hey there. i know i'm abt a month late. but well, here are the pics anyway.there's like a MILLION pics. i'm really not kidding. there's A LOT of photos. of the 6ju bbq reunion! :D frm mar and mud.

(dear cow, i really have to say this. YOU SUCK AS A PHOTOGRAPHER! haha. see it for yourself, compare and DONT deny.) oh and the pictures are in no particular order. as in can be at night before the day pictures that kindda thing. here goes!

6 Ju Bbq Reunion


me and joanne (break out at its worst! ugh.)


faking all truths


givng the bus a good dose of fragrance


OH PLEASE! nice sweet smelling deodarant ok!


diane's aspiration - a hell of a smart pole dancer!


d and jo


sigh. them yet again.


clara and aniszah


THIS is the chair that diane broke! haha


niz and i. the background very cool right?


the damn cute birquettes (charcoals)


carmen chan, fanning the pit. so much for being the superstar of the reunion.


carmen, clara and me. we didnt fake this pose ok!


the big hoo hah when starting the fire


lakshman giving it a shot. omg. we look damn stupid lah! quoted by cow, "swaku ppl"


the gang

omg. you know what. i didnt realise blogger has a space limit! =x and i'm not even halfway done yet! (posting the pics i mean) GREAT. now i have to go create a yahoo account or sth. this is just PERFECT.

toodles. cya later.

[edit] i just created a yahoo account. so MANY usernames were rejected, so i had to resort to looking ard me for inspirstion. i saw my stripey bag. so i typed "strippeyfun". to my utmost horror, seconds after it was accepted, i realised it looks like strippyfun or ppl will mispronounce my email.

so now it seems as though i'm some psycho slut who likes to strip. cos it's fun. HOW WONDERFUL.