Red Hot Passion
28 October 2005

Rachel is silly. That's for sure. We managed to solve or dilemma last night! YAY. At least that's something. Better than nothing. (:

I had a very weird dream last night. Not too sure whether it beats the weird one about the Olevel Lit paper. But I think it came close to! It's very.........weird.

Anyways, ytd I had to bring home that stupid antique phone which I left in school for let's see... 3 months?! Plus my Kamus Dewan which isn't exactly light or anything. Took a cab home cos I was just too drained!

Damn driver. You know it all added up to $13.60!!


WTF man. I had to bang around in the cab and huff and puff and make fake phone calls to let him know that I'm pissed.

Fake phone call no. 1:
"Hello ma?"
"Today what time is break fast?"
"REALLY!?!? So early!?! I can't make it lah ma. In the cab now. But I got an old driver."
"NO! I don't have any food or drinks with me cos I thought I could make it!"
"It's okay. I can just starve for an hour more. *sarcasm*"

After banging around some more and straining my neck to check out the metre and muttering "TSK. oh my god. *rolls eyes* unbelievable!" soft enough to make it seem as though I'm talking to myself but loud enough to for him to hear....

Fake phone call no. 2:
"Eh yeah. Can I ask you something."
"Do all taxi drivers think school girls are SO stupid to not know how to lead the way to HER OWN HOUSE and then fake stupid turns going around and around and then saying you sure you wanna go by PIE? cos DUH it's the shortest route?!?!?!"
"Oh nothing. I was just wondering. Cos I'm starting to think so."
"Huh? No lah. I hope he's not that dumb to take it that I'm that dumb."
"Okay bye. "


I swear I almost went "Okay drop me off here. I'll take another cab". Only to realise that I'm now in the middle of this fucking awesome jam I tell you! Fun!

Sigh. Taxi drivers these days. I think I know what they're problem is. Lesser people take taxis cos they have cars and the number of taxis are increasing! So they have to resort to buaya tactics to get the money they should be getting if all was normal. Right?

That aside. Do you know if the Love Actually Star Movies show censors the porn stars part? I mean since the cinemas in Singapore did that and all...

Okay then. Let's find out! See yah.

11:50 AM

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26 October 2005

*takes a deep deep deep deeeeep breath*

Wow. Amazing day, I swear. I'm not quite sure if I'm being sarcastic or not. I guess the answer's yes and no. Argh. Go figure.

It's not easy. It's not. I'm telling you, it's NOT. It's so not.


It's hard sometimes, to restrain yourself. In actual fact you'd like to do so many unreasonable, illogical things at that very moment. But then you think this mere form of satisfaction won't last and the aftermath is not worth it. At all.

So you think, Nope. Nah uh. Not gonna let that happen. Doesn't make any sense.

Then things fuck up. And you start wondering yet again.

A vicious cycle indeed. Am getting so sick of it.

But I hear me telling myself Nope. Nah uh. Not gonna let it happen. Doesn't make any sense yet again.

On a positive note, it's over! the freaking suspense and worry. WEEHAH! It won't happen after all! Omg. Talk about joy when I first heard the news man. I'm still rather smiley and pleased about how things went it terms of that. At least it's still intact.

At the very least.

[edit] I apologize for this entry cos I know half of it doesn't make any sense at all. But you know. Some things are just meant not to. Make any sense that is. (:

9:14 PM

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25 October 2005

Do you wonder sometimes what happens when you run out of chances to screw up? Like really run out. Zip. Zilch. Zero. No more chances to redeem yourself. It's over and done with. Gone with the wind.

Okay, whatever. In a very ponder-ish mode. Don't bother.

Anyway, do you think fostering a close and good relationship between your parents are necessary to "survive" this thing called life? Does it really affect how you view and do things? I mean, it definitely affects you to some extent, but how much?

How about relationships? How young is too young? They always claim don't venture into that area, that teenage romances hardly ever do work out... but I know people who have. Though I gotta admit it's not as though they're marriage is a perfect. Oh wait. I forgot. What kind of marriage is perfect? Adultery is practically the norm in this time and space.

And racism? Do you agree with that age old argument that everyone is racist in one way or another and it's something that cannot be denied? When do you cross the line of being a "normal racist" and an "abnormal racist"? Who's to judge what?

Aw man. This is what happens when I have too much time to kill. HBO can only provide that many good movies. I'm into chick flicks and action movies now! Weehah! Polar opposites, sort of, but that's okay! Shows I'm versatile eh? (:

AH! My lovely Drew Barrymore coming on soon! Ciao babes!

10:32 PM

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24 October 2005

I have never felt like such a bum.

I am soooooo darn bored. I'm running out of things to occupy myself with. I mean, things that aren't too much of a hassle. Basically, things to do at home cos I don't even have the energy to head on out to entertain myself.

These post-exam days have been nothing but a waste of time. I mean, I've never watched so much TV at one shot before and I'm starting to find using the computer a tad too boring. Okay. I shall shut it about boredom already.

Let's see. What have I got to say. Oh oh oh!! This is really important not to mention hilarious! I don't mean to poke fun at the disabled. Just to show how dumb it is to have blogwars and whatever wars online. Ugh.

