today was interesting.

last period was mrs foo's period! yay. she's just too cool. that is when she isnt being too particular abt the lit files! anyway, we were discussing abt "the eng tcher", the chapter where susila actually dies. how krishna retold his story in a diary form, and not direct first account and why that's so.

something abt him wanting to be distant and giving him "room", so to speak, for him to actually control all his emotions cos they were too great for him to handle there and then.

mrs foo said somthing abt how it is human nature to "switch on this mode where we just shut off" whatever's bothering us. why shut off? cos how we feel about it is too complicated and too much for us to bear. she mentions how we are able to numb ourselves so we dont have to bear and feel things we dont wish to.

somehow, that reminded me of me. maybe that's why huh? why i cant feel anything. the numbing process of a typical teen. :)

but now i question, is it really that typical? i mean i dont know that many... or maybe i just didnt get the signs and overlooked all the small things that reveal so.

but if it's any consolation, at least now it's clear that no, i'm not a fucking piece of machine, incapable of being considerate to my mother's feelings. and furthermore, she's a gemini. overly sensitive and how do i treat her?! i guess i just dont want to feel it though deep down i know it....? sheesh. i hate all this.

it's so......... disturbing? i cant even think of the appropriate word to describe it all. *rolls eyes* now, i feel pathetic. self-pity? nah. not really. i think.

besides, even if so, it's not that bad and selfish of me to delve in the world of self-pity once in a while right?

so, after today, i hereby conclude that feeling numb equates to the refusal of the truth and the incapability of being strong enough to handle the facts. bitter or not.

i want the truth!
you cant handle the truth!!
(rmb a few good man? the snippet they showed on ch 5 some time ago)

so. that simply means, i dont wish to admit it. i just want to snap it shut so i wont feel it. not a single bit. zilch.

heartless? nope. selfish? maybe.
*

*

*

okay. i have to pick up the mood. it's too... y'know...

so after school, the pnp and the admin ppl went to np store to do whatever it is that we're supposed to do. tricia tagged along too.

great laughs. x)

after that me, xq and su went to the canteen for a while. *blub blub blub* =P

tmr's tchers day and i dont have anything for any teacher. except for ms tong and mdm norah! god, i'm horrible arent i? none for cedar tchers.

reason? i'm not inspired enough by any of them. at least none that i find worthy enough for me to get them something.

hard to please? yeah. perhaps.

oh goddamn it quit it alr. it's just a damn bandage. so yah. i bought the WRONG kind for my dear bro who's wrist still hurt like shit. OKAY. i get it! anyway, you only yelled at me cos daddy dearest did that to you. SO? why the hell involve me? pls lah. i'm "selfish and proud" what. so why bother? tell me!! WHY THE HELL BOTHER. jeez. i thought it was all over, that we'd be over all that crap once and for all. apparently no. it isn't. it's still going on huh?

i'm SORRY i cant be the perfect daughter for you alright! GOD. i'm immune to words right? i have no feelings! i dont have a heart! right right RIGHT? so that gives you the PERFECT reason to throw your words at me.

it's okay what. i'm "as hard as a rock". i cant feel. words dont hurt me. go ahead. continue spurting those accusations frm your freaking mouth. i guess that's where i got that trait from huh?

OKAY. lotsa stuff to blog abt today.

first thing's first. I HAVE TO SIGH SO LOUDLY at what i've come to know. *SIGHHH

okay, school.

today had strange climaxes and dips. got back ss paper and i was shit crushed. since i hate ppl who piss (more like cry) and moan and get all upset abt they're performance for a certain test, i tried my best to shut up and be discreet abt how crap i was feeling.

HA. to no avail. cos i accidentally thought aloud. aiya. stupid mistake. then jazzy patted my arm while clara (lock) made me this pretty rose out of blu tack. i HAVE to complain!

I'M THAT EASY TO READ MEH?!?!?!?!

hur. so much for wanting to appear mysterious and alluring. sigh.

had lit after that. there was some mixed up as to which com lab we're supposed to go to.. in the end went to AS2 cos all the labs are occupied with ppl filling out surveys.

everyone was so at ease there man. lying on our stomach's with our legs up. hehe.. for once lah huh?

had an intersting convo with mr sng. and no! I DID NOT LOOK LIKE THAT OKAY YOU SILLY CLASSMATES PEERING ABT FOR NO DAMN REASON!!!!! @!*$ =p

apparently, many ppl were feeling snappish and cranky during that period. i'm no different. =/

anyway, the rest of school time was boring. had chem remedial after sch. *snore

SO. i was supposed to meet stupid cow at cine's cheers there at 4. bloody hell. that fucker stood me up!!

MARIAMMMMMMM................ HOW COULD YOU DAMMIT!!

BUT. it turned up to be rather nice after all!! see, i kindda miss shopping in town alone. the last time was like what? mothers' day!! well you see, my stupid sis cancelled out on me super last minute cos she was too pooped after coming home abt 4+! stupid woman. see lah. then got hangover somemore!!

IRRITATING.

so yes. after waiting for a good half and hour for dearest cow, i decided to go without her. stupid cow. i swear she's gonna pay!!

walked to heeren there. no nice wallets!! how is that so? so went on to wisma. nay. headed on to the mng outlet behind shaw. hmm. wasnt sure whether that'll be my next love. so went on to pacific plaza. hmm. more choices!! made my mind whirl man.

scarily, i ALMOST splurged a gd 55 bucks on this roxy wallet. SHEESH. yes i know. pure insanity right! thank god for salesgirl no. 1 who whispered loudly to salesgirl no.2 "wah cow! 55 fucking dollars! for me right, any nice ten buck wallet will do."

unfortunately, i'm cant be as heck care as her. so yeah.

that comment snapped "me" back to me. and since i didnt want to walk anymore, had some serious choosing to do btw this black mng one or this other black voodoo one. ended up with the mng wallet!!

hehehe.. i LOVE. yes FINALLY. a new wallet!! :D

bah. i bet i looked like an idiot going in and out of mng in my sch uniform!

okay. so then headed for wisma again. and bought earrings frm forever 21!! nice nice nice!! and i want their gold bag!! it's so nice. will try to get it next week!!

MWAHAHAHAHA. will get monthly allowance starting frm sep! yay. cant wait!!

BUT. shall learn how to manage my money. yes. I WILL OKAY. i hope lah. =x

ok then. i think that's it. goodnight!

ps: did you know that 65 changed it's route! now it turns at the youth centre there! yay! so much more convenient man!

pps: oh yah! did you read abt that london law firm? where sex gets you to the top. apparently, this guy "alex gilmore", of cos not his real name, wrote this bk abt what that law firm practices.
which includes the men lawyers using their tongues to take out lemon slices frm new interns' cleavage. the writer dude used to work there. OMG. damn funny lah! BUT it definitley stained the profession. sad sad. so, the author's real name was revealed and all. hahaha. all for laughs! x)

mariam claims that i'm never on time. really meh? i mean yah. once in a while i may be a little late. but not always what. eeyer.

and aniszah here is being an idiot for not wanting to go town with me NOW. i need a new wallet dammit. and i dont think tamp mall or compasspt has anything nice. *sigh* difficult ppl. she's still contemplating....? =/

anyways, so far, this weekend has been great for me! x)

ytd, my fam and i went to ilhan's and sarah's first b'day party!!! *grinns* they are so freaking cute. oh. i cant believe i forgot to mention this. my mum babysits ilhan/han han everyday and on fri, sarah/lin lin comes too!

so yes, everyday after sch, if i come back before 7, i'll be greeted with cute smile-and-squint faces!! hehe..

so yep. headed for costa sands resort at east coast there.

oh. before that, dropped by tamp mall to get their presents! they both got a SUPER cute cap/hat and a cuddly soft toy each!

god. i LOVE soft toys. the soft soft/velvety, synthetic-but-doesnt-feel-like-synthetic kind of fur. not the stupid irritating and freakingly synthetic-feeling kind.

so yes. kakaks idayu and andriany definitely had their hands full! their my cousins, sisters who gave birth to their kids a day apart! cute right? but it's kak idayu's second kid and her sis' first.

had a great time. i tell you, hanging out with yer relatives can be a real laugh. esp when you have aunts who like to tekan each other like 24/7!!

was supposed to just drop by then leave by abt 8+. we ended up spending the night there! when we didnt even bring anything! sheesh. long story lah.

so yes. since none of my toiletries were with me, i didnt shower till i got home abt 2 hrs ago.

