ohmygod!! i clicked "ctrl a" by accident and the whole post went blank!! OH MY GOD. i'm so sick of this happening. do they really have to have a keyboard shortcut to delete the whole entry?! fuck man. i typed a hell lot already! so now i have to start over again!! erm, NOT fun!

-deep breath-

do you love this blogskin? i said "DO YOU LOVE THIS NEW BLOGSKIN?" all those in favour say "aye!" i hear lots of "aye"s, duncha? i love it, love it, LOVE IT!! thanks faizah! you're DA bomb! DA ultimate bomb! and bcos of tt, i shall try to ignore the :) you put beside ur name in my links! :) i'm NICE.

ok, so it does rotate ard the theme "love", at which some of you may scoff, roll your eyes and go, "ugh. overrated topic. enuff alr." but you know what? i love to love love cos it's love!!! wheeee! i'm getting this rush of ecstasy cos it's my fav convo topic!! as in when i talk. scratch that. i mean when i think to myself.

oh. and i'm listening to "in love with you" now btw. courtesy of huiyun and nuzie for my 14th birthday. i love this album. it hits all my soft spots. *sigh* currently, it's playing track 7 "my valentine" by jim brickman and martina mcbride. loves much.

so, after i was done typing my username/pw, i found myself beggin my com not to flash the "no cookies" sign yet again. i am SO sick of this as well! i mean, really. come on! stop making me appear oh-so-lame! begging a machine. jeez. what has become of the world?!

so had tuition just now. it was erm. quite unproductive...? i think i should come earlier than them. they are such chaos! normally, i would welcome such environments with open arms, cos it's highly entertaining. but when you're trying to recall when the fuck were you taught differentiation, it's NOT.

oh and while waiting for my com to permit me to access my blog, went bloghopping to blogs owned by ppl i know but dont know. and a number of it makes me go "i wanna be her best pal!". i know how it sounds. but they give off the aura that they'd make your life much more interesting. at least mine. i dunno lah.

ANYWAYS, been thinking an extra lot these days. and today is no exception. so yes. this entry will be long and full of random thoughts. spare with me will ya? :D

so i came across a lot of "i better go study"s, "shit. i've been slacking. this is bad"s, "prelims are ard the corner! fuck!"s and "i think i'm gonna flunk tt paper"s. familiar, no? so that got me thinking. yet again.

what's the point of education? (i know i've discussed this with a couple of ppl. but i HAVE to mention it yet again.) i mean, you study your fucking ass off, get a degree, a high-pay job which hopefully you'll love, if not, wth, it pays and then you have kids, plenty of money to give them anything they want, get yourself all the LVs, guccis, BMWs, jimmy choos, coaches, private properties/jets you want, memberships to all the exclusive clubs,wear the best clothes/shoes/bag..

AND THEN WHAT? hopefully, you'll live long enough, together with the love of your life, and get to see your kids marry off and present you with your offsprings. and then you'll die. we'll ALL eventually DIE.

right? i mean. i posted my mum this question plenty a times. and she'll reply with a standard "so you'll have a good standard of living". *sighs* it's all about materialism which is already a highly debated topic. to which no one does anything about. regardless off all the known "hazards" it poses. dammit! it's all so........ gosh, i dont even have the word to describe it!

frustrates the hell outta me sometimes.

anyways, suddenly my mind goes blank. when initially i had a lot to say. fuck! hate it when this happens. shall try to recall. *thinks hard*

since i cant remember anything, shall end off with the results of this test thingy i did.



The Keys To Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.




accurate, no? i think it is. i especially love the last line! i'm a confident, independent chick going wild and free, having the time of her life, without any need of a guy!! :D

**ALL SINGLETONS SCREAM "YEAH BABY YEAH!"**

well hello you!! :D

wanted to take a short nap ytd. so i was like "ma, wake me up abt 7.30." and tt 7.30 ended up being a 4.30 in the morn. HOHO. so i slept like almost 12 hrs?? nice..

so then i was wide awake and for some funny reason, i picked up the bio textbk and started reading/going thru the past 2 chapters we just did. cos i've not been paying attention at all. i was either sleeping, blanking out, talking or sth. basicaly doing everything else but pay attention. whoops. but she's just so BORING!!

so then i laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking. abt a million and one things. it's so darn peaceful. so pleasant. so i just though and thought and thought till i finally drifted off to la-la land yet again.

i was dreaming abt sth so sweet and lovely, it was pure bliss.

see, i was abt 17/18? and my best friend, her name's sara. so it was me, sara, her bro and her neighbour, one gang. we did everything together. then suddenly, me and the neighbour, unknowingly fell in love with each other. then yeah.. it's pretty predictable and all.. but so sweet all the same.. *sigh

okay. i know i know. mushy talk is so passe. but you know what. i dont care! :D oh yes. faizah is re-doing my blog now!!! yay.. go faizah go!! come on girl!! you can do it!!! *jumps cheerleader style* hahahah

ok. so just now, my mum suddenly wanted to sun the carpet. after god knows how long. sheesh. so then when we dragged the carpet out, we saw these funny eeeky looking thingys under the carpet!!!! eww man. *my hair rising as we speak/as i type*

so then it turns out tt those creep crawlies are actually feeding on the carpet!! my mum went ballistic! her precious 400bucks gone to trash. oh my god. those things are freakily gross. it's like hairy and puny, similar looking to bed bugs. ugh. it disgusted me, but intrigued me all the same. so there i was, my hair rising like crap, getting upclose and personal with the bug. AND THEN. the thing HAD to fly up to my face!!! yuck yuck yuck!!! screw it man. and while my bro was poking at it, it didnt fly up to him or wtvr!! unfairness!

you shld see the state of the carpet man. those bugs had a good time feeding on it. big appetite those grossifying insects! see, this is what you get for buying non-synthetic carpets. supposedly, pricier cos it's "original" but still. destroyable/ruinable/not-tt-long-lasting after-all.

ok. i have to go to my aunts hse for tuition later! initially, it was supposed to be some 24 yr old bloke who's supposed to come to my hse. but then, on perfect cue, my aunt called in to ask whether i'd like my cousin to tutor me. since he'd be able to teach me anything and everything, my mum took him up instead. so now, I have to that bit of travelling. troublesome. but it'd be fun i supose. i'll get to see salwa every week!! she's my cousin, same age. man, the last time i saw her was like last yr or sth?? so yeah, gotta go get ready now.

well, tt's it then. till the next entry ya. :)))

[warning: a suPeR long entry]

heyhey. didnt update ytd cos i was just too exhausted. so cedar celebrated rhd!! fun fun! woke up late so cabbed to sch. then bhavani was late so andrea helped me wear the sari instead.

it was pretty chaotic in the morn. everyone rushing up and down the corridor frm class to class, screaming/shrieking/screeching at the sight of (fillnamehere), ppl rushing to the toilets to *ahem* check themselves out, and plenty of "do-i-look-okay"s. and you can hear the click-clacks of the heels so prominently!! heels baby heels!! X) but it was pretty fun. definitely only a sight you'd catch in all all girls' sch. where vainpots rule. =p (hey! it rhymes!)

at the courtyard was interesting. seeing everyone (except a few) in different costumes. highly entertaining if you ask me. people-watching's great fun btw. so when asked to sit down, everyone was like "what? you gotta be kidding!". poor nazeehah! she was wearing this sexay black cheongsam and so she couldnt sit proper!!! i thought she looked like a mamasan when i first saw what she wore! :D (tt's a compliment, hun!)

lessons were pretty alright, i guess. my grp had to present our ppt on mega theme parks for geog, 2nd period. third period was lit! as what dhil wld say, yayness anus!! hahah..