10:18 PM

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23 October 2005

Friday sure did beat the crap out of me. A trying period, it was. But I witnessed some things which show promise. A lot of promise. So let's just leave it at that. Oh yeah. And I thought it was rather cool to break my fast in the bus with a bottle of H2O and a can of Minute Maid lemonade. Thirst quenchers are all I need, really.

Anyway, today, had a mass kuih raye baking session! Okay, so maybe it wasn't really mass mass, since it's only me, mum, brat and my aunt. It was very productive and fun and tempting. We managed to bake three different types (chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal quacker cookies and pineapple tarts!) and like about 200+each? Not bad right?

I pretty much baked everything man. As in the putting this ingredient, that ingredient, stir this, mix that, weigh this, cut that kind. Of course I left the suckiest parts (rolling, cutting out the shapes, checking the damn oven to see whether it's overbaked) for the other 3 to do. (:

I was really satisfied with regards to how everything turned out. I can totally venture out into this area career wise! But no. I've made up my mind already. (: Just a matter of whether things will go as planned. And that's where my deepest fear lies. Sigh.

Anyways, SMRT cabs suck big time. Apparently, their drivers can get lost despite having that GPRS auto map thingy. How incredible. Booking one itself took so much trouble! God. *rolls eyes* You'd think I was asking for some helicopter to fly me around like some big shot or something.

I'm rather disturbed by a couple of things of late. These stuff just refuse to get out of my head. It's freaking me out like no shit. I'm really praying that things won't get fucked up. At least not without a fight which I'm definitely gonna give my all. He can't just do that. He just can't!

I won't ever forgive myself should it happen.

12:25 AM

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20 October 2005

So today's the big day! (:

I stayed up till 12 last night to wish myself a "Happy Birthday". Hahah.

Anyway, I think my 15th has been a pretty great one. Nothing big and fancy "with all that jazz", but it was nice and comfortable enough.

Thanks for all the well wishes! I think I got some pretty awesome presents this year. I don't know what I did to deserve all this. :D So yeah. I guess you guys deserve some recognition! Haha.

Clara (Lee) gave me the Be Delicious fragrance by DKNY. She's mad, she's psycho, she's crazy, she's NUTS. I was like in shock man. I mean, I don't think anybody would expect that right? She's trying to outdo the pair of earrings from TianPo I bought for her for her 15th. Sigh. Sorry girl, no such fancy schmancy gift for ya next year! I'm gonna be broke!

Naz and Dirah gave me this make up set that I myself was about to buy! Wow. Talk about coincidence. Very handy! Haha. They did this lame attempt and said that they bought me the BeeGees Greatest Hits or something like that. And I bought it. But seriously, I wouldnt mind! Silly gullible me.

Clara (Lock) and Yingwai gave me this funky chunky red bracelet along with this cretter (a weird thing that lies somewhere between a card and a letter). I think I'll buy a red baju raye so I'll get to wear the bracelet!

Huiyun and Lilin gave me this grapeseed shower gel from The Body Shop. It was intersting cos I doubt that many people get soap (no, not talking about soap sculpture or whatever) for their birthday!

Oh and thanks Mud for that SMS at 1+ (I bet you wanted to do that classic wish-at-12am but overslept!) And thanks Najib! I thought I saw your number as a "missed call" at abt 6+ this morning, but I found it weird so I take it as my eyes seeing things. Haha. Sorry! Anyway, thanks for that insult/compliment! :D

My brother gave me this $8.30 necklace (which really is a lot a lot a lot for him cos he's only NINE). It's slightly tarnished, but I'm touched. His own savings y'know! So sweet.

My parents gave me 200 bucks cos they didnt wanna get me something I wouldn't like. But it's okay. The extra cash is lovely! But I'm gonna spend it wisely okay! Really.

Oh! And a Kieffy! Thanks for waking me up by swishing your lovely fat fluffy tail at my face this morning, hence interrupting the blissful dream I was having! Heh. I take that as you wishing me a Happy Birthday? (: I LOVE YOU KIEFFY! (although she wont ever read this but nvm!)

So yep..


Oh yeah. And thanks to those who claim they've already bought me my gift just that they didin't bring it. Heh. Dont worry lah.

It wasn't such a big deal. We just had a mini family party at home. Had Swensons cake PLUS two tubs of Swensons ice cream! Sticky Chewy Chocolate is just pure heaven. Sigh. I think the Swensons ice cream cake has become some family tradition or something. We had it for my brother's 9th, my mum and dad's 49th and now my 15th! (: It's official now. It's our tradition! :D

So there we were feasting on the cake like famished vultures when suddenly there's a knock on our door. Guess who it was? My dear sister who went MIA for the past four months or so. I didn't quite know how to react. So I just put on a face and got to it already.

Sad to be hypocritical on your own birthday. But oh well. I did away with it soon after and that didnt end up too well. How nice.

She presented me with this fucking nice pair of Boho round toed shoes and a pair of prettyprettypretty dangly glam-ish earrings. Both in shades of goldish brownish.

A peace offering, I'll bet.

Can you imagine? God. *rolls eyes* She cant just go in and out of my life like that. It's just not right. I mean your absence for almost my entire lifetime till early this year, and then you go missing again for four months and then you suddenly came back cos "HEY! It's my sis' 15th!" !

