Sigh. She insists on an entry for/abt her. (I know this is not the first time you've done this. Done things = forcing others to blog abt you at gunpoint. Don't lie.) I don't know why I'm even doing this.

Oh actually, I do.
a) I'm nice.
b) I'm shit bored and
c) right. I'm nice.

Okay, so Natasha wants me to give Ying Wai a hug and squeeze her till she breaks her bones? Something along those lines cos I kind of forgot. Why? Cos they said yes and she can get it done in June.

So she's obviously happy that they let her get the lip stud she wants, apparently pretty badly. In KL. Or is she coming back to get it done "safely" in Singapore? Hmm? I don't know either.

This is quite the crap I had pictured in mind to prepare myself the outcome of this post. *makes a face*

Natasha. Is. Weird.

Goodnight all.

I finally asked my mum what I've been wanting to ask her for some time. But there's still more questions. But I dare not ask. I don't want to know.

I have a secret. When I need to blog but can't quite be bothered to "filter" out things or be sensitive to whoever's feelings or be conscious of what people think (If you think this is lame, fuck you lah huh. It matters to everyone.) whatsoever, I save it under draft. And I've been posting up more and more drafts of late.

It sucks lah okay. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. I know, I know. But I'm only human. A 15 year old girl okay. So cut me some slack. Idealistic. So there you have it. Shut it already. *rolls eyes*

I saw it, but I pretended not to see it. I think that's what most of us are guilty of. The signs are all there, presented in black and white right before you. But nope, you choose to take it the other way. The way you choose to see it. The way you want it to be. The wrong way.

Am I bad? Shit.

Avoiding=Bad=Ignorant=Incapable=Stupid

I've realised something. You hate the people you hate because it hits home. So you criticise.

This may be horribe. But I seek comfort in those below me. In all ways and forms. (And no, I'm not talking about rank and age.) Yes, it's mean. Cruel. Pathetic. But if you say you don't, you're no good either. You liar.

But then, I really do look up to those above me. In all ways and forms. It's pathetic. So?

The Alchemist is a really good book. I love it, and I'm not even through reading it. I feel motivated. Reborn! Haha. Overdramatic, I know. But well, yeah.

When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.

I think I want it badly enough. I hope know.

I'll talk about thursday and friday cos I don't quite feel like talking about today. For now.

Thursday. It was one hell of a busy looong day. We had PE third period. And straight after that jogging. It was so fucked up, I swear. 4C was super tired and everyone just felt PMS-y. It was the kind of feeling where you just wanna yell at anybody. But you know it'll make things worse so you shut up. And oh surprise surprise. It made no diff. =/

At least there wasn't Phy after school. Had additional trg (2 pitches only) and then I had to rush off to tuition. At least I managed to do my Amaths hw there. So I can go home and sleep. This week, I think I broke my record. The hours I sleep... amazing I tell you. To question how I got my darn bags... ARGH!

Actually, tuition was pretty good! Differentiation's quite alright.

Walked to Kem Mrt station. And guess who I saw! Mud! Haha. And then suddenly there was this pair of hands on my shoulders "Boo!"-ing me. Freak. Zai's an idiot. They were gonna meet Mariam for the Oasis concert! Darn! But I'd be too shit tired if I went anyway. Doubt I'd be able to enjoy it. (trying to convince myself here)

Friday. I couldn't really think of anything else apart from the prelims, the prelims and oh, the prelims. I was in ohshitfuckdiehow mode.

Things went. I don't know. Below expectations, quite?

The lying down at the small field part was cool and rather soothing, I must say.

Ma'am Tan's darn nice lah. Rachel and I chatted with her for so long at the stone benches, whatever their called. Correcting my reflections! Horrible handwriting, man! (: Then we ended up going for peanut dumplings in bean curd later. (tau huey? tau hui? what?)

Slept at 10.20 to "Crawling Back to You" I think. Cos when I woke up in the morn, the first thing that went through my mind was that song. Followed by that weird dream, which has no relations to prelims, don't worry. But I think it had plenty to do with my anxiety. SHIT.

Okay. You know what. I'm just gonna talk about today.

Reached school ard 6.45, did one final pitch. Fine, okay, put that aside. Things will be different.