mr sng wore this um.. black chinese top? or is it vietnamese? so me, jazzy and huiyun had to "teach" the class act 2 scene 4. oh. which i stayed up till 3 thurs night doing btw!! so harworking of me to slave the night away huh? i know. okay la. actually i sorta had all the time in the world to do it. it's just that my habit of procrastinating kicked in at an all-time high. so i only started on it proper at ard 12, 1+?

so yes. back to our lit ppt presentation. there was a lot of tech difficulties at first. considering the fact tt 3c is full of IT dummies and um. how unsucessful mr sng was attempting to get it to work, it took up quite a lot of time. jazzy, huiyun and i took advantage of the situation and insulted him a-plenty! hahah. and what's funnier is tt it was perfectly fine the period before! so in the end, mrs gay came in to help us. turns out we had to switch off the visualizer first. duh! -.- BUT our visualizer remote thingy was out of batt!! so had to borrow 3h's. what a hassle!

so, when all's fine, we carried on with the presentation. i'm actually quite happy at how it all turned out. considering all our effort!! :D

so then was recess. ate with clara (LEE), tricia and szeling. lee was wearing this indian costume which was in a pretty shade of mild green (she looked like a fairy/bride!!), tricia was wearing a punjabi and szeling was wearing a sari too!! which somehow always happens to expose her bra strap!! lol.

had community singing after tt. oh yeah. some of delphinus (four of us included), managed to take a pic with mjy at the courtyard before rushing to the hall. so up in the hall, the plan to sit together as a sqd failed! =( so those tt were there just joined 3m. and it was kinda crazy cos 3m did some funny dance moves which we just followed?? hahah..

assembly was crap! ahhh! the bore of it! whatever happened to the usual dances/skits?! this time, the sqd turn-out was not bad. so sophia, xiuqi, shermaine, szeling, tricia, clara, me + some others sat at the other side of the hall with all the sec 4s. cos the sec 3 side was pretty packed and there wasnt a big space for us. sat right in front of the tchers! which included mr sng. ha. he was right behind me! xD

tricia was attempting to take shots of her. i sat in between sophia and clara. sophia and i were like busy playing with her cam. she was showing me some pics she took of _____!! omg. hahah. so interesting and _______ looked pretty good even tho the snaps were horribly shaky/blur. okay fine!! i'm bias. xP we tried to take more photos of _____ but it'll be a bit too obvious. so yeah. our plan crashed and burned! boohoo! and anyways, was pretty glad we stopped mucking abt to stone instead. cos mdm faridah was like "(i forgot her name)!! stop talking right now!!" freakeh. cos she shouted out so suddenly.

so after sch, delphinus had a photo date with ma'am joycelyn at the 3s bench. what a photo taking session man! after taking sqd pics, took so many pics with so many people with many different cams cos it was many fun!! (ok. i know the latter's actually "much" but i wanted it to be a "many" sentence!!)

sadly, the show MUST go on, regardless of it being the celebration of rhd or not. so parade was still on. so tt was :(. but it turned out to be pretty :).

pt was ohmyfreakingshit tough. it was INSANE! it was CRAZY! which is the SAME MEANING! lol. but guranteed a fat-burn session. so tt thot made up for it. then next was drills for those involved in ndp. i wasnt, so was appointed by ma'am kailing to take sirius!! x) so, took them for drills, along with gerri and tian ruo. yay!! i've always wanted to take them. but nvr had the chance to. so yeah, i was happy.

it did get kinda frustrating. but yeah, i think their drills did improve. even tho it wasnt a big-jump improvement. and i realise tt what rachel said was true. they are like delphinus!! i look at sirius and it's like looking at us, back in sec 1.

fiona, xiuqi and i had to leave early for mtp session. my mum and brat came. so sat in the hall beside my mum while that woman droned on and on. it exhausted me man, just listening to her.

so after tt, had some refreshments with shez cos her dad rushed back to work alr. whoa huh. so yeah. dropped shez off at aljunied mrt. i was so freakin tired i slpet the whole journey home!! wanted to update last night, but was seriously too beat to bother. went online for a while to check who has alr uploaded their pics to send me!! oh yes. reminds me. go see clara's blog for some pics!! (points to the right) i linked her.

tt's abt it then. cya.

okay folks. this will be an alarmingly short entry. wanted to do the lit ppt first. but you know, wth.

today was... quite alright. mrs foo's damn pissed with our class tho. the lit files thing. *sighs* so much drama and whatnots. kind of uncalled for. but she WAS kindda unreasonable. (tryin to be diplomatic here)

had eng oral after sch. which i think went quite smoothly. it didnt really feel like an exam tho. was retelling my sick jokes i posted ytd to ying wai and liane. =p then renny was telling me some damn lame malay jokes. nice eh? so much for an exam. my tcher was mien mien (agnes ng). she laughed and smiled and conversed with me. so i think i'll do just fine..

so after oral, me and tricia went to toa payoh int and we ate at bk!! the exclamation mark is cos the last time i went out after sch was like eons ago. i'm such a saint. AND i cant remember the last time i ate fast food. so yes. tt i'm very pleased. =D tt strawberry cream cheese cake is simply divine and oh-so-sinful-you-know-you-gotta-do-sth-abt-it. hahah.. but shared it with tricia. so cant be that bad right?

oh yes. have to pack the stuff i need to bring tmr. which includes the sari (which i've yet to iron), NP stuff (cos there's STILL parade) , the MTP stuff and THREE pairs of heels!!! that clara and jazzy lah. bUT i'll get chocs for loaning them anyways. so wtf. hahah.. i'm so gonna gain weight by the end of the week man.

so yup. i think tt's abt it. gotta go rush the lit ppt tho!! why did it have to be viola?! my apologies for this totally boring entry ya. till the next entry then.. oh and this didnt end up to be as short as i expected..

i'm beginning to think that blogger is really screwed. wait. can they sue me for tt?? think so. whoops. so anyways, nowadays, whenever i sign in, they'll crap abt the "no cookies". argh!!! i checked everything ok. the java script thing, cleared my cache!!! checked EVERYTHING. i refreshed and refreshed AND refreshed. and the thing's still cocked up. how pissing. so then i opened a new window. and TA-DAH!!! it's all fine and dandy. nonsensical.

woke up at 6 again today!!! so yeah, didnt make it for apt. heard dina and siewhwee debriefed delphinus.

today was pretty alright i suppose. the norm. there'll be quite a load of tests next week. eeeks. gross.

ohyes!! i think i shld try keeping my mouth shut? lol. first, i laughed at clara's pimple on mon. and yest, a HUGE zit appeared out of no where. accompanied by TWO other smaller ones. great. and then i gloated to jazzy that i hardly get menstrual cramps. and the next thing i know, i'm feeling this crap of a contraction. ugh.

so then i was bored. so i went ard checking out jokes. and some were damn hilarious. probably looked like a goon laughing my head off in front of the com. lol. so yeah, here are a few. i just love blonde jokes. what a laugh. x)

Drunk blonde

A blond is driving down a deserted highway when she gets pulled over. The cop gets out of his car and asks if she has been drinking and she replies "No". So he radios the station and asks what to do. The cop at the station says "Is she a blond driving a lipstick red corvet?" and the cop replies "Yes". So the other cop says "What you do is tell her to get out of the car and pull out your dick as you walk up to her". So the cop does exactlly what the other cop says. The blond gets out of the car and he whips out his dick. The blonde sighs and says "please not another breathalizer test."



A girl's first time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty! Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?


The confused shopper

Billy was on holiday in America and didn't speak very good English. It was his last day and he was heading to the airport to fly home, but first he needed to buy a few things.