It's not like I'm a freaking store you can open up and dump your crap every so often and then just leave it be to collect dust whenever you feel like it. I'm not a fucking dumpster for god's sake! Jeez! And then when you dump your shitty emo baggage crap on me for my "insight" as you say, and I simply say what I feel and so and so, you say I'm being cold and mean.

It's the truth.

I'm sorry to say this, but I think you can do better than that at 23!! It's like. ARGH. God. It's so frustrating sometimes! Okay. Whatever. MY birthday and I dont care if I'm being selfish but SCREW HER.

Too much drama.

The Karimy blood runs deep. (My paternal grandad) The temper, the impatience, that sprinkle of sarcastic hurtful remarks, the "lying look" as my mum says and the famous drama that just seems to follow us like a sick puppy. My mum says the Karimy genes are too strong. Oh well.

Anyway, enough for now yeah? I only have like what? 20 minutes more left of my birthday. Turing 15 is different. Like suddenly a whole shield is lifted and you see things differently.

Okay lah. I'm crapping. Ciao babes.

11:42 PM

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19 October 2005

Today's a good day. In more ways than one. Though I got back my Bio paper, but no. I'm not gonna think about that. Nothing's gonna screw up the day. Nothing. (:

We had so much time to kill after getting back the bio paper! Spent most of the time talking. 3c discussion group! Main topic - the importance of Beauty. No, we're not being superficial. Gah. Not gonna bother to prove my point. Too much hassle. (:

Malay period was crap. As usual. (: Me, Shez and Fatmah, for the most part just walked around school and stopped by AS2 once in a while to "check in". Haha. Had a great "deep" talk.

A summary : We're never gonna be ready for relationships. What our subconscious mind does is actually to analyse the facts without the emotions to fuck up the decision, which is what our conscious mind does. Go figure. (:

Oh, and I finally remembered to thank Cikgu Nurhani for actually passing me. Yeah, my Malay's that bad. I'm really grateful that she decided to pass the whole class. Thanks Cikgu! You know we love you! (Kissing ass, but nvm. It's true okay!)

Hmm.. What else..

We had that CCA talk at the MPH after two periods of Malay. Had campcraft after school, till about give or take, 5+. I hope it was helpful. I hope things will flow well. I hope things will improve. I hope for a lot of things. (:

Okay, I told my mum the results, again, but inclusive of Bio this time around. She was... too calm. She didn't go nuts. She didn't start on one of her endless lectures.

I disappointed her. As usual. Just that she doesnt want to show she's disappointed. I dont deserve such good treatment. But then again, knowing me, if i had those super freako-whacked strict parents sort, I'd probably just rebel and screw up my future altogether. Bad bad. Nah-uh. That wouldnt be good. So I guess I should be thankful?

Aw man. All this crap's confusing. *tugs at hair*

Anyway, here's something I doubt is as confusing! (:

Quite true, yeah? (: Oh damn. This entry's really full of smileys! But it's okay. We shall continue smiling cos tomorrow's WHAT DAY AH? :D

9:50 PM

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18 October 2005

Happy birthday Xiuqi! Hope you like that spiteful gift! :D Happy birthday day, in advance Mud! You'll be 12 in about half an hour! Omg. Did I actually type that? I mean you'll be 15 in about half an hour! And happy birthday me! Who'll finally turn 15 in about 24 hours and 30 minutes time. <3<3<3!!!


Got back most of the papers.

(You're supposed to read that in this very monotonous way)

The Maths results were expected. But I'm, so disappointed in the English and Literature papers. Sigh. I was counting on them to lift my spirits, knowing full well that they'll be "down in the dumps" after I get the other papers. They are afterall, "my only glory", as Diana says.

I think I've vented enough. Haha. Sorry you poor souls out there who took my shit! :D For being "even more grumpy than usual for Gruda" as quoted by 3c's very own walking dictionary! Stupid Lock. I can't seem to get past how well she did for Lit and Eng!

Life is so unfair!

(Okay, I know it's such an "immature" and overused phrase. But you know. I'm allowed to stoop to such a level sometimes! :D)

Sigh. I think I've had one too many bus rides already. Bus rides, means you're either plugging into some machine which allows you to listen to music, or reading a book, or sleeping or stoning, or staring at all the passengers aboard trying to pry into their minds to get a sneak peak at what they've been up to.

Unfortunately for me, I can mulit-task quite well (self-acclaimed) and so while doing either of those things, I'll still ponder about whatever it is that's on my mind. (Now, aren't I impressive?)

Today, obviously I dwelled on how badly I fared. Typically, I think I overanalysed it. Or something. Ugh.

What if this affects my morale in life, generally? Like what if I get so disheartened I refuse to work hard? What if I decided it's not worth my sweat cos the results end up the same anyway. What if it's a damn vicious cycle that never ceases? Like the poverty cycle? What if being "unsucessful" in life now, is simply a glimpse of the future?


I'm so in for it. Thanks Ma for being the rocking great mum that you are! You're too nice and understanding for a stupid, silly, cynical girl who'll just end up disappointing you over and over again. Like me. So for that, I'm forever sorry.

I just hope I won't just rest on my laurels after deciding that I need change! Slow and gradual, but change all the same. I need to start taking action! Yes I do! It's high time.

I need to do well for Bio. I need to. Cos I put in a lot of hard work, though at the very last minute. Oh well. We'll see.

Oh and I think I can honestly say that Karma has once again prevailed.