EH. YOU DONT "EWW" ME OKAY!

i mean it still beats how gross you feel when in camps. and hello! OAC, first day, 3c didnt get to bathe! even though we were under the merciless sun, scaring ourselves silly doing the high elements!

so dont you dare say that being dirty for 28hours is gross.

had a great time talking with my cousins. although they're now so OLD, married with kids, and unfortunately, have wrinkles which comes along in the package to motherhood. HAHA! kakak idayu will scream if she hears that!

also conversed with their other halves and it only got more intersting! hahah.. many topics were covered, though not thoroughly considering how girls love to just "skim" convo topics. us at least. oh yah. and they're not girls anymore! WOMANS! X) *insides

ilhan's so cute! he has such pitiful eyes you know. and linlin's so cheeky! hahah. cheeky monkey as what her mum calls her. see, she's cheeky and she's born in the year of the monkey!

anyways, cute one yr olds aside, I HATE COSTA SANDS RESORT.

firstly, it's packed to the brim on weekends, at least this weekend. in issac's words, "at least now we know where the other half of singapore goes to!"

second, like abt half of them are those poser-ish kindda late teens gang who get drunk till the wee hours for no goddamn reason. and getting high on BEER?! quite lame right. dare so much then you drink only 3% alcohol?!

thirdly, you have neighbours who act as thought their chalet is the next k-box, blasting their horrid voices for the whole world to hear.

fourthly, the air there is so bad, i think it could have been a bad as the recent KL haze! it either reeks of cheap beer, stupid ppl who dont know how to tie their trash bags (both the ppl and the trash reeks), a mini haze thanks to the countless bbq pits all saturated at one place, OR you get ALL THREE.

urgh. even my face auto-scrunches up in disgust with the mere thought of it. although now i wince picturing how gross i must have looked when i scrunched up my face.

BUT. the place there is relatively cheap, it's convenient cos it's like at east coast beach itself and the sunrises there are so beautiful.

ah. pretty pretty sun!

cant possibly get everything your way i suppose.

so this morning, after watching the sunrise, "debbie's facelift", "designer guys" and "the mountain", the brat and i went roller blading!

we actually wanted to go cycling at first. but er. cycling in heels or barefooted wasnt exactly appealing to me.

one would have thought that jeans and a tshirt would be comfortable enough to do anything. but hell is that plain untrue.

blading in jeans is no joke. and i felt incredibly stupid although the weather was pretty alright.

thank god there were other nutheads who bladed in jeans too! yay. misery loves company. :D

it was good. bladed for abt one and a half hrs. i think i should inculcate the habit of blading every weekend! it's a nice change of environment. (you just have to look past the waters though.) and it's peaceful enough to think to yourself and let your imaginations run free!! PLUS, it's healthy! AND you'll be a lot happier after a session of blading! endorphins... aha!

hmm..

unfortunately, hakiem fell and hurt his left wrist pretty bad. when we got back, my dad examined it and claimed that it was just the impact which made it hurt like crap.

after checking out and all that, the 3 fams headed for razack's where abg razif reserved earlier on!! yum. their food is so good! the chicken dumplings and the wanton is so delicious! and yeah. it's this chinese muslim restaurant. the owners are hongkong muslims.

after lunch, went back home, took the long awaited long bath slacked a bit here and there and here i am! heh. i took so extremely long writing this post.

OH. and in the end? i'll just go buy my wallet tmr with stupid cow. since aniszah's mean and siti cant go bcos it's "last minute". pls lah. since when do we plan when we go out so before hand?! -.- excuses!

oh yes. read abt "richest girl in singapore". hmm. she's spoilt, obviously. but after reading her blog, she's quite okay lah apart frm being spoilt. and erm. she sort of flaunts her stuff? i dunno! trying hard to be objective here.

also read abt the constance chee trial thingy. apparently, that woman is rather sharp and her words pretty acid-ish. wait, i mean acidic! lol.

and ytd's new paper is so funny! flirt+boss+work=no promotion

okay then till next time, cya! :)))

i really have no idea what i'm gonna blog about. okay. shall just go with the flow. yes.

this morn's assembly was interesting. i suddenly realise that ms leong's actually pretty wise? and ohidontknow. well, at least she spoke great sense today.

a lot of us can relate to that i suppose. (read: npcc) she was talking about change and all? how we get to decide whether we want to be left behind or move forward like what everyone else is doing.

she said lots of stuff that i guess we need to catch a hold of. before we realise it too late?

all she said suddenly made me rmb everything. like you know the kind of memory that flashes like a kaleidoscope? all at once? yeah. that kind.

oh god. i suddenly remembered that i actually have a lot of things to do tonight. CRAP. nah. tt's okay. one thing at a time. yes. no need to panic.

*sigh

AMATHS TEST TMR! omf. panicpanicpanic. (and what did i say abt not panicking?)

just now, my bro had a sudden craving for burger king. no. dont ask. SO. being the great big sis i am, i brought him to tamp mall there for erm. a REALLY early dinner? abt 5+?

see. this is exactly how i while my time away. doing redundant things as such. hrmph.

i feel exposed suddenly. no clue why. the sudden pressure to do well? in all aspects of my life? i DONT KNOW.

eeks. i hate insecurities. and the whole load of emo baggage crap that comes along with it. such a pest. as irritating as the 10% service charge restaurants INSIST we have to pay on top of the 5% gst! like it's not our fault they need to hire waitresses right? (okay huda. you're sidetracking.)

anyway, just now, i was talking to clara (lock) abt being an eng tcher. or a lit tcher. easy money yes? as in, no need to study so freaking hard. plus it seems quite cool to have the class' attention all to yourself right? AND you can still lead a pretty alright life.

BUT.

no thrill? no adrenaline pumping? no feeling so powerful just cos you argued your way in? no feeling like you just saved someone's life, literally. no feeling so damn good cos you love what you're doing?

being a tcher's SO not as cool as being a lawyer. BUT. at the rate i'm going?

i can only dream.

so dream i shall.

*sigh

suddenly i wanna go back to pri sch days! so carefree! gosh. miss feeling that free and unattached. which reminds me! next week! going back to O.E! yay. fun fun. will meet up with the 6 ju peeps again. hopefully ms tong will treat us to pizza again! :D

(okay woman. AMATHS TMR. get off the damn com!)

shall go obey the inner one. ciao babes!

i'm loving it. i'm loving it all. :D

today was pretty alright on the whole i guess. after sch had cc selection. it was interesting.

OH and mr sng!! I WANT MY UNSEEN PAPER BACK!! other classes got it back alr okay! he better give us back on fri. he better.

i'm really bored. i hate it when ppl declare that. but well. *shrugs*

oh yes. i know. since i didnt catch the national day rally speech, shall go read up on it now. come on say it! i'm good... :D

bah. it was darn long. so many segments etc. but it was enlightening all the same.

anyway, yes. i'm sorry najib! didnt know it would affect you! really. no more secrets k? promise. i swear on my darling kieffy!!

oh yes. i cant believe i've not mentioned kieffy. and even if i do, it's extremely rare, yeah? well kieffy's my cat! :D

she's been my confidante since i was 8. cool? I KNOW.

anyway, i know you're probably thinking what a weird name! well, you see, i was at the pet shop at erm. serangoon there? and i was saying aloud to my dad. and well the rest of the world since i used to LOVE to talk loudly. (maybe i still do? heh.)