He ends up going to the store and asking the clerk for some "BUM". She sits there and thinks for awhile and then says, "Oh you must mean gum."

Then he goes to the fish store and askes if he could get some "FUCK IT". The fish man thinks and says, "Oh I get it, you must mean Bucket (bucket of fish)"

Billy shakes his head as YES.

Then he makes a trip to the pet store and says, "Could I get a cock and spank it?" The pet store owner says "Oh you must mean Cocker Spaniel."

Billy shakes his head YES.

He finally makes it to the airport where he will be catching his flight. When he gets there he askes this guy...

"Could you hold my bum and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it"


Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.
3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.
4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.
5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.
6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.
7. It's best to have a soft place to land.
8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.
9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.
10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.
11. Once you learn, you never forget how.
12. If you fall off get right back on.
13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.
14. Remember to signal before you change direction.
15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.
16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.
17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.
18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.


How to get a nun to get it on with ya

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.

When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up.

While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

it rained cows and goats this morning. it was so darn nice. =) woke up at 6 today!! *smacks head* wasnt really my fault. the weather was hypnotising me.

so then i walked down the stairs only to clash with the st pats guy. ok, you see, i seem to be going to sch with the same grp of ppl everyday. and it's fun. there's tt st pats guy, 2 marists, 1 ij tp girl(i know i know. but she seems okay) and a few others. so we know each other but we dont know each other. and this morn, the bus stop where i take a bus out to the main rd was overcrowded. so i there i was, sheltered by my spare umbrella which is kindda spoilt (i left my working one in class) on the pavement in the middle of the downpour. heavy downpour. no doubt i looked dumb when i could have gotten good, proper shelter under the block. like what many others did.

so yes, the water splashing on my legs gave no mercy. but i loved it. so yeah, my shoes/socks were soaked to the max. but it was lovely. felt like walking under the rain. it was so friggin tempting. BUT. common sense stepped in. when was the last time i walked in the rain?! miss the feeling.

so anws, i only boarded the 6.30 bus!! was so shocked i didnt end up late. had to rushrushrush. was ALMOST late tho.

we had pe 3rd period. tt guy (is it mr chan or choo??) is really insecure. i pity him. i mean, does he have tt small a dick to be THAT insecure?? (know someone who according to that is very VERY confident then!!! _____ D IS HUGE!!) he kept on going on and on about how we're stepping on his head just cos janine and some others didnt have an mc and weren't taking pe. he also kept going on AND ON abt how we've not seen him scold yet.

"you girls ask 4h. i made one girl cry ok. and i'll make sure at least one of you cries if i really scold you. taking advantage of me right. i can be nice but i can also be very ________" (I forgot what's the word he used)

oh please. gimme a break.

after all the whatnots, we only had abt 10 mins left till recess? so we bladed for tt short period of time. makes me miss ice skating!! me and naz were talking abt it. so anws, i did this really stupid thing trying to blade like this hotshot pro with my hands behind my back. (cos lock and co were talking abt it or sth.) annnnnnd. it didnt turn out as great as i expected to be. )= embarrassed myself actually.. lol.. but blading's fun!! uber funn!! (:

recess, bought food and went up to class. renny mentioned she brought her digi cam. so i was suddenly inspired by our yellowyellowdirtyfellow pe tee. so the 3 of us, me, naz and dirah were posing under 2 green umbrellas. 3 bananas under the tree. i came up with it!! (ok, now it doesnt sound so cool anymore. lol)

so then had to go to the hall for community singing!! which was funner than yest!! sang where i belong. love tt song. reminds me of the o.e days, once again. (: clara was........insane?? and gwen became.........possesed?? hahah.. our class was pretty hyped up today. which was fun. X)

the rest of the day was alright. the day seemed to pass oh-so-slowly tho. =( AND dina's in the GOH contingent now!!!!!!!!! *wails* wasnt really bothered abt the fact tt i'm not in at first. but the more i think abt it, the more i yearn it! crap. GOH contingent ppl!! fisrt u!!!! but it's true, what dina said. abt who THK chose and all. basket.

ohyesyes. i slept frm 5.30 to 8 just now!!!!! am so darn happy. nth can boo me down. yay yay yay. i'm in a sickeningly gd mood now. okay then, c ya!!

ps: pls DO tag. :)

huda. is. pissed. very.

shit you blogger!! what happened to my entry?!? my omf-it's-so-long entry?! owells, currently suffering frm a string of bad luck.. =( how so freakingly unfortunate. sheesh. first it was last night. now this. argh. so damn sway man.

abt last night, suddenly rmb abt the eng product review ppt thingy abt 1+. so fine. it was my fault, so shall not let the grp suffer. *such a do-gooder* planned to just continue a bit more cos i alr did it halfway last thurs. but no. the diskette was crap. so fine. did it all over again. all 10 slides of it.

and then.

a horrifying thought struck my mind. what if my com goes cuckoo?! so, thinking i was smart for even thinking of it, i proceeded on with my quest. i was abt to save the ppt. just in case. the screen went black. just as i was about to click "save". shit man.

so screwed right?! couldnt believe my luck. so frustrating. and by then, it was probably ard 0230hrs. so yeah, had a nice 3hr slp. and i ponder the cause of my eye bags.

oh yes. dina!! dont be too upset okay? THK sucks. we all know tt. i bet even he knows tt!! he's unfair and biased. we just gotta live with it tho we dont like it. smile!!!!

anyways, thanks faizah!! (see, i am SO nice, i can't stand it.) for making my blog NICE!! yay. but. being, the hard-to-please-oh-so-fussy-unappreciative me, i asked her to do me another one. as in yeah. cos i dont quite like the pic. it's deep. but a bit freakeh for me. dont ask. thanks faizah! you rock!! x) so i planned the whole blog during mt just now. HOHO. first period of the day and i'm alr slacking. what's new. not that we ever do anything productive during mt anyways. BUT. i learnt sth oh-so-loave-ly.

she doesnt know the meaning of controversy.

i like. correction. i love. yay. her dumb-ness was proven yet again!! it's like she's the pioneer of this whole new range of asian bimbos. not blonde. but dyed brown. neat. so yeah..woohoo!!! clara, cheer at this k!! it's herrrrrrrrrrrr. lol. anyways, she was so friggin irritating today. like exceeding the usual irritating-ness, which was what me and lock concluded. ohmyshit. the redundant and totally uncalled for remarks, that hair-raising laughter!! cackle actually.. and all the sucking up!!! oh hell. was abt to scream at her face today. but. i know she's not worthy of my screams. esp during joshua sng's period! at least know your lit stuff well when sucking up to a lit tcher la. lousy. she makes a proposterous (lol) flirt.

okay then, enuff of the bitching. i have a ton of things to do!!! tt malay ppt, the eng ppt, amaths!! and the lit thingy!! it just had to be viola this week.. *sigh* till the next entry then.

ps: you. yeah YOU! (a classic) pls do tag my board and link me!!! thanks a gazil.

you used to be my best friend,

the best two could ever be.

before you began your assuming trend

which blinded you everything you used to see.

my side of the story, you dont care

at least not anymore

you say that now i dare
dare to screw up more than i score.
you dont let me even explain,
hear what i have to say
"no i dont wanna hear it!" you exclaim
you just want it all your way.