I need to learn to shut my trap whenever necessary. I need to learn that being impulsive, though it appears "bold and witty", has a rather long list of aftermath that I'd gladly do without.

But at least I made it clear that you can't push me around like some dumb kitty. (I decided to not use "puppy") I hate it sometimes when the BitchStreak gets restless. It's bad for the soul. Oh you bet it is.

What goes around comes around, what goes up must come down

Well said Alicia Keys. Well said.

11:47 PM

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17 October 2005

How about that? That's like so THE latest fashion trend! Let's all be skin and bones! Come on! Wtf are you waiting for?Join the fun! Let's all die of starvation so we'll look so incredibly hot. Yeah man. Bones rule. Oh and saggy skin rocks my socks too! Weeha!! I mean, who cares if it's dripping off me? I'm THIN yo. No one can beat me. I'm unbeatable. I rock.


Wow. Does that pic just make you wanna puke? Yuck. I bet she's wearing the smallest size for her shorts, and yet she has to fold it to keep it from slipping. What puzzles me most is how she can actually maintain the size of her boobs. Quite odd, don't you think? Being that skinny while maintaining a rather respectable rack size. Hmm. Queer indeed.

I have plenty more to say, but they basically revolve around the same point; SKIN & BONES = GROSS. Not sexy, not hot. But GROSS. Period.

11:11 PM

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Firstly, good morning. It's just perfect that tmr 3c has to stay back for some Bio thing. *rolls eyes*

Anyway, I so absofuckinglutely hate it when that bloody box makes me cry. It's so manipulative! Impossible!

But well, you know. Shows nowadays...they just hit all the soft spots. Watched Without A Trace just now. Teared like shit. It was so damn sad! It pulled all the right strings. Or maybe I'm just this idiot who just gets a tad too melodramatic for her own good. I keep thinking about the girl!

Wow. I just wrote, and deleted like 5 paragraphs about the story, in an attempt to summarize the whole thing. A pathetic attempt. A failure. It's sort of too complicated to explain so I shan't bother.

Anyway, I found this. And got the shock of my life.

Lo and behold ladies. That's the power of make-up. Talk about a miracle worker. Like they say, there are no ugly women in the world, just lazy ones. God she looks gorgeous after putting on make up! The difference is just.... baffling... *still stricken by the "magic"*

Now, would you STILL wanna go all au natural, when you can look so gorgeous? If you do, then you're either blessed with beauty OR you're in self denial. (:

And hey, before you start shooting me down, I'm not saying that beauty is everything. Just that, why give up the opportunity to look much more....presentable?

1:46 AM

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16 October 2005

Eh. I feel so STUPID. All this while I thought Sidney Sheldon was a she. Didn't know she was actually a he, til I decided to actually read the book cover properly. God. *rolls eyes* How dumb can I get. (No, don't bother answering that.)


So there I was squeezing a generous amount of conditioner onto my palm dancing about and singing stupid mellow songs even though you can't exactly hop about to One Sweet Day in the toilet. And then I hear my phone ringing. To hell lah dammit I'm enjoying my bath and no one's gonna ruin it for me! AND THEN! My brilliant mum picks it up. So yes. I had to take that call. Turns out, it was Lock who was asking me to choose...

"Hello Gruda. How come your mother answer your call?! I called you Gruda then she said "Huh?!".... Eh, so red or purple?...."

My birthday present lah. *blushes* Hah. (:

So from that conversation, I've come to three conclusions.
1) It's sort of official (though I never consented) that my new nickname is Gruda. Hurh.
2) I have a new favourite colour. RED. So hot. But I'm still pretty much in love with PURPLE. Hey! Like Carrie! (:
3) I really don't mind people interrupting my baths to ask me what colour I'd prefer for my gift. :D

Another thing. I really need to get a new pair of upstairs-downstairs slippers!

See, I had to buy some stuff for my mum at the Chinese Guy Shop at the market. It was raining elephants. AND I VERY NEARLY SLIPPED, EITHER FACE DOWN OR BUTT FIRST, which in NO way is graceful. Which leads me to another thing, I hate it when people actually look graceful when they do stupid things. *makes a face* UNFAIR.

So yes. My stupid pink-grey Fila slippers have zero friction. Sigh. But I had it since OAC, so not bad lah. If any of you monkeys know of any good and nice slipper sale (I got the Fila pair at five freaking bucks! Oh enough please. No more compliments. *winks), better tell me cos when I DO find out whatever great slipper sale I missed that YOU knew off, I'm gonna skin you alive!

Oh yeah. About that Chinese Guy Shop at the market. They play my kinda songs man. I walked in to a Martina McBride just now. So nice! (: And the second time (cos my DEAR mother forgot me to ask me to buy something else!), it was Shania Twain! Sigh sigh sigh....

I've been zonking out these past few days. Was like a freaking zombie, not quite knowing whether it was 12PM or AM.

So then on Thursday, I didn't sleep at all. I seriously didn't know time passed that quickly! I mean, first I was at the ever-so-deadly computer, then I was just listening to nice sappy songs while looking at my wardrobe and deciding that I need new clothes, and then I was reading two books... And the next thing I knew, it was 5am already! So I sahore-d and then I had to prepare to go to school!