ANYWAY, here's how the convo went.

cute me: papa! i'll name her ki ffy!
papa: hmm. nice. why ki ffy? K-I-F-F-Y right?
cute me: NO lah pa! it's k-i-E-f-f-y!!
papa: hmm..
cute me: bcos right pa. KI stands for kitten and FFY stands for fluffy!
papa: then where did the 'E' come from?
cute me: bcos pa, if dont have 'E' dont look nice. CANNOT.

i cant believe i still rmb all that. well, i was just overjoyed to finally have a cat or rather kitten of my own. and well, it was a pretty historic moment for me ?

see, i've loved cats ever since i was really really young. so whenever i saw a stray, i'd run to it, pat it, stroke it and basically play with it without any regard that it could have bitten me or i dont know. maybe it's DIRTY?! lol

so yes. my mum got so sick of that she decided that she and my dad will get me a cat of my own for my eighth.

OH. and you know what? i still rmb how much everything cost that day at the pet shop. since that was the first time we actually had a proper pet. as in fish all not counted cos they dont really need TLC.

so, my dad was pretty kiasu lah. bought EVERYTHING a cat would ever need. the food, the kitty litter, the litter sand, the food bowl, the collar, the play pen, the pyramid thingy with a ball hanging frm it, etc. it all amounted to FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOUR FRIGGIN BUCKS. )inclusive of cat.)

and no. dont ask how i cant still rmb that figure thought it's close to SEVEN years ago. whoa.

i love my cat lah. hehe. speaking, i mean typing of the devil. she just jumped up on my lap. hard to type. brb.

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***

okay! BACK! okay, kieffy aside!

hmm. you know how sick and tired you are of everything sometimes? well, i think for some people, it happens at higher frequency? like more often and much more affecting than others? well, i think sometimes right, they tend to be blinded by all the simple joys in life. such as appreciating friends and the good times spent with them.

pls try to think of those who'll be affected with whatever you're doing. you may be thinking you're only harming yourself. but dont you ever consider the pain and worry you cause others?

no, i'm not saying that it's your fault others worry. that's just cos they care. but pls do think of the consequences alright? you may not realise it, but there are many out there who really do care for you.

why dont you try to live life a little and appreciate small meaningful gestures? it may shine some light. pls dont hurt yourself anymore. see the brighter side of things ok. there will ALWAYS be a brighter side to everything. you just gotta search it high and low. you'll find it. that i'm sure. :)

okay. that's all. goodnight fellas. and you ladies as well.

hey there! sry for not updating the past few days. in a state of got-better-things-to-do, y'know?

anyways, my blog is still under repair. but you know what, i dont think it's that bad. i mean, still got the picture and can still read my entry right?

got back a few papers today. damn. eng tcher paper JUST PASSED. great. i cant even excel in the subject i take as my best/forte. how nice.

it's okay. i shall work harder. yes. and no, it wont be a NATO thing. NO okay! it wont.

oh and yes, i'd like to apologise for the recent "distance" and vagueness in the past few entries. it's not that i dont wanna mention everything in details... but... well. one word. restrictions. oh, and another follow up-consequences.

today was a rather short day. that is till the last period where loy dragged the lesson on even after the bell rang. URGH. so inconsiderate okay! i mean hello! she always drags her lesson to the next lesson. thus, causing a freaking chain effect which obviously never occured to her. think deeper into the situation huh? well well well... who's eating her words now?

and yes! ugh. miss begam! y'know at least i took into consideration to inform you that i wont be attending for chem extra lesson for personal reasons which i find of more importance then, i'm sry to say, chemistry. i mean. forget it. why bother explaining myself when it doesnt matter ANYWAY.

so, all those who didnt go on mon after sch had to see her during reading today. AND we had to fill up this form thingy. like parent's name and contact number, reflection, blahblahblah. you wanna call my mum? CALL MAN! let's just see what my mum would fire back at you okay? i state my priorities. i made it clear that it's not that i hate chem or i dont like you or i just want to skip the lesson right.

so yes. my mum's doesnt just take things as it is on the surface ok. i mean. whatever lah. let's just see what'll happen.

and yes. i know everthing that happens is the result of how much effort i've put in. I KNOW. who the hell doesnt. i reap what i sow. yes. i get it. so back off.

okay, all angst and frustration aside, let's see what else i have to say.

oh yes. after school, went to key in the cca thingy with xw, xq and su. it was pretty erm. confusing/chaotic at first. but it was just the com. -.-"

yup. oh yes. and recess today, tried the 2a spaghetti thingy. it was actually rather good. hilda, sumi and jolene tasted it and they cant believe that cocoa powder was actually part of the ingredient. lol. fusion food.

read ma'ams charmaine's, gauri's and li wen's blog. made me tear like crap. just when i thought i'd be stronger and over the crying stage. ohwells. i guess the r'ship delphinus had with crater was different and somehow closer as compared to previous squads maybe cos of the yr gap?

thank you crater for everything.

oh and i went to read up on delphinus' constellation and everything. it was enlightening, definitely.

talked to tricia on the phone just now. becoming a routine. die lah. take up my time only! no no. just kidding. call anytime yah.

oh yes, yesterday, had a "meeting" with our ncos. touching, inspiring, cute and really sad. emotional. there was an exchange of letters. and i think our gift is so cute! they had to fall out before they were presented to us y'know! :D

oh. and process your thoughts before you let it slip out of your mouth! yes. always keep that in mind! (self note: ALWAYS keep it in mind.)

ok. this is too long. so yep. till the next entry, goodnight.

ps: i know this entry is in fragments and not in any particular order. so yes. sorry. i'm just not in the right state of mind right now. =x

pps: i think everything happens for a reason. you dont have to blame yourself for it. that's no reason why you cant still live life to the fullest and enjoy what you can. no point in dwelling about what problems you face. cheer up and think positive okay? NO MORE suicidal thoughts or thinking of running away alright. everything happens for a reason. something great will always happen to overpower this set back. it's just a matter of time before you finally see the light in the presently dark world to you. smile always and dont let it affect your r'ship with others. rmb, just because it hurts you, it doesnt mean you have to let it hurt others too.

today was crater's POP.

met geraldine and siewhwee at pp macs first. then went to the market to buy some gross stuff. FISH and EGGS. did we even use them in the end?

then cabbed to sch. lazy to walk lah. and anyway, we were running pretty late.

games first. three words. CHAOTIC but sucessful. :)

tricia and i were under the first station. the obstacle course thingy. (till now, i cant seem to rmb the NAME of this game!).

it was fun! ma'am kamaliah and ma'am winnie stayed there for a while. and ma'am kamaliah was seriously confusing a lot of them! HAHAH.

there was even this one time where she actually managed to lead one of them OUT THE DOOR!! omf. that was seriously darn hilarious! and they were SCREAMING like there's no tomorrow! i'm amazed my eardrums didnt pop after it all.

then the squads had interaction time with their respective ncos. i think we had too little time? anyway, halfway thru, me, rachel and clara rushed down to the canteen to prepare the tables for refreshments.

we had POP rehearsal. it was pretty tense? most of us were anxious and irritable. (self included =x) but it all went rather smoothly in the end.

then rachel bersurai-ed everyone. and crater ma'ams started crying! it was such sad sight. but rather touching, y'know?

it was refreshments next.