i tell you anything and everything
or at least i used to.
about sister's so stupid a fling
and what else she tends to do.
the gossips and how NP can suck
or how it can get too cool.
but now, what the fuck
it doesnt matter anymore
like how it all used to.
i used to tell you who's bitchy, who's not
how draining school can be
i used to tell you what kinda guys i call hot
and "would these earrings suit me?"
we used to talk about everything
hell, i even asked you abt sex and all
you advise how to pick up whenever i do fall.
we'd discuss moral values
and how corrupted the world has become.
she'll tell me about her childhood
then we'd compare now and then.
she'll tell me how naughty my aunts were
how and why they did it, i couldnt comprehend.
she'll tell me about her hopes and dreams
of which she didnt achieve.
how she was hospitalised because of that one slip.
fuck, it wasnt even her fault!
what it cost her, she couldnt believe
she wanted to be a nurse, to care and to aid
but all that was gone cos her 'rents didnt know shit
also cos the medical bills wore them thin.
so now she puts her hopes on me,
begging me not to give up
pushing me, cheering me on.
i'd try and fail, oh cant you just see?
i'm hopeless and full of doubt.
we'd talk about the malay society
how low it has come to stoop.
she'd tell me to study really really hard
so one day, i may just change all that.
we'd talk about problems young people face
"sex, drinking, abortions"
to name a few in that haze.
she'd curse the asshole who left me stranded
so lost, confused and ashamed i was
"the goodfornothing bastard!"
we'd talk about the future
how bright it seems to be.
i'd get a huge house for us all
the brat, you, pa and i
how brat's wife must be kind
my husband hot and smart
one huge happy family was indeed what we had in mind
but i guess all that's changed now
you seem so old and wise
you claim my heart's as hard as a rock
but did you search deep inside?
you say i dont care about my brother
who knows? maybe i really dont.
you claim to know me inside out.
somehow, i fear you dont.
you seem different.
or maybe it's just me.
going through that phase in life,
angst soaring high is just the way to be.
maybe we just drifted off
cos you dont wish to try,
to try to know me once again
and find out why i tend to cry.
right now behind that door,
i'm crying, screaming out
"mama, pls try to listen! and not just hear
what i'm all about!!"
you slam the door tight shut
claiming that i've changed.
open your heart,
to see once more the daughter you have raised.
my heart cries out for you,

the way things used to be.

i guess this is what they call growing up
i detest it, can't you see?!
you say i dont care about your feelings,
my words hit you strong and hard.
i'm sorry, i wasn't thinking
didn't know words could throw us apart.
i know we'll work it out one fine day
all we need is some time.
but how can i just float away
when it feels like i've commited a crime?

i. am. bored.

so i've been doing absolutely random things since abt... 8? such as walking ard the hse searching high and low for the MIA kieffy, my lovely *pauses to count*, 7 yr old persian beauty. *mimicks the typical american bimbo* I HEART MY CAT!!!! no, dont bother asking what that expression was for. which goes to show how bored i am.

also, i realise my house has NO FOOD. was hunting for sth decent i'd be able to consume for breakfast just now. we really need to go grocery shopping man. (notes to self: remind mama to go shop and save!) so then i bathed and when i came out, a certain "boom-bang-boom!" caught my ear. and there my bratty brother was. at the com playing some crapshit boring game.

holy crap. it's 8.30 in the freakin morning for god's sake. jeez. and with the amt of noise he's making, the whole peaceful neighbourhood would come banging down our door in no time.

me: *stare at brat with the "wth do you think you're doing" look*
brat: what?! *acts innocently*
me: hakiem, it's 8.30 in the morning...
brat: so?
me: you'll wake mama and papa up
brat: nvm la! it's morning already what.. see? *gestures to the window* the sun!
me: get off the computer.
brat: no! for what?!
*suddenly had a brilliant idea*
enter brat's room, and takes his mp3. dangles it in front of his face.
brat: okay okay! but you can always use the com anytime you want!
me: i'm the BIG sister. the older one. go away. shoo.
brat: you're so unfair! i'm going to tell mama!
me: tell la. like i care.

he is soo irritating nowadays. like exceeding the usual irritating-ness.

so, i have no idea why i woke up so friggin early today. considering it's a sunday and all. and i am proud to announce that i've been such a GOOD girl lately. :D the last time i went out was last week for the baybeats thing, and the outing before that was the straits times anniversary thing. the one at botanical gardens. went there with clara. reminds me of how i'd go town almost everyday after sch PLUS weekends last yr. and now i wonder why i am so fucking sick and tired of town already. lol.

like i said before, i was, still am btw, super bored. so i decided to actually make my bed and neaten up my messy table. which would of cos return to its previous state in no time. and then i noticed my neglected dressing table in its's seriously horrible condition. so i neatened that up as well. and i discovered that i have yet to use abt a quarter of my accessories. HOHO. didnt realise i had that many stuff my mum always claim i do. hey, i am only a girl after all you know. you cant imagine how hard it is to refrain yourself from buying something oh-so-pretty. which reminds me, i bought this super funkeh light pink/hot pink/black chunky necklace. got it at citylink last week for 8 bucks. the day of the baybeats thing. wonder when's the next time i'll be going out. i am soooooooo gooooood... :D

so, you shd think that my mum would stop it already abt me going out too often. but noooooo. she continues as though her life depends on it. jeez. *shakes head* ok, i know i sound like any other angsty teenager. but i refuse to conform. no, no, no. i'm no conformist. owells. maybe i am..? just a tinyweeny bit. nth more.

and that is one of the main reasons why i refuse to have a friendster account. it's like everyone i know has an account. and more often than not, they use it as a personal ad. which puts me off. so i shant get one. at least till i'm EIGHTEEN and oh-so-HONEST. ;D

i think it's gonna rain. east pple, shout for joy!! yay. i love the rain. it has this calming effect on me. and usually, when it rains, my mind either goes haywire, frm thinking too much, cos the atmosphere is just so damn peaceful. or it'll be the complete opposite where it'll just be at complete ease cos i wont think at all. just soaking the stress/problem-free atmosphere. and i can tell you, such atmospheres dont come by all that often.

aw man. "i'll make love to you" by boyz II men is playing on my playlist now.. *sigh* what a freakingly sweet song. whenever love songs play, i'll suddenly wonder abt the day i'll meet the one. yeah ok, so i am only 14going15. but STILL. what's so wrong abt pondering?

oh, and due to boredom, i went bloghopping. and ohmyfuck did it get frustrating. to all those whose english is horrible, (sry, just trying to be frank) please! i'm beggin you pleeeeeassssseeee restrain yourself from having a blog. and save us all the misery. and i'm not talking abt using singlish, i'm talking really bad english. was on the verge of a seriously major headache, so i decided to blog instead.

oh yes! heard some to-die-for goss last night. and what do i have to say abt it? enough already lar people! grow up! be more mature! oh and you shd realise by now that _______ has been the main problem all along. no one else, but her. her manipulative and scheming ways. OPEN YOUR EYES before pointing fingers ard. she makes up stories, she twists the truth, she blabs ard. whatmore evidence do you need?! and i believe the victim all along is the one you ppl (ok, self included), claim as the "bad guy". not that i'm taking any sides. (or maybe i am?), but think abt it from an outsider's view. yes, she's not exaclty an angel either. but yeah. dont be so narrowed in judgement.

anyways, recently, i've been having crazy cravings for putu piring, donuts and my white chocolate latte!!!!! wow. reminds me. when was the last time i had one frm coffee bean?! i think my time of the month is coming. ohman. this is just great.

my mum and dad's gone grocery shopping!! across the street!! haha.. i live right opp tamp mart. so lucky me. =) okay then, till the next entry! ciao!