Marshalling was fun. Though there were some crazy, irritating, DUMB drivers, who think we're there only for show cos we don't really do anything, but stand there to look as though the school very pro, and can't even park properly leaving stupid gaps that's much too big yet too SMALL for a car to park in!

Please lah okay. Listen to us! God! It's like you're there shaking your hands and mouthing No no no!! Cannot park here!! and they nod their head, acting as though they understand when I bet they never took more then a half-a-second glance AND THEN continue to park THERE, risking knocking ME down.


Rather frustrating, I must say. But it was quite cool too. The walky-talky's fun. Though half the time you end up yelling "HELLO?! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?! NO MORE CARS, SZELING!! NONE! ZERO OKAY! AT THE BACK FULL!".

Either that, or you're complaining about the face-off you just had with this parent cos she/he was complaining about how confusing the whole parking thing was or was basically, you know. About to knock me down or something... *shrugs*


So then on Saturday, did more catching up! Met Melissa at Tamp Mall around 9ish, only to end up in town walking around aimslessly, cos she REFUSES to watch scary or gory shows, which leaves very few choices! So we didnt watch any movie in the end. =(

Oh! And thanks Mud for being Movie guide on standby 24/7....? Haha. I was like calling him ever so often asking him to go check for me time slots. Walking to Cine and BACK to Lido isn't exactly very near.

In the end? We just had dinner at Cine's BK at about 10.30!! And continued walking around and talking. Took the last train to Bedok and cabbed to her place then to mine. Reached home around 12.30, 12.45.

She's still a nut. That'll never change. I was on a roll, rambling jibberings which I can bet on my butt, is why I dream wacko shite every single damn day. So yeah. Sorry Mel!

Apparently, her "purse" is an underwear which has "This underwear was bought for me by someone who loves me very much" or something along those lines printed on it. Cute.

What happened to The Mountain which shows every Sunday? I was waiting and waiting for it to appear! But no, it didn't. And I really do like watching those renovation make-over shows. Like Designer Guys and Debbie Travis' Facelift.

You know, Steven Sarbados is really charming and I have a really HUGE hunch that the other guys is gay. Which sort of confuses me sometimes, cos I'd see him flirt with the ladies.... Hmm.. A bi perhaps.

Which sort of brings me to another thing. I think I'm beginning to understand why guys find 2 hot girls making out, hot. I mean, it's just twice the heat right? Hot stuff. (I'M STRAIGHT)

But, I don't think I'll ever find two hot guys making out, hot. NEVER man. They look so good separately, but oh-so-darn-bad-I-gotta-shut-my-eyes horrible together. Yeah?

+ = EWW

But separately? Hubba hubba......

Ciao babes!

6:30 PM

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14 October 2005

I think there's something awfully wrong with me sometimes. It's like the PRIME of teenage years just struck me full blast this morning. I woke up and felt completely ugly and out of place. I couldn't even stand the sight of my reflection in the full length mirror, when I got up the right side of my bed.

I felt like breaking the damn mirror you know! Shit. This is so weird. I HATE INSECURITIES. They should just go fuck and fling themselves out the window the second them step in.

No such luck now.* pouts* I'm disgruntled.

Anyway, *big bright fake smile* a ligher topic, shall we?

Today met Su and Xiuqi in school to further plan things. It was fun. :D Xiaowei's overseas so not a complete dpt! But it's okay. I was late. Hmm. Not my fault okay. (:

It will be so damn fun. I cannot wait! Oh Hilda just called me to remind me about tmr. God. I completely forgot about it! So yes. Thanks Heewder! (:

Wow. I started writing this at 9.32 and now it's 10.55.

Was talking to my god sis on MSN. The one who's grandma took care of me when I was a wee little baby till I was what six? Catching up is great. I've always loved to "catch up" with those I've lost in touch with. It's like suddenly, it feels as though you guys were as tight knit as before when in fact it's been almost a YEAR since you last talked to them. Makes you feel all warm knowing that they've always been there this whole while. (:

A lot of sense knocked into me. A whole realisationg that it takes very little to steer you off course. How so very little, it's disturbing. Thanks for the view in a different light, sort of. I'm not gonna end up like that, I highly doubt so at least. Like I said, I'll try my very best.

In puzzles, but it's not for you to know anyhow! (:

Actually, I don't have anything "substantial" to update about. Like I said, it gets addcitive, and before long, it's a routine. I don't have any problems with that man. (:

Excuse my randomness alright. After all the new info I've been forced down my throat (more like brains, but nvm. It's a form of "expression" :D) by all the catching up and stuff. So sad. My Mak Nenek doesn't remember me anymore. ):

This is where I'm supposed start on the whole "how you only regret when you've lost it" speech. But to save you the misery, if like me, you feel so heartless sometimes you just wish people will get over the whole sappy shit, I won't do so. (:

Full of smileys so smile folks! (As mentioned, excuse the randomness.)

Ciao babes!

PS: I'm thinking of going for a crash course (AKA reading up on the net ) and then give it a shot at analyzing my dreams. Great idea, no? (:

11:10 PM

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13 October 2005

Dreams. What do they mean? (Damn, this feels like the intro of an English essay.) Thanks to the fucked up dream I had, I went on to Google up dreams and the meaning behind it.

According to this source, dreaming is the cause of ruminating! Shit. So this just further proves that I think too much for my own good! They mentioned something about how depressed people usually dream more cos they ruminate more. But I'm not depressed okay!