FINALLY the food was good this time around!

anyway, the crater ma'ams were all tearing in the canteen. breaks my heart just looking at them. it's like you can see all the thousand and one emotions they're feeling. it's all written in their eyes.

we brought all our gifts to the buzz at canteen stage there. our timing sucked. sorry!! but in the end, we gave out the gifts and we roamed around. sort of lost? to me at least.

aries was really crying. it's really obvious how much they dont want crater to pass out.

anyway, eventually our squad came to sit where our presents were. we just SAT there staring. some sqdmates commented on __________. hmm. gotta agree with a lot said.

so sometime during the refreshments time, me and geraldine gave ma'am jy her gift. :)

way way wayyyyyyyyy before hand, we were like "eh, must tell her 'ma'am can you open it now cos we want to see your reaction!' " but you know. heard of NATO? lol.

anyway, when ma'am shirlyn and ma'am liwen left the canteen, me and tricia raced to them. wanted to give ma'am shirlyn her gift.

but well, some of the sec 2s rushed to her too. so, we kindda backed out. cos she was their nco after all.

wow. paste tense already.

so yeah. then our 3 lovely ncos talked to us. one look at them and i started to tear a little. stupid rachel! she mentioned it and the more i couldnt stop! *smacks rachel's head* me, tricia and szeling sat at the third rank together. now aries' ncos...

and then when ma'am jieying came, her impact was like whoa! more sqdmates started to tear.

there was this point in time when our ncos started to cry. of course that was accompanied by more tears from us. those who held back their tears, well, their floodgates pretty much splashed open.

y'know when delphinus cried with our ncos just now, the air was so sweet and sad at the same time. bittersweet.

it was the kind of perfect silence. all of us somewhat found solace by the sobbing and sniffling. the understanding was there. everything was understood both ways. it was simply wonderful.

then it was "gift part 1". they gave us this trousers kind of keychain. handmade. you know the kind that you have to bake to harden? cos well, "delphinus is a pair of trousers" and now, we're donning on a brand new pair. and we'll stand tall and proud, do what we gotta do and not let crater down.

the ma'ams told us a lot of meaningful things. was greatly touched. wise words. encouraging words.

then sir tan just had to barge in to inform us that "[we] really have to leave now" cos it's already two. and all the tchers have already left. so unless we're gone can he go home.

hmm. super anti climax can? argh. contain your feelings huda!

oh and there was someone from np who was being supported by ma'am winnie and ma'am kamaliah. we think it's silin? her condition seemed to be pretty bad. omg! hope she's alright..

anyway, the other crater ma'ams were there at the second level empty corridor also. ma'am shirlyn presented us this black notebk. for us to reminisce and reflect away on paper as a squad.

then we were shooed out. so, delphinus MOVED our location to the foyer! HAHA. so basically, we were still in school, "waiting for our parents to fetch us". when in actual fact, we're just hanging ard waiting for sqdmates or sth. ;)

oh yes! then me and tricia were searching for ma'am shirlyn, cos well, we've still yet to give her our gift. we even searched the toilet. cos maybe she was changing?

so finally, me and tricia ran across the courtyard to the canteen. and yes! she was there! so yep. cornered her at the rubbish bin area?? and yes. presented her our token of appreciation for everything. :)

and her first reaction? she glanced at the paperbag and went "did you guys spend a lot on this?"

of course we HAD to say "err. no ma'am" asap. but truth be told... you go figure k? obvious lah.

exchanged a few words while i was silently praying, hurry hurry hurry. dont wanna piss the cis off. HURRY! but yes, what she said was meaningful.

then RUN RUN RUN back across the courtyard to the FOYER! (safe hiding place. sort of.)

waited for szeling. and FINALLY she came. most of us had to bring back food cos there was TOO MUCH food man. SO MUCH! *shakes head*

then sl was like "eh, how? you give ma'am shirlyn her gift already?" to us. when we said yes she started to panic. why? cos she still hasnt given ma'am joleyn her gift. and she obviously cant go back to the empty corridor cos cis would definitely scream. so... dhilshad was conveniently THERE. (ncc and guides had their farwell thingys today as well.)

we made her go ask ma'am joleyn to see szeling! HAHAH.

she, as in ma'am joleyn, ran here? or something like that. lol. and then, being the lovely sqdmates we are, we embarrassed szeling! HAHA. they took pics. and the picture turned out REALLY NICE you know! both of them look so cute! with szeling looking away. SHY lah.

after all that, me, xw, tricia and szeling went to serangoon macs. talked quite a lot. esp in the bus. hmm.

then went home. and i didnt know i was THAT tired. cos i was just lying down on my bro's bed cos i was feeling lonely and i hate it. see, i was feeling sad and scared about everything and i'd just burst if i'm alone for any longer.

so yeah. i bugged him, put my head on the pillow.

and BAM! i'm gone. cant believe i actually slept for like 2hrs plus??

so yes, that shall be all for now. goodnight.

a tribute to delphinus' ncos '04-'05

for all those times you stood by us
for all the truth that you made us see
for all the joy you brought to our lives..
for all the love we found in you..
we'll be forever thankful..
you're the ones who helped us up..
you're the one who saw us through,
throught it all..
you were our strength when we were weak..
you saw the best there was in us..
you gave us faith cos you believe..
you gave us wings and made us fly
we lost our faith, you gave it back to us
you said no star was out of reach..
you stood by us and we stood tall
you were always there for us..
the light in the dark...

you've been our inspiration..




you've made an impact on us. you'll remain etched in our hearts forever. and for that, you'll be dearly missed.

today was a day full of funny moments. funny "har har", funny "uhh. okay.." and well funny "plain weird" i suppose. basically all the emotions which seem out of place?

something like that. god. dont pester me abt my language. i MYSELF am feeling "funny" right now. *SIGH

lessons were a bore. as per normal. but NO! i must try to make myself as interested as possible! remember! YOU ARE INTERNALLY MOTIVATED!! (courtesy of the dunn and dunn results)

had chem test. no comments. shant even bother to tlak about it.

then had parade. now THAT was "funny" a-lot-of-feelings kind.

pop preparation. shant comment about that either.

after everything was done and we're all shooed out of the sch, me, tricia and gerri went to compasspt! to continue on our MISSION!

and you know WHAT?!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!! :D

felt really high just now.

was so torn, initially, as to what to get. you know me. a libran and all. so yeah, being indecisive and fickle is a well known trait of those born under the sign.

so cool and nice OHKAY!

but one is me and tricia then the other one is me and gerri. :))

talked quite a lot and realised quite a lot too. accumulated feelings, quite a lot?? and well a lot of things "quite a lot".

i really dont know anymore.

anyways, whatever it is, tomorrow is now today. and today shall be the day we shall all shine bright. us ALL. you and US.

you'll be forever remembered. never to be forgotten. role ncos for us to follow suit. we appreciate all that's been done.

have much more to say. but y'know. i do need my SLEEP.

tommorrow will be a better day. ;D

today only reached home at nine thirty!!!!!! oh god.

in the morning, found comfort in the national anthem again. =x i know. i'm weird right. well, it was so touching and well, it struck a chord in most of us i suppose. hence, triggering the floodgates to open. *sigh* definitely memorable. this week has been full of intense emotions of super high and freakily low.

but we'll pull through it all. :)

anyway, today mr goh didnt come. :( but our class had a harmonizing session!! was so fun man! at first it was just a small grp with mainly novabelle on the vocals and beatrice on the guitar. but somehow, the whole class ended up joining in. at least who were in class then.

we sang such sad sappy songs! the kind that can really kill a romantic person. sang "love me", "if we hold on together" (omg! last yr POP!! *sigh*) and "paint my love" to cite a few.

then THK walked in on us singing the last chorus of "love, me" for the second time. hmm. the session was put to an end so abruptly! how sad.

the rest of the day was basically the norms. although i kindda like amaths nowadays. if you were to tell me that i'd actually say that a few months back, i'd have laughed myself to death. *rolls eyes* what a horrid time. learning amaths frm a tcher as such! =x

after school had the continuation of the dunn and dunn workshop. the guy's actually very nice and interesting. so smart and wise! he was so funny! taught us how to defend ourselves when we're attacked by creeps. it was pretty entertaining actually.

although the stats he provided us are seriously mind boggling. *shakes head to "shake, shake it off"*

during the break, me and rachel went inside 2/o classroom!! our old class! damn do we miss it! :( they have a class pet hamster!!!!! so cute!! oh. and they are using our last yr's whiteboard ledge (or is it latch?) mini brush! hahah..