5am Friday morning
Thursday night
Far from sleep
I'm still up and driving
Can't go home obviously
So I'll just change direction
Cause they'll soon know where I live
And I wanna live
Got a full tank and some chips

It was me and a gun
And a man on my back
And I sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants
You can laugh
It's kind of funny things you think at times like these
Like I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this
Yes I wore a slinky red thing
Does that mean I should spread
For you, your friends your father, Mr. Ed

And I know what this means
Me and Jesus a few years back
Used to hang and he said
"It's your choice babe just remember
I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time
So you choose well"
Tell me what's right
Is it my right to be on my stomach of Fred's Seville

Me and a gun
and a man On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this

And do you know Carolina
Where the biscuits are soft and sweet
These things go through you head
When there's a man on your back
And you're pushed flat on your stomach
It's not a classic cadillac

Me and a gun
and a man On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this

suddenly remembered abt this song we did for lit unseen quite some time ago. just happened to cross my mind. it's by tori amos by the way, "me and a gun". it's sad yeah? can you imagine?! being roasted by someone you know?! my oh my. what a thing to experience. but, you know, at least she lives to tell the tale.. and you shd hear the song. the way she sang it, you could seriously feel her pain. ouch. but actually, i think i'd rather die than to live after experiencing such a haunting thing that would leave a permanent scar. forever.... (a bit too melodramatic here..lol) but. being rape...it's no joke, yeah. although i've never experienced it. not that i want to. =x

anyways, i'm awfully bored. where the hell is FAIZAH!? she's supposed to help me make my blog nicer. come on, look at the state of it! lol. i'm hopeless with this kinda stuff. =x

oh yeah! "bring it on" will be shown on ch 5 tonight! although i have the vcd (pirated tho! heh). it's one of my fave movies. remember it was released in 2000.

anyways, i think i shd really consider shortening my entries. i think i'm such a nag. a complete nag. lol. at least i admitted right..

okay then. i hope this will be the last entry for today! lol. oh! and my first post is baccccckkkkkkkk! yay. wth happened, i have no idea.

my brother can be soooo irritating at times. such as now.

anyways, forgot to mention that i'll be wearing a sari. for racial harmny day!! cedar's so strange. every other sch i know celebrated it on the 21st. think we're celebrating it this fri? or sth like that. thanks bhavani!! yay.. it's pinkish-purple but more pinky.

i want famous amos cookies! and mrs fields brownies!!!!!!!!!!!!! my grp's doing these two products for eng's product review thing. tt reminds me. the ppt presentation!! makes me hungry whenever our grp discuss abt it during english!

mariam was so freaking funny. she linked me using my FULL name, and she cooked up a story abt how i threatened her with a permanent black ink marker on her blog. what crap lar. no such thing happened. i just demanded her to chnage it back to just huda.

oh. and i think he's such a hopeless case. a year for god's sake!!! a damn YEAR. thanks man. for being honest. changed? my ass you've changed. guess being brought to court by YOUR OWN DAD is just not enough. what would it take? i really wonder sometimes. under probation for BYC does no good huh. admit it. you'll never change. not for anyone. even yourself.

took delphinus yesterday. yes, my own squad.

had emaths remedial at first tho. it went quite well actually. we were doing on variation. "wth is that?!" i exclaimed to naz. apparently, i didnt attend the lecture bcos of.. what, i cant rmb. plus the day the last lecture was held, i didnt come to sch. think it was the time when i had a freakinglyshitbad case of diarrhoea. (pun intended) you know, stuff exited both ways. eeww. haha.. so then mrs choo (i still kinda call her ms choy) was so sweet man. i told her my tale and she offered to teach me there and then. so yeah.. she's nice. no matter what huiyun says!! =P

so back to yest's parade. the second one for the week. (last fri had o level listening compre) joined in only during the start of campcraft. hmm. that. (no comments) was pretty pissed abt it initially.

next was MOI for some,while those who took it alr did drills. i felt pretty awkward at first. cos it's my OWN squad and stuff. but i guess it was alright after some time. i think the 3 of us, being siew hwee, dina and me, looked uneasy and unsure. owells... it was a good hands on regardless of it all.

later part was.... impactful? delphinus had changing parade. and we're sec threes already. cos we, okay they, exceeded the counts. so they had to change back to FULL U!! it was pretty painful, actually to see them struggle like that while you're there telling them that they can do it or in other words, not experiencing the same thing they were. felt like i wasnt part of the squad anymore....? i dunno..

so then those who had the meet-the-parents session had to leave at 5.30. while the rest, me, rach, tricia and fiona, were debriefed.

the other 2 somewhat disappeared. the guides were cheerleading at the patch of grass beside the first level empty corridor. (describing the location's pretty wordy eh?) so me and tricia watched them for a while. they're routine's niceeeee... gwen was shakin' it mann.. woohoo! it's a nice blend of sexy/bitchy/hiphop-ish. but they shldnt pair the white skirt with hse tee.. the whiteandwhite combo not really nice lar.

then we went to the canteen to get some drinks. we sat and chatted while waiting for sophia and xiuqi. then crater came to the canteen as well. mjy started playing the piano in the canteen, that has plenty a keys gone bad alr btw. wow. she played so damn beatifully man. takes your breath away. according to tricia, it's some jay chou song. when played on the piano it's nice anyway. so then tricia whipped out her phone to record it. novabelle approached us and was like "put it away larhhhh". the noble prefect thing to do. lol.

nature called. went to the toilet. tricia re-played the recording. was quite soft. and our covo's recorded too!! haha. but the sound of the piano's very disitinct. so it was hear-able.

then we walked back to the empty corridor. sat on the bench which was at an odd position. it was pushed right up front facing the courtyard. we were practically kissing the bushes!! continued waiting for the two to be done debriefing sirius and be debriefed. ended up having a pretty intense gossip session.. myohmy. must repent! lol.. then i said "ok, enough! we're mean! no more gossiping!!" then tricia was like "hiyoh hudaaa... you say that all the time. but in the end also stil continue".. hahah.

so finally they were done. went home with sophia. and guess who we bumped into at the bus stop. no other then MLK!!! ohmyfreak. we decided we were pretty thirsty after all so we walked to the coffeeshop and then walked further up to the next bus stop.

in the bus, once again, was nodding off like crap. i realise i've been sleeping really late these days. it's like i'll be in bed, my eyes begging to snap shut. but my mind's just whirling ard. thinking and thinking. and thinking. maybe i think too much. starting to feel like krishna frm the english teacher. haha..

okay then. till the next entry..

ohyesss! forgot to mention that 3 of our sqdmates uniform's confiscated. hmm. altho clara left it there with her bag. was told by szeling sth that's pretty pissing man. i mean hello? how abt trying to OPEN YOUR EYES? irritating. they so suck. argh.

disappointing.
thought i cld have done better.
guess i was proven wrong.
can never get anything right.
didnt come as prepared as was supposed to.
why?

it
got
slightly
better
later.

but then.

it started again.
the disappointment
the heart aches,
breaks
for them.
unfair.
didnt suffer along.

deserve it?
didnt?
woke us up?
didnt?
ready for it?
not?


ready?


of course not.
will never seem to be
at this rate.



the alarm's still on snooze.

today was a rather eventful day. started out with PE. played rounders. was rather frustrated cos we kept losing. anyway a funny thing happened. not funny harhar. but funny so weird. didnt know that there are people would take such things personally. i'm sorry okay. =) it was just a joke..

bio was torture. i was trying my utmost best to not fall asleep. but all efforts were in vain. knocked off a couple of times. mrs chiaw is nice, i agree. buttt....

she's a sore bore that her lessons are such a chore!! hehe..

had jogging next. actually, more like strolling. haha. for some strange reason, 3c was given the opportunity to either jog as usual, or brisk walk. of course the latter won. hands down man. maybe it was cos we had pe earlier. but this nvr happened to us before! anyway, it was a nice change. ironically, when we're jogging, we jog silently, being no cheering just yakking, but when we strolled just now, we cheered like mad! hahah.. so then we were on our second round of strolling ard the sch, diana (main culprit) and some cuckoo heads shrieked like mad after our cheer. further up, when we were approaching the basketball court, our class got stopped by ms leong.