Another source claims that there are many types of dreams and you know what? The astrologer is one I frequent quite often! If you don't by now know that I have a thing for astrology...

Here's how dreams occur according to this site :-

The brain pieces together images and stories (AKA dreams) from random electrical pulses it receives from the brain stem. These pulses are sent out every hour and a half or so, while you are sleeping. They are 100 percent random, which means they come in no set order. Your forebrain (the front part of your brain) tries to make sense of the signals, like you would try to make sense of an abstract painting. The way your brain interprets these signals determines what you dream about.

This may be a little wordy. But well, I think it makes sense.

Anyway, have you ever dreamt of something so weird and out of place? Like totally strange with weird characters that get you pondering what the hell it's supposed to signify, thinking about it so much it just about occupies your mind the whole day? I'm sure it has happened to everyone at least once right.

Well, last night I had one of those. Whoops. Make that this morning. I only flopped on my bed at 4am. I don't quite know why. Like I said, I marvel at the things I do online sometimes.

Back to the dream. It was the Olevel last paper, which turns out to be Literature. For some whacked reason, the rule was to NOT wear your school uniform when sitting for the paper. (Lit just rocks too much lah!) Blur Naz and I actually forgot about that and came to school in our uniform. The teachers went ballistic and ordered us to go to the Prefects' Room for a change of clothes. (The day that happens, I'd be scoring A1s for both Maths!)

After a million years, we finally chose what we wanted to wear and proceeded on to the D&T block toilet to change. Naz got stuck cos her top had lots of laces and strings, some kind of corset top or something and I was bleeding everywhere! Like bleeding bleeding. Not period bleeding. At the slightest scratch or bump or graze and I would start bleeding like crap. I guess fibrinogen was absent in my plasma, hence blood cannot clot, and so I continue to bleed. (Bio's buried deep withing me! Haha.)

So then we lost track of time! It was already 8.20 when the paper starts at 8! Somehow, the teachers weren't looking for us. Goes to show how insignificant we are huh. So then we decided oh what the hell. It's just one paper after all. We decided to skip the paper and head on to town! Reason? So we could save ourselves the embarrassment of walking in late for a paper and so we could get away with new clothes! (It sounds really bimbotic and all but hey, it is just a dream after all.)

Okay, so then we met Shez and the school gate. For some reason, she decided to skip the paper too. (Oh how lightly we took the paper huh.) All of a sudden, she rushed back to the hall cos she changed her mind the very last minute.

That's when Naz and I panicked. It suddenly dawned upon us that it was the OLEVELS!! Duh! I asked whether we should rush back to the hall. Naz didnt want to cos she was afraid of the things Mrs Loy would do to her which includes pouring tar on her hair late at night! (How Flowers In The Attic got involved, I have no idea.)

So fine! I rushed back to the hall myself. Met Mrs Lim on the way, the Geog teacher who gave us last minute hints at the courtyard right before the Geog paper? I was trembling when I told her of my sad tale. She put her arms around me and said it was alright , that I'll still be able to take the paper and she'd handle it. She was so damn nice I started hugging her.

Then, when we opened the hall door, I came face to face with Mr Tay! He gave me this black face and before I even said anything, he said "No. I'm sorry. You can't take the paper. You're too late. Get out of my face." in this cold tone. I was so bloody scared.


Fairuz came to my rescue! She stood up from where she was doing the paper and started yelling at Mr Tay! She vented and vented and screamed and screamed. I swear it was so unexpected! She was like a freaking volcano erupting!

When she was finally done, she just sat cooly and went on to do her paper! Everyone was staring at her in complete shock. Silence and more silence. And then suddenly Ms Begam applauded! And everyone followed suit.

Fairuz then gave this "Aiyah-I'm-shy-lah-don't-do-this-to-me-but-I'll-take-it-anyway" smirk. Typical.

And then somehow I managed to sit for the paper beside Lock who lent me a pen cos I forgot to bring in my pencil case. -.-"

Okay, so after the paper. I was walking out of school to head home when I met Wrath who was eagerly waiting for me. Naz started screaming at my face about what a lousy and horrible friend I make for backing out at the last minute, how I didn't keep my word and what not.

She screamed and I screamed back. She yelled and I yelled back. She went nuts and I shrieked in frustration. She was so pissed smoke was coming out of her ears! No kidding!

So then she was about to punch me to get me to stfu. Right before her fist smashed my nose, I woke up shaking and sweating at about 12.45pm. Realising it was only a dream, I started laughing myself silly about the whole thing.

What a dream huh. Weird characters and an even weirder plot. Wonder what it means. But anyway, you gotta admit that my imagination is so rocking hot right? I know. (:

Speaking of dreams, I dream practically every night. Is that normal? Oh god. What if it's not? Shit. I'm an alien stuck on Earth. Somebody save me! (the Smallville song you dufus.)

Okay then. Goodnight ladies. I mean ciao babes! (For a moment, I forgot about my signature sign off which explains the previous few entries.)

11:06 PM

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12 October 2005

I amaze myself sometimes, how long I can spend sitting in front of the computer doing completely random and useless stuff. But you know what. It's the best way I know to while my time away, now that I don't have anything to do. I sort of miss the rush hour of the exam period. The rush kept my blood pumping man! It grew to such lengths that I actually enjoy the pressure and stress!