when the brilliant tricia and szeling only came in during the break time. but in the end, we didnt go back after the break! went to see ma'am instead.

and i'll only have this emoticon to express how WE felt! ^.^ hahah. that's a FIRST in my blog so yes. it's special. :))

anyway, after that, me, gerri and tricia walked to potong pasir and took the NEL to sengkang. then tricia went home, while me and gerri went to compasspoint to eat our dinner first before looking ard for *shh*...

it was hilarious! getting so hyped up for no reason! gosh. how weird! and we were feeling so freaking inspired just now! hahahah.. still do actually.

then we went to the bus int and yep. went home! mum nagged a bit here and there. *sigh* the usual yeah? so okay then. goodnight!

ps: every day, one girl is raped here in singapore. every five minutes, a girl is raped in america.

i only came home at nine just now.

sch was super slack. every weds even week is 3c's slack day.

we had a fun morning assembly today! trust mrs wu to come up with something like that. shant bother to elaborate further.

first period had lit, twelfth night. felt bad. he was really trying to be as nice as he could. putting it that way and all. he could have been harsher cos well... we did try to take advatage of him and make the most of what we could. which is of course a valid attitude in the outside world. but it's school. so yeah. we shall all co operate yeah?

but of course we wont go to the extend to TRY to act all intellectual just to PLEASE him for god knows what reason. ;)

ANYWAY, 3c, 11 frm 3i and 3h went to SPH during TOP period. was rather intersting though most of it was in chinese (some cock up abt not knowing students of other races will be coming along). so if it got too boring, we just entertained ourselves by going thru each other's wallets! lol.

the tables of the MANY journalists was so cool! it really looks like what the movies show. all those cubicles and stuff. naz, dirah and i were like pointing out which journalists are messy and which are super organized it pained my eyes seeing things so proper.

OH! and we were like taking the mini snacks from the "pantry" corner in the editors' office! hahah. the guy offered what. so, we must be polite and accept the offer right? hahah. it was a funny sight seeing everyone scramble to grab something to munch on!

when we came back, i talked to gerri for quite a long time outside my class. had a nice conversation! very insightful and well, i guess now i understand things better and see things much clearer. what we talked about was definitely food for though for me.

then had amaths extra lesson after sch with 3h at the theatrette. i think it was quite useful cos it did clear some of my doubts. i repeat, some. and i like the environment!! quite. except for the sudden up in noise levels when we all got restless.

then when up to 3i with fiona to go do the stuff with the rest of delphinus.

quite a lot of stuff happened. good and bad i suppose. got to spend time with sqdmates but well, things arent exactly so smooth sailing of late. :(

one thing i've come to regret is not knowing the rest of my sqdmates better earlier. what a waste. but it's still not too late! cos we do have a year plus more! :))

wrote and wrote and wrote. felt (notforalltoknow) which is bascially what most of us feel anyway. realised things that i dont usually take notice of. and well, it speaks a lot by just knowing those things.

hmm.

was so sad when my suggestions were REJECTED so BLUNTLY by xiaowei and tricia!!! :( but i rather them. so yes, didnt take it to heart and we all started to think and plan immediately! so efficient!

then me and hilda took a break and went to the canteen.

went back up again and then me and rachel set off to parkway parade! wow. it's bee so darn long since i last went there. did what we were supposed to do with many funny moments thrown in. then she cam along and i felt like the third wheel!!

oh no!!!

and it wasnt as pricey as i thought it was gonna be! the lady so nice lah okay! i like!!

after that, went bk to eat dinner. then went home. took so long to get all the things done! only left parkway at abt 8 plus mind you!

i was in the bus frm tamp int home when i looked upwards for no particular reason. and the moon just happened to be so pretty!! did you guys see?! it was so lovely man. simple joys in life, yes? :)

and since singapore here doesnt seem to have as many stars as i'd have liked, i shall just be contented with the pretty moon tonight!

at a closer look (as in staring at the moon for a longer time), i realise that it's not a full moon i initially thought it was! it was a gibus!! see! i remember what miss tong taught us! (my p3-p4 form tcher). my memory is amazing! *bah. kidding who again?*

anyway, that's all i have to say for now. goodnight ladies. (yes, referring to both sexes here.)

PS: faizah's CHIEF!! and do bear with my erm. faulty blog for the time being okay? thanks.

have you ever realised how peaceful the courtyard is when the national anthem is playing during morning assembly?

i kindda like it. you get some peace to reflect and you can actually process your thoughts in a proper fashion while the school supposedly "sings".

when you finally get a hold of yourself, the anthem stops playing and it's time to take the pledge.
and then when the school songs starts to play, "you go wtf?!" cos then you realised you still feeL all those strong emotions.

cos you hate the opposite ends of it all.

the school song's so cheerful, all about "loyalty" and stuff. i seriously felt like taking off my shoe and throwing at the damn speakers!

god.what frustrating crap.

***

today, came to school. first thing that kept going on in my mind was "what the hell happened?" turns out, it was a follow up of yesterday. :(

i hate to feel so many emotions at one go. it's too complicating. wouldnt life be easier if we can only feel one emotion at a time? why does it have to get so complex.

on the other hand, if we are immune to immense feelings of shit, we wouldnt be able to feel such intense feelings about happiness and what nots yes?

*sigh*

obviously i have plenty more to say. LOTS more. but you know what?

i shall just write in on a piece of paper later at home and then burn it.

it'll be a nice sensation to BURN it all away. as usher would put it "gotta let it burn"..

oh and thanks su. felt really comforted just now. :)



maybe shame will help change everything? will it? will it really?

hello to all my loyal readers! (if any, that is)

today was pretty much like a rollercoaster ride....


with an extremely boring start. and only the scream-worthy parts toward the end.

very much like what we did for lit today? ;D plotting of emotions...

anyway, today had abt three free periods! wow. so relaxing.. i like..

mr goh missed his first period with us today. :(

then mrs loy didnt come!! *all jump for joy!* and mrs serene ng didnt really came in for eng?

so yes. today was pleasant in terms of school hours.

so, it was during ss/geog lesson and dirah, naz and i were just talking. and we somehow ended up talking about cedarians in general and how other people frm other schs/public look at us.

and we concluded that most of the cedarians we know of are extremely materialistic, somewhat shallow, rather snobbish and erm. quite arrogant? (selves included) =x

as in generally. of course there definitely are god-sent cedarians.

and then, we came to talk/reflect about ourselves (not in a "it's-all-abt-me-the-world-revolves-ard-me kindda way). annnndddd...

it finally dawned upon us that we're actually rather ugly people inside. :(

OH MY GOD.

but you know what, at least we realised it right? and well, hopefully do something to better ourselves? hope so.

for starters, i know i'm overbearing and high-strung at times. (yes lock, diana, yinwai, liane you can stop smirking now). and i tend to have a lot of "kristy/christy/christie/kristie" moments. *sigh*

and yes, i do tend to get a tad too superficial/critical/materialistic and well i think i hurt a lot of people with my words? so now, i shall try to spot myself when in these moments/thoughts for a start. and.. yeah. "process my thoughts" before they spill out of my mouth, with no way of taking them back.

anyway, jogging today was funny. our whole class jogged in our sch u cos well, we were supposed to have extra amaths lesson with mr suresh. of course we happily thought we cld miss jogging. hmm. apparently not.

you see, fairplay as well as the importance of "lowering the percentage of overweight people" in our school comes way before understanding amaths.

interesting.


so after sch had emaths common test! and you know what? you know what? you know what? *gleeful*

i finally saw that single white lining of hope in that ever-dark gloomy sky! finally there's a possibility that i may pass this test!! and finally i'm rejoicing after a maths test! omg!! the last time i felt this hopeful/elated after a maths test was like what? eons ago!! yay.

not hoping for nothing more of a pass though. baby steps, alright?