she asked who was screaming. diana immediately raised up her hand and admitted. exchanged a few words. some funny ones too. and ms leong, who was initially pretty pissed, was suddenly not so anymore. =) let's call it the diana charm. okay. tt's bad. shd never praise her.

next was recess of cos. the norm la. buy food and bring it up to class. heh. no prefects reading ya. i hope.

but

sth oh-so-entertaining-i-cant-bear-to-take-my-eyes-off-it happened.. lmfao just thinking abt it!

it was the period of time in between recess and the next period. actually, it was alr the next period. but. you know. so then i just happened to be looking across. and. saw mr sng standing outside 3N!!! whose classroom's doors and windows are snapped shut!!

which cld only mean one thing! they were all inside changing! tt's not even the funny part. you see he was waiting outside. and since it was change of periods time, there were a LOT of teachers that passed him to get to the other classes! includes mr clarence lim and lotsa others. quite a number of male tchers. they'd exchange a few words. and that other tcher wld give a knowing look/smile and they'd laugh.

and there 3c was. some still in a mess of tangled yellow and blue. staring opposite. watching the whole thing, all glued and interested as to what wld happen next. as though were watching a short movie or sth! only the popcorn was missing!! x) we'd laugh like possesed hyenas whenever a tcher passes by and acknowledges him, as though saying "been in your position before. tt's just the way it is here". esp the male tchers! they were hilarious!

and because off that movie, we ended up being SUPER late for physics!!! had to go to the lab. which is abt a classrm away frm our class. which of course made the situation worse cos then we had no excuse as to why we're late. poor mr ronnie goh!! =( first time i ever saw him quite that pissed till he burst. i mean, yeah, saw him get ticked off by our class before. but nvr did he flare. and you know what. even when he did flare, he still tried to control his emotions. so sweet. he's a great tcher. so patient and rocking!

had mt last period. omf did that suck. (hey! it rhymes!)

the cikgus were showing us this sajak written by isa kamari (dhuha's daddy!). it was sth abt adam and hawa. after playing tt, maria was asked "what did she think the sajak was abt". (in malay of cos). maria (like many others; self included) were kindda lost cos we cldnt really catch what the guy was singing/talking/whatever-ing. then i commented "you cant really hear the guy right? his mallay accent's too thick." get that. accent.ladies and gents, i said ACCENT.

so then cikgu nurhani exploded. it was freakeh at first. but pure irritating not to mention pissing as her talk progresess. she started on abt what it,or rather we, mean by being very "malay-ish". ok. now. i didnt even say "malay-ish"!!! she started on abt how the cikgus always hear comments abt soandso being very "malay-ish" and she wanted to know whether we're ashamed of being malays. omf. i cld have smacked her!! she was eyeing me half the time. esp cikgu mahani! *rolls eyes* seriously man. oh and she mentioned tt when cikgu mahani first came to cedar (2003, sec 1 then), she wanted to transfer out after only 3 days. (not that we really care)

then she asked those girls who arent 100% melayu to go outside the library for a while. cos she wanted to talk to the "real" malays. so out went abt a third of the class. those with indian/pakistan/chinese/english/arab blood was shooed out. she said sth like all the boyanese and javanese (me) ppl dun have to leave cos it's almost malay. or sth like that.

so fine. when the "impure" malays were out, she started a full crash course on why we should be proud of our race and language, et cetera. but cikgu nurhani later did say that she wasnt just talking abt me. she was talking abt the whole malay student body in cedar. and then she said that "we label malay-speaking ppl as minahs". which we dont. she doesnt even fully comprehend the whole minah concept. they're just like the malay version of ah lians. tt's all! nth else! jeez. she made it sound as if we're like that grp of blacks in detroit (i think) who murder other blacks in the same neighbourhood cos they're of different gangs 5 or so yrs ago.

uh hello?? abit extreme duncha think? *sigh* she didnt even giave me the benefit of a doubt. that maybe i did not say "malay-ish" and that she heard wrongly. i tried to ell her what i said was malay accent not malay-ish. argh! that was so fucking frustrating.

she mentioned sth about how the french speak only french and no other language. an how the germans only speak german, and nth else. amira pointed out sth darn well valid. those languages are national languages. malay is just a state language! oh for god's sake, only ppl in m'sia and s'pore speak the language. indo's bahasa indonesia. whatever man. at least now i know how nuzie and irah feel like when they get atacked by cikgu.

on a lighter note, chatted with josh and mar just now. it's great talking to old friends!! CARMEN CHAN'S COMING BACK!!!! we're all really excited cos she left for new jersey in p6 after PSLE.. =( she was so much fun man. she loves science to bits! always so enthu abt all the science projects ms tong/mdm norah wld throw us. although she's just visiting s'pore, not be a PR again. she's frm hong kong to s'pore to us. i was in the same grp as her in the later half of p6. THE MOUNTBATTENS rule!! =) so do the aethelreads actually..

wanted to blog abt my building excellence results. but yeah. maybe tmr. o.e's class of '02 rocks my smelly socks! x)

sch was at it's exreme [[slack]] today. knew i should have skipped! darn! see, that's exactly what happens when you dont follow your oh-so-trusty gut feeling. so anyways, i slept only at abt 1+ yest. so, as predicted, i was so friggin sleepy today! slept on the bus throughout the whole journey to sch. (took the early bus! yay!) then during morn assembly at the classrm block, fell asleep at several intervals. man, that woman can so nag. oh the reflections today were def diff. the choir ppl sang "come what may" frm moulin rouge!! so coincidental man. cos joshua sng was talking abt moulin rouge the other time during lit. and delphinus went thru a phase of singing tt song over and over again recently! haha..

listening to "missing you" my bsb. man, i loooovvvvvveeee tt song. it's so sweet and simple and the melody is so addicitve. think it's the millionth time i'm listening to it today!! x) okay, so some of you may claim that the backstreet boys are kindda passe. but you know what. i dont care!!! *skips joyfully ard* ladidada!!!

as you can see, i'm in a pretty gd mood i suppose. no idea why tho!hmm.

so, as mentioned above, today was extremely slack. had lit (12th night), then mt. recess, eng (serene didnt come, so mr ronnie goh *hypes up* came in for physics!!! yayness. i love physics! bio and chem are so NOT my cup of tea. but phy is! that reminds me. we've got a phy test tmr. studied halfway alr. taking a break now. jazzy and sheena came in 15mins late for phy!! cos they assumed it was free period i guess. so then, ying wai took her seat, which is in between me and clara. she's [yingwai] plain crappy! so huda+clara+yingwai equates to a fun session of bitching! hah. no worries. it wasnt that intense lar. typical 3c stuff. *grinns so overall, phy was great! =)

CE is such a wasted period. they shd replace it with "sleeping/resting" instead. you know, for us cedarians to recuperate and a reward for getting halfway thru the week! *sigh i really think cedar can be a bit too much at times. the stress level can be felt in the air during exam periods, i tell ya! in fact i'm not surprised if the presence of aunty stressy (ok.gotta admit. tt's kinda lame. lol.) cld be felt frm kilometers away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so. basically, we just did a review of last wk's STD talk. just to emphasize the msg that premarital sex is a no-no. but you know what. i still dont see the pt of having CE lessons to discuss abt how we feel abt thisandthat, that thisandthat is wrong, we shd thisandthat. i mean, we're 15 right. we know the basic stuff. and it's kindda up to us alr right to decide what we believe in. yes, i agree, we shd always have a check on our morals/values. but it's kindda ptless to try and "psycho" us now. but it's for the advantage of those who're still really naive i guess. *shrugs

"who needs the world" by nick carter's playing now on my playlist!! omf. this song is SO sweet. tt reminds me. dirah, naz and i were talking abt what type of songs we look like. ok. like example, you have a "pop" face. that kindda things.turns out, they say i have a "love song" face! perhaps it's true then. self confessed hopeless romantic at your service. <3>

kindda like that.

love.
what
a
powerful
thing.
which
can
turn
deadly.
when
interpreted
wrongly.

shit. lost my train of thoughts!! crappy fuck!

ohwells. some other time then. abt whatever it was i wanted to say. hrmph. it frustrates me like no other when things like this happen.