Nuts I know, but well, people do have their own special quirks. Oh and I've decided to write properly from now on. As in using caps after a sentence and capsing all the "I"s. This would be pretty trying seeing how it's..... different to actually tap on the shift key apart from when you're trying to emphasize a word, or when you're pissed or high or just feeling so weird and... well weird. Oh yes. Bigger=Better?


Sometimes I wonder (yeah yeah. it's another ponder-rant entry of mine) what it's like to be a guy. Xiaxue's entry got me thinking. I mean, I wouldn't have to be caught up in whatever drama-of-the-moment and dealing with bitchy episodes, mood swings, The Period Effect (TPE. my term. shoo!), and whathaveyous.

It'd be quite cool. I mean all you do is just talk about sex and games and weird computer shit and whatever little lame, immature guys of all ages talk about. Plus, they don't seem to have a care in the world. They arent as vain as us. Right? Somehow I find that statement a lie. Whoops. Are they vainer? o.O

Being a guy would mean you'd do without the worry of what to wear when you're going out. Probably just throw on a week-old pair of shabby Levis you've been wearing since you bought them and some smelly tshirt which has definitely seen better days. Then you'll spray some cologne... No, scratch that. You'll spray SHITLOADS of cologne in a weak attempt to hide the fact that you're wearing stinky clothes.

I mean, being a guy cant be as tough as being a girl right? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just assuming too much and looking at things in a very warped view. I don't know.


Today started out with my waking up at 8! I cant seem to break the habit I suppose. Just gimme some time. You'll see the vast leap of improvement in no time! (:

The day didnt seem to pass at all! Jeez. When you need like 48hours to be crammed in ONE day, you get 12hours. When you need time to zoom by cos you just don't have anything to do, it bloody STROLLS by. I was getting frustrated.

EEEGH. Frankie J's version of More Than Words. YUCK! I hate it. I used to think it was alright. Now I don't. SPOILT IT LAH DAMMIT. Extreme's version, the original, is so much better!

Anyway, Fatmah sms-ed me sometime around 1? We ended up going to East Coast to blade! WAH! Good session man! It was fun. The fresh air did wonders. The water looked very serene with the tides' soothing rhythm. (when you overlook the pollution) The fact that it's the fasting month and that it's a weekday was fantabulous!

There weren't many people around. OH! And I'm proud to announce that I did not fall AT ALL! Woohoo! Joyohjoy.

Both of us cant fast so it was alright. Went back home around 7+. A day well spent.


Oh yes. A question. When did you know about periods? No, not SEX but PERIODS. Definitely not when you were NINE right? Kids these days. *shakes head*

Completely out of the blue, my brother asked me whether it hurts when I bleed down there.

Like wow.

11:41 PM

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11 October 2005

while many are fasting out there, i'm leaning back on my lovely black office chair? (whatever it's called), snacking on Famous Amos cookies. VALID REASON OKAY.

omg. i have no idea what's up with me telling the world that i'm having my period. SHIT. i just did it again. okay. i think it's the excitement that i'm really back for good now!! OHMYGOD. the freaking exams are so OVER! the relief is undeniably great. WOOfreakingHOO!! yeah man. (okay. i think that's enough crap talk. hardly the comeback entry i initially had in mind.)

okay. the normal me back. the past week has been a completely CRAZY one. it was pure manic. pandemonium even? (:

a follow up of trackbacks!

last last fri:

aniszah came over. slept over again. she studied while i accompanied her by lying down on the sofa and falling asleep almost immediately. she studied till like midnight? brilliant me here, woke up ard two. realised i was alone in the hall! being the chicken that i am, i rushed to my room in tip toes. (dont ask me why. i think it's cos i think the silence is too... sacred? HAHA)

last last sat:

woke up at abt 8, 9-ish? mugged. no lifers us, mugged the day away. great way to spend a lovely sat i tell ya. then came dinner. and then fatmah called. so me and niz lugged to east coast starbucks (i know i know. coffee bean all the way. but. well. due to the circumstances? lame attempt to save my skin, but nvm). met mariam there. then we stayed till abt midnight? then cabbed back home.

last last sun:

abt noon, sent niz to the 27 bus stop, opp tamp lib. then i went to the lib to try out a different environment. oh screw that. the kids running about DID NO HELP. BUT. they're really just kids. so yeah. tolerate it, i did.

last mon:

erm. didint go to school? to study with fatmah at simei starbucks. (i KNOW. shut up alr lah. fickle me at work...?) stayed till... i cant rmb what time. was good. eye candy helped. (;

and then the following days are a complete BLUR to me. what i know is that i went to study at the simei starbucks for a couple of days. and there was once, me and fatmah were SO BROKE. SO. confidently thinking we had enough money if we combined, headed to the counter and ordered a slice of oreo cheesecake.


we were short of 50cents! wtf?! so, fatmah put on her charm and went "erm. excuse me. we're sort of short of 5o cents. a discount maybe?" in this totally sweet voice. WAH COW. worked like magic! can you imagine?! bargaining at starbucks?!

the following days were just pure insanity. i'd go home and sleep. then i'd wake up to either break fast/bathe/wtvr. then i'd go back to sleep by 8.30 LATEST. then i'd wake up ard 12+, 1, 2 to study till sahore (i dont know what's that in eng. it's just the time you wake up to eat a REAL meal to last you the whole day till sunset. there. the best translation, thus far). and then i'd bathe and go to school.