i like THK!! he's nice to our class okay. i shall pay more attention during his lessons fron now on. (oh. who am i kidding!! me, jazzy and clara will probably end up yakking away!)

after that, went to artroom to bother clara and tricia! whoa. their paintings are NICE!! :)

then we had a delphinus discussion.

it opened my eyes wide man. finally saw the whole, big picture. and yeah. i felt pretty dumb for not coming up to that conclusion on my own. am i that dense?!

guilt guilt guilt everywhere!! oh my. hope this will be the last time, yeah sqdmates? be positive. learn our mistakes. and yes, remember WorldWideWeb!!!

anybody happen to know what "http" stands for? is it "HelpToTellPeopleoftheworld" by any chance? lol.

so yes. we shall really give it our best this time!! yes! we will!! :))

and yup, that shall be all for tonight! america's next top model baybeh!! woohoo!! ;D

ps: if only we arent all that superficial/pretencious and big time gossipmongers. i think that would be really nice. but we shall try to step away from all that a step at a time okay? *huggs you all*

pps: there's always that small hope of a star and there's always a rainbow after the storm!! :)

hey there. read the papers just now. it was rather interesting.

you know the "reflect" section? i love those. it's like the print version of great blogs. and i really like this sumiko tan person.

you see, her column's about why singaporeans get a kick out of watching high profile cases. like the huang na case, for example. wanna find out more? just go read it okay? 80cents only.

anyway, her column struck me. apparently, it's due to "voyeurism". which basically means us being busybodies and wanting to know more about a person's life, especially if he/she has one that's very spicy, juicy and well, gory suppose.

hmm. true, yes?

and that's why a lot of people are fans of CSI.

oh and apparently, researches belive that people who are likely to do bad deeds finds it a "need to dominate and a propensity to be very impulsive".

shit.

and yes, in case you were wondering, i do have the paper right by my side.

ANYWAY, back to the topic. she concluded that we find killings so fascinating as most killings are the result of "spur-of-the-moment crimes of passion, when uncontrollable rage is whipped up in otherwise "normal" people.

hmm.

oh. and also because "not only could we be the victim of a killing - we could be guilty of one too".

freakeh yeah?

oh yes. there was also this article about this japanese dude who gets a sexual thrill watching people die. my god! that's far worse than being a sado masochist!

gross, i know. go read it http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/free/story/0,6418,334473,00.html?">here

whats even creepier (does that word exist?), is the fact that he's a graduate from a private university. but well, there have been an increase of cases where the guilty ones are actually graduates. like that blog incident, remember?

so yes. today my post is basically about the sunday times which i find very intriguing (with or without the 'e'?). oh and since we're on the topic of the papers, anyone read yesterday's new paper?

HAHA. hilarious. sex toys fancied by professionals and fake viagras at desker road.

oh, and if you happen to wanna buy a pack of four viagra pills, (although i have no idea why you're reading my blog in the first place) remember, make sure it's a light shade of blue and it has to cost at least abt 70+ bucks. four pills for thirty? eh, uncle, fake lah! wait cannot work how?

and now i shall go get ready for tuition. *sigh*

okay. i dont like how i sound in the previous entry. another side of me i suppose.

anyway, MY BLOG IS SCREWED!

omf. i really do not know what telah happen. okay. maybe i do? =x faizah's gonna kill me.

see, all i did was add some links for "good reads" then i pressed something by accident and then.

POOF!

some parts in the "template" thingy went MIA. i thought it would be okay if i didnt click "save" and once i open a new window it would all be fine and dandy.

but well, shit happens, yes? and this is just one of them. hrmph.

also, i'm starting to realise that history really does repeat itself. seriously. it's pretty freaky actually. how everything is one huge cycle, what with karma and all.

i mean it's the sort of thing you hear people say, but it doesnt really get in your head. not really at least.

another thing, the art of immitation is a total compliment.

you visit A's blog, and then you go to B's blog. and then you go "eh? didnt i just read this before?"

so you conclude that B ripped it off A and you laugh it off. oh god. not again!


oh, and i was reading stranger's blogs this afternoon. and i happened to come across this WHOLE LIST of sex blogs.

being curious, wondering whether it's just an online version of romance novels, i browsed around.

HOLY SHIT.

the contents are seriously explicit. as they would put it "contains adult content".

they were so explicit, i felt rather turned on? hahah. whoops. i felt impure, dirty and grossed out after my period of "browsing around". so i switched off the com and decided to go bug the whole family to play scrabble!! (nothing like spending time with your family and feeling like a god-sent filial daughter to scrap off that feeling!)

so we played scrabble. it's been years since we last played that game! and shit. my brother's vocab is expanding like tara reid's rack!

From a flat to THAT.



so yes, that was fun. (as in playing scrabble. not her rack!) and my mum decided to cook lontong today. yes, the whole meal. being with the chilli prawn, the tahu/tempeh/paru goreng, fried chicken, etc.

it's like as though we were celebrating hari raya haji or something.

i mean there's definitely nothing to rejoice about at home.

okay, shall go read some stranger's blog now. and no! of cos not some sex blog!! ;D

see ya around.

i am in a crap shit mood. it sounds really angsty and all. but well, i'm really in a tangle of emotions right now.

suddenly everything's taking a toll on me?

like someone slicing up your skin piece by piece. bit by bit. to try to stop you from feeling all the pain at one shot. but eventually, still skinning you alive all the same.

it's like suddenly, all the insecurities/confusion/fucked up feelings comes crashing down. a huge wave swallowing me whole.

just like *snaps fingers* that.

i hate feeling this way. but well. it happens. (shall blame it on the ever haywire hormones raging full blast)

anyway, got back amaths test. i felt pretty numb at first. numb, being, emotionless cos i sure as hell am getting used to all this (aka bad results/ failing tests)

and then, my mind went overtime. started thinking of everything in my life. for some strange reason, i really dont know.

how stupid i've become.
how unaccomplished i am in my 2+years in cedar.
how i can block out all my feelings, pretending i never felt that way.
how i really am in self denial.
how i really really want something i can be proud of when i look back to my sec sch days.
how fucked up ___________(to those few who know what i'm thinking abt. i'm really at a loss. i dont know what to think.)
how if ever, hopefully never cos suicide's really lame, i really do want to die, i dont really have anyone i can turn to.
how pathetic the term "friendship" is when nothing really is 100% honest. for me at least.
how i didnt have anyone i can ring up at 2 in the morn in tears when i first found out everything. how lonely i feel all of a sudden cos no one seems to care anymore.
how i'm like this empty soul roaming ard in the world cos. well, a lot of things.
how i hope i wont be a shit nco. cos that would really suck too.
how i need to start pulling up my socks in my studies.
how self centered i am.
how heartless i can get.
how mean i can be.
how badly i want to leave cedar and start everything a fresh.
how i really cant bear to leave cedar all at the same.
how much i badly want to be all that when i grow up.
how i want my dreams to come true.
how i'll feel when i'm really in love someday.
how nice it'd be to be in that state of euphoria right now.
how much regrets i have abt everything.
how lame it is to live life with regrets.
how i need to break free off everything once in a while.
how emotionally weak i am.
how i can fool everyone so well.
how dumb it is to build a wall so up high only to realise you've trapped yourself in with no way out.
how badly i want it all out, but this superficial side of me just screams "no! no! no!"

just how screwed a lot of things are. HAH. and that seems to be an awful lot in my case.

but then i remember the numbered conversations we have. and i feel better all over again. it seems like nothing to you, just talking shit or whatever. but it really means a lot to me. cos i think that's the only truth left in everything i know? i think. i KNOW.

at this point in time, i'm holding on to all that. that's all i've got left i suppose. shit, it really sucks. but it may just happen. any time now.

i dont wanna hear it.
pls, god. dont let that be so. please, please, please.

hey there. hmm. so while i'm here at my lovely, cozy home, 3c's still stuck in sch! muahahaha.. the continuation for the dunn&dunn workshop. oh, which cost us SEVENTY FIVE FRIGGIN BUCKS btw. i'm going the next tue/thurs!! HAH.

today was an ordinary day. bio paper after sch was so crap. we almost didnt have to take the test today! but well. fat hope.

anyway, if i dont fail, i swear i'll stop complaining abt my boob size. really. i'm so damn serious. so yes. it's really fated that i'll fail. :(

just like how it was fated that the 6 ju reunion turned out to be a success!! :)) with the exception of some dearly missed ppl whose absence was felt! (fatmah! shez! najib! kenghoe! and then some others!)

ok, i just got back frm watson (toiletry shopping) and there was this watson hand moisturiser cream. i tried it. and i hate it. it smells gd. but the kindda smell that reeks "cheap freak". as in lousy cheap. and it's uncomfortable typing! ugh.