Who Needs the World
Yeah oh
I stare at your face
Into your eyes
Outside theres so much passing us by
All of the sounds
All of the sights
Over the earth and under the sky
Too much cold and too much rain
Too much heartache to explain
Who needs the world when I got you
Switch off the sun the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I got you

I walk on the street
Talk in the dark
I see peoples dreams just falling apart
I open my arms
Tried to be true
Seems like my only truth is you
Am I wrong
Or am I right
All I want is you tonight
Who needs the world when I got you
Switch off the sun the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I got you
Who needs the stars so bright
And the grass so green and the morning light
Who needs the wind to blow and the tide to rise
Who needs it... I dont know
I dont know
Yeah
Who needs the world when I got you
Switch off the sun the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I got you
Who needs the world when I got you
Switch off the sun the stars and the moon
I've all I need inside of this room
Who needs the world when I got you
Who needs the world when I got you

okay. yet another sch day has passed. i think it's freaky how much sch takes out of you. i mean, i reached home today abt 8 and was so freaking exhausted. kept nodding off in the bus. till i hit my head to the window ok. god. the sound was so loud ppl turned to stare at me. embarrassing.

anyways, so sch was pretty alright i guess. it was *shivers* cold today. borrowed yuwen's jacket. it was nice to cozy up to the jacket in class. felt co comfortable. the day seemed to pass quickly. which is great of cos. naz and dirah fasted today. and *drum roll* j was kindda mad at them for not telling her that they were fasting. oh wells. it's fake mad la.haha.. ;)

so e sch had to vote for 05-06 head prefect today during recess. voted for the best speaker and the most articulate of the four. no pts for those who guessed it right. too obvious for words. really think she'd represent cedar well. really well.

had dunn&dunn after sch. it's this workshop to define exactly what environment you are best suited to study in. like warm/cold, night/morn, as a grp/alone. tt kinda thing. it was an eye opener. apparently, i'm a "global thinker". go figure. hah. but it's interesting tho. had 6 parts to the survey. too bad couldnt bring home our results today.

so then had parade. actually, e rest had parade. me, fing, ying zhu and lee only came in time for MOI. oh god. MOI. it was pretty nervewrecking. had to rush to the toilet to pee. along with fing and su. hahahahahaha.. omg... speaking of that.

okay, you see there were some crater ma'ams in the toilet. then apparently, there was this packet of tissues on the sink. there was no tissue left on the roll thingy, so su and fing used that tissue. it was only later that we found out what led that particular packet of tissue to be abandoned.

you see, before hand, ma'am yiting was um. doing her business. then ma'am jy threw that packet of tissue into the stall. she missed and it went into the bowl. yepp. it was that same packet of tissue. haha. found out abt it later during debrief when ma'am shirlyn told us abt it. delphinus cldnt stop laughing!! everyone was giggling non stop. bu the wrose was sophia. sth's wrong with that girl today. sheesh. she was outta control!! laughing like mad. she totally caught the laughing bug.

so yepp. back to MOI. i realise that i always have this sudden surge of nerves before sth like 2nd class or sth. i'll just freak out. take yest for example. my heart was pumping like mad when hilda came out to command. cos i'm after her. it totally happened again. thank god there was that 5 mins for us to think of what we were going to say to the sqd. without that, i'd just stammer and be totally speechless. i need to continue exploring ways to calm my ever-so-jumpy nerves. freak it. so even with those 5 mins, i still couldnt chill myself. i was talking like en effing bullet trainnn!! oh my goodness. what the hell's wrong with me. it's just giving out instructions for god's sake! *shakes head*

got it over and done with. but um. had a bad start.picked the paper out of the plastic cup. the words on the paper made my mind go blank. "port arms". i was thinking wth is that. asked sir. and it turned out to be rusuk. strange how we dont know all those kindda terms. like "ground arms" and stuffs. i think i did pretty alright. except for the speaking too quickly part. you know. i do wonder why i get this sudden panick attacks. lack of slp? too short an attention span? (altho i dont get the link) i mean, i've tried the classics. deep breaths. check. count till 5. check. upped it to 10. check. even 20. check. running thru of the whole sequence of everything. check. or maybe it's cos of my performances in classrm related stuff. aka as studies. maybe it's cos of that that i lack faith in myself? becos of it, it has been practically drilled in my mind that "i cant do it". whatever it is, it's gotta seriously stop.it's affecting lots of other aspects in my life.

this leads to a resolution then. i shall do all schwork given by the tchers. dont think it's possible. but somehow seeing it word for word, it suddenly seems much more do-able. i mean, as compared to just thinking abt it in my mind. right?? right.

oh yeah. forgot to mention that i went to the baybeats thing last sat. apparently, mariam was ther too!! the exact same stage too! the world's too small. but big enough for me to miss her! x) so then met with jj, naz and some others at suntec first.

heard the sales at our stall was pretty bad. oh wells. the publicity did suck after all. hands up those who knew about the blue sky carnival at suntec convention hall 404 held last weekend? my point exactly. so supported our sch and bought two pairs of dangly wooden earrings. they're pretty cool actuall. have not seen anything like it. so yep. cikgu nurhani rocks! she was the "cashier". one pair is selling for 2 bucks, she gave me 2 for $2.50! *HUGE grin*

abt baybeats. met irah and murny there. murny didnt like it or sth. so she went home. irah then joined us. the performances were not bad actually. esp the thai grp. ohmygod. i forgot to mention abt the people there. there were so many poseurs! i'm damn serious! it's like you know. eww. hahahah. i dont get why ppl have to display their concept or wtvr be it ska and whathaveyous i mean, come on! those strange outfits you pull on for the sake of music? nah uh. so fake. these ppl just love to AA (attract attention). cant stand it.why not just appreciate the music? whatever man. had to really will myself to block out images of those freakos. although it was pretty tough. considering the fact that we were surrounded by people of such nature.

anyways, was at the stage further up the..urm..bay i suppose. when the thai band/cameramen came out on stage, there was a sudden uproar as people started the handsign parade. it was alright at first. but the poseurs there (abt 80%) kindda overdid it....? so anyways, we had a pretty gd spot in the center front. at the first (i emphasize, first) beat, the freakos ard us started moshing. or more like mashing. how sucky. cos we were right in the middle of it all.

central mash.

it was a total shock to me. cos i thot such things only happen to those well known bands like red hot chilli peppers or sth. hey! even the sum 41 concert '03 wasnt like that. why? (gonna get kinda judgemental and bitchy here. but really. you should have witnessed the whole thing) so why is it again that bands like sum 41's crowd dont crap like that? cos those freakos dont have the bucks to go to such stuff!!!!!!! HAH! *satisfied smirk*

pretty evil. but i really have sth against ppl who fake it.darling, read the blog add..

