you used to be my best friend,
the best two could ever be.
before you began your assuming trend
which blinded you everything you used to see.
my side of the story, you dont care
at least not anymore
you say that now i dare
dare to screw up more than i score.
you dont let me even explain,
hear what i have to say
"no i dont wanna hear it!" you exclaim
you just want it all your way.
i tell you anything and everything
or at least i used to.
about sister's so stupid a fling
and what else she tends to do.
the gossips and how NP can suck
or how it can get too cool.
but now, what the fuck
it doesnt matter anymore
like how it all used to.
i used to tell you who's bitchy, who's not
how draining school can be
i used to tell you what kinda guys i call hot
and "would these earrings suit me?"
we used to talk about everything
hell, i even asked you abt sex and all
you advise how to pick up whenever i do fall.
we'd discuss moral values
and how corrupted the world has become.
she'll tell me about her childhood
then we'd compare now and then.
she'll tell me how naughty my aunts were
how and why they did it, i couldnt comprehend.
she'll tell me about her hopes and dreams
of which she didnt achieve.
how she was hospitalised because of that one slip.
fuck, it wasnt even her fault!
what it cost her, she couldnt believe
she wanted to be a nurse, to care and to aid
but all that was gone cos her 'rents didnt know shit
also cos the medical bills wore them thin.
so now she puts her hopes on me,
begging me not to give up
pushing me, cheering me on.
i'd try and fail, oh cant you just see?
i'm hopeless and full of doubt.
we'd talk about the malay society
how low it has come to stoop.
she'd tell me to study really really hard
so one day, i may just change all that.
we'd talk about problems young people face
"sex, drinking, abortions"
to name a few in that haze.
she'd curse the asshole who left me stranded
so lost, confused and ashamed i was
"the goodfornothing bastard!"
we'd talk about the future
how bright it seems to be.
i'd get a huge house for us all
the brat, you, pa and i
how brat's wife must be kind
my husband hot and smart
one huge happy family was indeed what we had in mind
but i guess all that's changed now
you seem so old and wise
you claim my heart's as hard as a rock
but did you search deep inside?
you say i dont care about my brother
who knows? maybe i really dont.
you claim to know me inside out.
somehow, i fear you dont.
you seem different.
or maybe it's just me.
going through that phase in life,
angst soaring high is just the way to be.
maybe we just drifted off
cos you dont wish to try,
to try to know me once again
and find out why i tend to cry.
right now behind that door,
i'm crying, screaming out
"mama, pls try to listen! and not just hear
what i'm all about!!"
you slam the door tight shut
claiming that i've changed.
open your heart,
to see once more the daughter you have raised.
my heart cries out for you,
the way things used to be.
i guess this is what they call growing up
i detest it, can't you see?!
you say i dont care about your feelings,
my words hit you strong and hard.
i'm sorry, i wasn't thinking
didn't know words could throw us apart.
i know we'll work it out one fine day
all we need is some time.
but how can i just float away
when it feels like i've commited a crime?