ANYWAY. yesterday started off with aniszah calling me up when i was still asleep. jeez.

so she came over first. crapped for a while. then set off to meet mariam at bedok int. then the 3 of us went to eat at ljs first. it was fun. catching up with old friends after so long. :))

we then proceeded to take 608 to east coast! yay! continued chatting and snapped shots in the bus too!

oh. and yes. you see, i ran out of my trusty deodarant, (hence the necessary shopping today) so i was just using the spray one. i brought a can. (is it so wrong to feel insecure?)

sooo.. i was feeling just that teeny weeny bit insecure in the bus and well, the bus was almost empty! so i sprayed. and mariam here, thought it was funny and asked me to pose while spraying! ohdeargod.

but being, the sporting girl tha i am, i relented.

when we arrived, we went in search of mud and the guys at macs. we feared the turn up would be pretty sucky (like how our other failed reunions ended up). i just saw keith's head floating across the macs window sign thingy.

BUT. when we went up to them, practically ALL the guys were there lah! so pro! clara (LOH) is such a great organizer! and yes, i do realise i know a lot of claras. hahah.

wow. the turn out was darn fantabulous i tell you! was so happy. couldnt stop grinning. so the whole troop of us, went to the bowling alley to meet clara, ai lin and *drum roll pls* CARMEN CHAN!

so we met up with the lovely ladies. but carmen chan was nowhere to be found!! apparently, samrina stole her away! (oh, and in case you were wondering why we call her carmen chan, it's cause our class had two carmens. so yeah. the surname got glued stuck.)

oh! and carmen chan's accent is pretty thick!

for a while, we just stood. okay fine. the guys EXCEPT joshua stood. they were gentlemanly *cough cough* enough to let us have the seats. so we just sat/stood there staring at clara and ai lin waiting for them to complete their last three frames.

it was kindda boring at first, i suppose. but it was also cos the bowling alley is not exactly a great place to start catching up! cos then you'd have to yell to be heard unless the person you're talking to is like, right beside you or something.

so it was only after we got out of the bowling alley did it feel much better. but the guys were erm.. shy?? hahah. how funny. cos they were only talking among themselves.

while the guys plus mariam went to rent bikes, the remaining girls, set at the pit area and started chatting. (and yes, like what clara(lock) said, "basically when girls sit and chat, they're gossiping") so that's exactly what we did. hahah..

then the rest came. and the boys (plus mar) came back. oh, joanne came with her dear shermon or however you spell it. hiyoh. *shakes head*

darius was supposed to come. but he backed out in the end? we tried to trick him into coming in a cab asap. (which we'll pay for, then later made alvan promise to pay for it) but well, all our efforts were in vain!

so the boys played soccer, while us girls, tried to start the fire.

hmm. what a classic barbecue nightmare. starting the fire was so shit man.

oh! and you know the charcoals are so freaking cute! they're called.. *pauses to think* birquettes!! um. not too sure abt the spelling part.

joshua was so freaking amused by it! hahah. not that the rest of us wasnt lah.

so yes, we had a lot of trouble lighting the fire. and i got my shirt dirty!! shdnt have worn white!

anyway, joanne has evolved into a bimbo! omg. she kept whining "but i wanna tannnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!" and even brought tanning oil! o.O hahah.. a smart bimbo though. trip science at AHS!! not bad eh for a bimbo? =p

and stupid mar, diane and jo kept on bullying me! darn it. i mean hello! i was feeling happy and all, so i kept on missing out on words of phrases. like "it takes two hands to clap" and i'd say "it takes two to clap" altho inside my head i was thinking the right one! REALLY!

idiots, i swear.

but i still love you guys!

anyway, after many attempts by like, almost all of us, we saw fire! woohoo! hahah. everyone was so damn relieved.

while bbq-ing, we also exchanged jokes with each other. racist/sick/lame/funny jokes. that was great man. highly entertaining and a great ice breaker! cos by then, the guys are much less terse. sry! i meant tense. =p so they warmed up already i guess.

i really didnt know nicholas was so funny! i mean.. anyway, did you know that vs guys are so lame and free they make up lame jokes??

but some of them are really good. oh and nicholas thought he saw his "hot chem teacher" with some guy there. aww. poor thing. lol.

anyhoo, there was too much food!! oh my! we had so much left overs. but there were seriously good food. we had sting ray! tofu for the vegetarians! chicken wings! fishballs! hotdogs! shrimp, i think! satay! fried rice! and plenty more lah.

just too bad we make rather horrid bbq-ers!! sad sad. we actually undercooked a lot of stuff! omg.

and there diane was going "eh, cool! tmr i'll have diarrhoea! you think can go home bcos of that?"
oh and this miss-smarty-pants-now-in-vj, actually broke one of the portable chair legs!! okay, it's um, this super cool foldable table and bench. i cant really describe it. so forget it.

now i shall comment on the them! HAH. my own personal space for a not-so-full-on bitch session!

joshua: still has the pimples!!! oh and how's _____?! the pretty mixed babe? hahah.. ;D (i'm mean rmb?)
alvan: beng! oh my god. you 100% beng, i dont like!!
chester: WAH! somebody has muscles! how damn unbelievable! ( we were like poking it to check if it's for real.. lol)
diane: cheeks still as red as ever! lost weight, yea? *jealous*
samrina: hmm.. same laughter still!! and is it just me, or are your curls more defined now?? :) oh and starbucks boo!! Coffee bean yeah!! ^5!
clara: still as i-cant-be-bothered as ever. but smiling more!! yay!
joanne: seriously, girl. did you attend some bimbo crash course?? hahah.. oh you pretty boy hogger!! ;D
mariam: still the same ol' bitch. what a cow. :P
carmen: AHH! you're carmen "chenn" now huh? and it's "like" yeah..

i think i have some more to say. but i cant seem to rmb them! oh dear god. my memory's so damn poor now and i'm only FIFTEEN. okay fine. 14 PLUS.

hmm. anyway, basically, yesterday was really really great and i'd never ever trade it for a day of "bio study time". never. and yes, i am fully aware that my priorities are rather screwed. hahah.

oh and speaking of joshua's pimples, i really think my pimple is having a growth spurt. it's GROWING like no shit!!! ahhhhh!!! omf. this cannot happen! *faints*

i know that sounds bimbotic. but blame joanne loh wenqi!!! i'm telling you, she is one influential girl. diane started screaming/shrieking like a fucking bimbo within an hour of catching up with miss-i'm-a-smart-bimbo-now!!

WHOA!

i know. freaky, yeah? hahah..

ok, so it was all very cool. oh and did you know that somewhere in the middle of the bbq, we decided that it really wasnt worth it to slave about, trying to keep the fire "alive"?

so, you know what we did?!

we burnt paper plates to create a big enough fire to barbecue our food!!

yes yes, i know. we're the ultimate bums. hahah. fun okay! the fire grew humongous! and we caught a lot of people's attention!! like those from other pits and stuff. haha. AA only!

the roasted marshmallows were yums! altho there were a number of black ones!

and lame-asses mud and keith were totally playing with fire! as in burning, plates, cups, forks DRIED COCONUT LEAVES and what not. hilarious man.