ohmyfreakingoodness. i totally cant stand those people. it's like as if they've got "hey! wassup?! we're the fakers of all fakes! and i think that's cool!! yo man!" tatooed to their body. along with "fake" stamped across their foreheads. seriously man. and the mashing was super bad. i myself am so shocked that no one was trampled on. me, j and irah were like trying hard no to let go of each other. in the end, some of us managed to come out of it alive. and naz was missing a SHOE!!!! and not surprisingly, those freaks find it FUNNN!! so darn amusing.

think abt it. it's the perfect opportunity for some guy to touch some girl all over the place and get away with "oh i'm sry! the guy was pushing me!" which may be true, but considering the increasing rate of pervs these days, you'll nvr know. take last yr's s'pore idol finals for instance. me and irah went to the red carpet thing. we made friends with these two girls. and at the pt where dan ong came out to announce that there werent any tix left for us, the whole crowd started pushing towards the doors. farah, one of the girls, was wearing a miniskirt. after the violent pushing stopped, she started freaking out and tearing. turned out that this bastard of a mid-40s man was using his fist to push/rub against farahs ass/tt area vigorously. ya, it was wrong on farah's part to wear a short skirt to these kinda events. but still.

in the end, these two guys who overheard us offered to help find that creep. searched the area for that sick OLD man. spotted him. confronted him. obviously he denied. and tt was tt. we dont have substantial eveidence to proof it was him and stuff. so the matter had to be dropped. sadly.=(

so my pt is!! why risk yourself to such situations when you can prevent it altogether? my mum would say "then dont go to such places then!". i say would you like to stay at home and hibernate then?! have fun but you gotta take care of yourself yeah? jeez. some pple are just to dense to comprehend such simple logic.

yuppsyupps. so guess that's abt it.. i do realise it is STILL a bit too looooonnnngggg once again. well, i just have a lotta say then! x) so yupps. here's to me keeping to my resolution! cheers! =)

wow. my third blog in 3 yrs. shall try to remain "faithful" to this one. let's hope so. okay. all of a sudden i find it pretty awkward pouring my thots to the computer and seeing it appear word for word on the screen. nah. it's just the first post thing i suppose. altho i dont have an answer as to why that's so (what 'first post thing??'). crap. i'm blabbering and i've not even completed the first para. great.

just read and re-read what i've written so far and came to the realisation that i sound pretty um. un-me. hmm.

anyways, guess what. i've got this sudden obsession to listen to all things britney. hah. her entire first 3 cds collection that is. hahah. strange me. but gotta admit that her songs find a way to get all glued in ya head (at least mine) after just one listen. interesting. very. and listening to all that britney made me reminisce about the great times at opera. (for the uninitiated, tt's opera estate pri sch. the greatest pri sch ever, without a doubt) and then i have the sudden yearning to be 10 to experience it all over again.

cos you see, the girls i grew up with (basically e jupiter gang), will be forever singing britney songs. whether it's in the bus to all those many places you visit when you're in pri sch. we'd sing westlife, bsb (who rock to the core!! diehard nick carter/bsb fan here!! *waves frantically), christina's "genie in a bottle" or wtvr, but we'd NEVER do without a britney. or recesses, even during MT period when cikgu mariam or was it cikgu jamaliah? (i'm so sorry cikgu. i love you but..yeah.."the truth of it all"..) was starting her darn boring lessons of writing qns on the blackboard, then, for us to copy onto our excercise bks.

another example... i remember racial harmony day. p2, i came all dressed up in my oh-so-pretty (or so i thot at the time) red, talk abt hott, kebaya. with DA TUDUNG, mummy's huge brooch included. on the wrong day. jeez. that was embarrassing. i dont recall crying tho. (strong me. (x ) but i do reacall calling my dad and pissing him off cos he had to come fetch me back home to change to my sch u. :x

then in p4, i remember playing the hmm. i have no idea what it's called. let's see. *pauses to think.. the mini crocodile thingy at the fitness centre. oh yes. now i remember!!! it was the 2 looooonnnngggg BENCHES!!! we (abt the whole of 4 Ju!!!) were playing on it crocodile style. (shant bother to elaborate for those who're alr lost). and i was wearing this cross cultural costume, chi/malay, and i almost fell over a couple of times cos there was no slit and it was extremely tough to switch bench to bench. but i refused to not play. hey! it was funn okay! i love those days man.

and how cld i ever forget the huda-dean-nicole saga. hah. that was memorable. long story short, i liked dean and stuff. but then nicole, whom at the time i'd have described her as a bitch, came into the picture. hence the famous triangle.

oh i was 11 at the time, btw. and she wrote me a letter. saying sry for i dunno.. was it "making dean like her, cos it's not her fault" or sth like that. i got possessed. i'm so freaking serious. cos i totally didnt expect what came next. neither would you. maybe it was the method of delivery that sparked it all. mazin, nic's sidekick or sth, ran up to me out of nowhere, then threw the piece of nicely folded paper at my feet. and then she stamped on it with her feet. no idea why. at first i thought it was some hate note or sth. so i started making blind assumptions within that span of 5 sec or so to open up the letter. so then...

the suspense kills huh. *grinns

so then i stormed up to nicole. crossing all the bags in my way, (it was at the hall, before assembly. i was with the jupiter girls, if i recall correctly). nicole was sitting on the stage with the neptune girls (i thot she was seriously acting big and completely bitchy). i tore up the letter into pieces and threw it at her face. and get this. i said "BITCH!". with all the p1s and 2s witnessing the whole episode. man, it' hilarious now that i think back. oh, and you know what. i didnt even finish reading the entire letter. ha.

why the uncalled for outburst, i hear you ask? well, for someone who um... matured early (if you get what i mean).. i take it as the funny thing called hormones going full blast or sth. plus, it was also the time where you sort of discovered vulgarities and tend to use it without even knowing it's true meaning. i mean, yeah i knew "bitch" was a female dog, but you know, i still didnt know the power of such words, the sort of true usage of it and stuff. if you dont get me, forget it.

so anyways, abt a couple of mths later, we became best friends. i cant remember how it all happened. so yupp. huda and nicole. i remember we'd go to tamp mall after sch, which wld be abt 7+ for no reason. hahah. our friendship was pretty great. then came along the start of secondary sch days, and we just drifted like *snaps fingers* that. but at least the memories remain...

then there was the whole almaas thing. but you know, let's save that for another entry for some other day alright.

oh yeah!! today during lit. it was supper cuckoo. clara was feeling strangely super turned on, so we started discussing the beloved topic of 3c. she took cynnthia's socks or sth and started acting it all out. i think you shd know what i'm talking abt. so since we were on that topic, we just decided to use that topic for the prose we were supposed to come up with. sex. what else. we're given "forceful" meaning the prose had to come up sounding forceful, of course. duh. so this was what we came up with. liane and i read it out to the class, amidst some stiffling of giggles begging to errupt.

pink: i read
blue: liane read
bold red:we both read

premarital sex. they both knew it was wrong. yet, they could feel each other's pent up lust as they stared longingly deep into each other's eyes. no, it's wrong! yes, it's right. no! it's not! yes! it's fine! it is WRONG!! of course it's wrong. how can society condone this behaviour? is everyone stupid? why's everyone playing with fire? oblivious to the risks that surrouds it all.

abortion. dont you know that you're killing a young innocent life, soul. a baby! what is the purpose of all this? to delve in a moment of folly smoked with lust. yet they dont seem to stop. or care. and the mindless killing continues...

not bad huh? x) so yupp. oh yeah. i think sng, i mean MR sng was staring at lock strangely while she was. um, acting out sick stuff with the use of the baby socks. hah. amusing.

ok. think this is a bit too long for a first post yeah? shall try not to blab too off course next time. cya.