so basically, the past week has been all books and caffeine for me. lattes are SO good. especially when you're cozying up there on the sofa (okay fine. the cushy comfortable seats there) cross-legged sipping it bit by bit. i mean you know. of course omitting the fact that you are really FORCED to cram your brain. talk about beating the odds man.

personally? i've never worked so hard in my enitre life. I AM NOT KIDDING. but once again, we have to take into consideration that i did everything last minute. so yes. i didnt do anything else apart from cramming my brain you know. SO. super-immune-system me, fell ill last week. how nice. so it was a lot of sniffling, coughing for me in the hall. sorry you poor victims. i know i'd be darn irritated had it not been me but some other helpless soul who's ill cos she was just studying too hard! (:

went to the doctor last sat. i passed it to my bro! HAHA!

bloody hell. write until so long alr and i'm not even done!


today was the LAST PAPER! i here, typically took the weekened for granted since there's only two more papers left.

monday's amaths was a killer. but still, it was better than expected. the situation i had in mind was that i'd see the questions, then be too overwhelmed with fear of really being that stupid or something, and then i'd jam the whole paper through. pretty much like last year's maths paper. so thank god it didnt go that bad. i really just want to get a 45% so i wont have to take that dreaded diagnostic test.

today was lit part two. shakespeare's twelfth night. whoa. it was tedious (to some extent) but do-able (if even such a word exists). so yes. was exploding with joy when i made my way out of the hall. dont think i was the only one! (:

after that waited for J to complete her f&n paper. crapping about with these three idiots. busybodies, we were! then headed to town for nothing. i think it was just to soak up the place. for a moment, i thought it was my first time in town. a lot of things changed lah!

you know the escalator at wisma where you go down and then you'll see Forever21? well, today, we went down there and didnt see it! we were like so shocked man. hello? where the hell did it disappear?!?! BUT. realised that it still exists. just behind the board thingy. just the "high class" coffee shop that wasnt there anymore.

something so stupid happened today. and i witnessed it! HAHAHA. super funny. my sides really did hurt you know dirah. but i'm nice. so i wont say what you did! shit man. i'm stiffling my giggles! okay who cares. HAHAHAHAHA. that was really funny man.

oh my goodness. so long! nvm. have fun you guys! we have like what? FIVE DAYS OFF SCHOOL! woot! i CANNOT wait to go to geylang and feel the raye spirit! yeah man! the bazaar and the crazy crowd and the many raye clothes! and that choking, suffocating, polluted air. and the henna paintings! and the kuihs!! DENG DENG! omg. the crazy earrings' prices! oh hell. i feel nauseous just thinking about it!

i'm so gonna have full blast fun these coming days. be it chilling at home surfing the net or watching tv, WHATEVER. I DONT CARE. right now, studying's not in my vocab.

oh wait. studying? what's THAT?!? o.O *winks

[edit] NINE more days now!!

4:09 PM

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08 October 2005

Julie was a long way from home
She could make alone look pretty
Her attitude made a part of the landscape
Riding her bike through Alphabet City
She likes to party in the backseat
Under the bridge on the Brooklyn side
Smoking cigarettes in the afterglow
Taking bets that the sun won't rise

She said,
"what good is tomorrow without a guarantee?"
She can lick her lips and smile
And make you wanna believe

That the consequences of your actions really are just a game
That your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day
She says nothing's forever in this crazy world

i'm not in the mood for much words right now. sigh. you can go ahead and infer the pics.

i cant stand it anymore. have i mentioned how i really REALLY hate insecurities?

well then. now i have.

(read: i'm fickle right. so my mood will probably flip 180 degrees in no time. but now? i dont even know how to describe it. and you regular readers out there, i think the lack of updates is quite self explanatory right? sorry yeah.)

1:11 AM

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01 October 2005

found this. one word. hilarious. have fun!

Men vs. Women


Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "p" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.


Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.

Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.


Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.


Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.

Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.


Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.


Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.

Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.


Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.


Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.


Women: Women love cats.

Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up:

Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.


Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.

Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style."

Eating Out:

Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.


Men: Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror.

Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys' heads.


Women: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.

Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Phone:

Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Richard Gere: (note: YUMMY! haha.)

Women: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. (uh-huh. *nods head vigorously)


Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.


Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.


Men: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.

Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Locker Rooms:

Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.


Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.

Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him. ( and Brad Pitt too!!!!! Troy rmb??? omf. that was SO hot.)


Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.


Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size."

Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.

Leg Warmers:

Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."


Women: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time.

Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?"


Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom.

Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"

5:57 PM

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Name: Huda
Location: Singapore

If there's one word to describe this girl, it'd be loud. She's easy going and incredibly fun. She'd like to think of herself as approachable (though some claim she looks arrogant and/or fierce). She's highly opinionated and outspoken. Friends insist she's fickle and whines an awful lot. At times, acid-tongued, especially when provoked. A hopeless romantic, that she is. A dreamer. Her mood and emotions fluctuate about in this outrageous manner. Pretty bubbly, loves a good conversation anytime, anywhere. She appreciates beauty of all forms. Quite the idealist, an avid mind wanderer, she'd say. She also finds the horoscope incredibly fascinating. Trust me, you'll love her, if you don't already do. (:

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