(i think i have lots more to say. but typically, my mind suddenly blanked out. shall randomly talk abt yesterday tmr or sth okay?)

overall it was definitely a great day. and you know what, i think from now on, i shall only inform you readers before hand when my entry's short. cos it seems to me, that all my entries are super duper damn long. so yepp.

oh, and we took tons of pics!!!! courtesy of marr and mudd. (hahah. the two kembangan Ms!) shall post it as soon as i get it from them! mariam's apparently doing some "important thing" that itsnt worth my bugging her to quickly upload it.

***

so anway, i really officially hate mr chan. or is it choo?? omg. i cant seem to rmb!! it's choo right? no. it's chan. just confirmed it with diana, when i tyko-ed (how do you spell that?) with "chan" when chatting with her just now.

chan sucks. i'm so serious.

he held our class back, in the middle of jogging at the tennis courts there. we all know he's expecting one of us to cry for him.

but oh shit no. we're never gonna give him that satisfaction. sucker shit. i bet his dick is so damn small it's as puny as my little finger. and it's a sure-fire thing to assume that he has yet to be unvirginised by a fugly ho. HAH!

ANYWAY i'm currently conferencing with jib and mud now. :DD

i just realised that this is the longest time i've ever taken to blog! omf! like a few thousand hours!! lots of distractions. what to do? i'm wanted everywhere!! haha. okay, that was so ego of me. =x

oh yes, read xiaxue's blog just now. and there's this particular http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2005/08/of-luxurious-things-and-old-school.html">fucking funny entry!"

(lock taught me how to do the cool link thing, but i forgot. yes. i know. i'm a com dummy.)
anyway, enjoy! and nighty nights!

ps: i fucking hate internal squad conflicts.
pps: i love you guys for being there for me. everything's greatly appreciated. glad i could count on you guys! :))

firstly, how did they know?! i thought it wasnt formally announced yet? and fuck la. i hope they're not THAT disappointed tt it wasnt who they wanted. =x

anyways, went out with siti, j and her irritating "friend". jeez. so weird!

so met siti at kem first then we made our way to marina bay. cos we were supposed to go catch the marina bay celebrations. but somehow, something cocked up the whole plan. why ah j?

anway, inside the mrt right, there was this old couple who came in at aljunied, i think. so then the old guy, was like "excuse me, make way, thank you" to me in this really arrogant i'm-better-than-you tone. and of course i rewarded him with a FULL round of eye roll.

whats so hard abt trying to soften your tone so maybe, just MAYBE, the public would understand and be more willing to make way for you, for example. SHEESH.

then, the old guy was like "excuse me, can i have your seat? PLEASE. thank you very much" in that same i'm-more-superior-than-you tone.

man, i could have kicked him in the dick. hard. but of course, seeing him all old yet trying to act big, powerful and for some reason superior, made him appear pathetic. and i dont do pathetic people.

oh and did i mention that he even demanded for TWO seats. for his wife. yes, it's sweet, and yes old people deserve the seats more then young and very much capable people. but what's up with your tone dude?!

it was obvious the woman wasnt pleased with his tone, but just got up anyway.

apparently, this old man is really really frank. so he went all "i said thank you. xie xie ni." the woman didnt reply, just gave an irritated look.

then he went "do you speak english? i said THANK YOU. you know? xie xie ni." in this really sarcastic tone.

his wife was pissed so she was like nudging him and whispering to him that he was being really rude and insulting. this old fella is really stubborn and he was like "but i'm not insulting anybody! i just said thank you!" etc etc. god, he was really annoying the shit out of me.

so after he "settled" down, he looked me and siti up and down, cos we were standing right in front of him.then he whispered oh-so-LOUDLY "she's wearing a sash, yes? why do girls these days...".

he was commenting about MY DAMN SASH.

shit man, it doesnt even concern him! so you have lots to say abt it? well at least make it SOFT or when I'M GONE or something.

fuck i tell you. this guy hasnt an OUNCE of courtesy in him. frm what i can infer, you werent really brought up all that proper huh?

boo hoo. how sad.

so then for some warped reason, this guy brought back topic abt that woman not accepting his sincere thanks. and you know what. the woman was standing right there.

then this young girl spoke up.

old guy: but i said thank you!! i dont think she understands english. (to wifey)

girl: you know, maybe she REALLY doesnt understand english. MANY people dont know english, you know.

old guy: is that so? i see. how old are you?

girl: i'm SEVEN this year. and you know, actually there are really A LOT of people who cant speak english you know.

i'm telling you, i was really restraining myself frm running over to that kid and hugging her! MY HERO! now that's what i call spunky!

that guy was obviously pretty stunned to have a SEVEN YR OLD put him in his place! karma mister. karma.

and you shld have seen the way the girl spoke. it was clear she was irritated by that old man. and her tone! my! she's got balls man. i mean, if she were a guy.

so anyway, since we wont be going to marina bay, me and siti decided to just go esplanade cos we heard there's sth going on there. being the bums we are, we decided to eat at suntec to skip the travelling bit.

ate at suntec's bk. and it was so nice and peaceful! cos you see, ppl go to suntec to eat at some fancy-assed place. and not fast food. so all the fastfood restaurants are pretty empty and actually rather cozy!

after eating, j and her "friend" left. so me and siti walked to esplanade.

it was bangla mania!!

wtf they're doing at the esplanade, i have no friggin idea. but it wasnt pleasant i tell you. you have to pretend you didnt see them stare at you crudely and absolutely no-no eye contact. so you cant let your eyes wander ard. ugh.

i'm not trying to be mean, or anything. but ladies!! do you really like the way these ppl look at you?! now that's just plain rude.

it's like they've never seen the opposite sex before in their life. it's sad, really. but on the other hand, it's so freaking GROSS to us females. they give the "i wanna throw you on the bed and do it right now" look. it seriously grosses me out, like no other. eww.

seriously. i'd rather the crowds from hip hop fest and baybeats COMBINED. yeah, the banglas were that bad.

so ANYWAY we caught this band, "peepshow" at the ChillOut stage. and i think they're really good. so it's no surprise really that they're the winner of YouthAlive. the singer's voice is SO SEXY! ohmygodd. *fans herself* and the way the drummer plays! ohmygodd times two!! it's like hot enough to turn you on can!! *melts* xP

peepshow dudes.

mr sexy voice! his name's zaki btw.

this is their drummer. and he is good. very cool. oh and this guy's edmund.

so yeah. after they played the first round, we walked ard a bit. then at the other stage, there was gonna be choirs as well as this percussion thingy later on. so we decided to go to mrs fields before watching peepshow a second time.

mrs fields, had the 3 items for 6 bucks thing. double and triple fudge! omg. this is bad. like really bad. :(

but it was amazingly good at the same time! :)

so after that, when we went back to catch peepshow again, we realise it wasnt as bangla fever as before! *all jump for joy!*

but well, my wishes pretty much came true. freaks from all over started pouring in. but in the end, there was a good mix of normal and abnormal people. so yeah.

ohohoh!! i saw one of the macbeth witches there!! hahahah.. then i kept going on and on abt how we just saw the macbeth witch. hah. i was rathere insane to be hyped abt that. lol.

watched them play a second time. after them was this supposed "diva" according to the host. but she was just okay lah.

then after that was this dance grp! this is really very rare, but the guys in the grp dance better than the girls!! hahahah. their steps are really creative and stuff. enjoyed it much. although there is this girl that naturally cant dance well. if you get what i mean..

so anyways, the host mentioned that there will be this hip hop thing at 9. but you know what, we both decided to play angel and go home early.

OH and we'll be on our "get lost" trip this weekend!! yay!! so fun. that's it for now folks. DO TAG.

ps: i cant wait for tmr! 6 ju '02 reunion!! fun fun fun!! x)