We had bean curd, again for breakfast. Tau huey (I dont care lah) rocks man! Woot! Received good luck charms from team mates! I love my purple wooden clip. And oh man, I love my maroon hairband too! The significance... I don't know. That wave of nostalgia when you think about it...

Crazy was in a good mood. In Mariam's words, all's good in the neighbourhood. We looked cool with our colourful hairbands and wooden clips clipped on it like ET! Uber cool okay. (:

In the bus. Passing around good luck goodies! Visualising...

At PA. The exitement and electricity buzzing in the air.You could really feel it. Leaning more towards the excited part. Crazy looked fine to me.

We did our ritual hush-hush. We aren't attention seekers thank you very much.

Ran out (whateverth for) to the pitch. Cedar screamed like nuts. Realised that there was 4 squads there! Hermes and Crater ma'ams came back. Added pressure. Cool.

The one minute check was so sudden! Ohwell.

*long horn blast*

GO!

*short horn blast*

One more minute!

*long horn blast*

Over!

It was so hard trying to stay strong. It was so fucking hard. Which is why it gave way after sometime. Supressing emotions, is one of the worst things. Ever.

A million and one things running through my mind. Things happened. Some we've never encountered before. It was quite hell. Trying to stay calm and cool is practically impossible. But thank god some part of my brain could still reason and function and act immediately.

I know it seems like just an excuse and that it's pathetic, but the cheering kind of did no help. I don't know lah. I mean, yeah it's supposed to encourage and support you. But it sounded like... It sounded like a threat.

Aggressive = Bad

I couldnt turn right. Sitting there being judged. I knew that at one glance, it'll just all fall apart. But couldnt ignore squadmates' callings lah. Then yeah.

Everything was running through your head all at once. It's pretty overwhelming. But well, deal with it.

Period + This = Emotions Going Haywire

Everyone was just so down low. I mean duh. 3 months plus! Sigh. It's not easy okay.

I really felt like... I didnt thank god. It really is all very frustrating.

Swensons was alright. Ice cream's good for the mood. Two earthquakes. My god. (:

Trying my darnest to hold on to the intangibles. At least learn something from Krishna! He did put me through hell on friday trying to complete that darn essay! But it's uh. Easier said than done.

The only thing we can do now I guess is to hope for the best but prepare for the worst and then move on.

Describing how I feel now, would be impossible.

But then again we make the impossible possible. *rueful smile

Hello all. Today's an alright day I suppose. Here goes! Bear with me will ya?

Thank god Ma'am Chew's my form teacher! I got to go to the Boys' Prelims today. It was exciting. Fun, even. Though uh. Some were really no comments. '!!!' HAHA. Though there were others who were pretty WHOA!.

Rachel and I, and many others I'll assume, were impressed by XXX school. Haha. Sounds so... secretive! Well, they are good!

Went back to school after some time to train for a while. Then later, Rachel and I went off to meet Clara to go to the ACJC funfair. Now that was quite crazy. The throngs of people were insane! It was like really ohmygod. It's worse than town on a weekend night! *shakes head*

Bumped into a familiar face at practically every turn! Went to the food area cos well, funfair games are... not that interesting. After munching on little knick knacks, we went on exploring the entire place.

There was too many people, I couldn't really see where I was heading. It was seriously nuts! You'd think someone famous died or some A-List hollywood celeb was there or something. But not a school funfair. LOL. (Notice, I don't quite use that anymore? As in "'lol". I don't know why though.)

They were selling anything and everything possible. Even hundreds of dollars plants! Yeah, that's right. Plants. The food was cool. There was even one stall that sold chocolate dipped stuff, from that chocolate fountain. The one that was featured in Sunday Times, I think, not too long ago?

The three of us were just walking aimlessly. There seemed to be no end to the fun fair! As in the stalls and such. There was a numeber of cool stuff. Like there was this band that could play well, but not sing well at the Cafe whatever it was. Apparently, the school has a couple of Cafe thingys or something. That school's confusing!
Literally collided into Chestine somewhere upstairs, I don't know where, cos ohheck, ACJC is one huge ass school! Bumped into Sheena too! People I know were like popping all over the place.

Oh and the haunted houses, according to Chestine, was not bad. It cost 10 bucks per ride per person, mind you. No, of cos we didn't take it. We almost did though.

We decided it was stupid walking around aimlessly cos there was nothing much we could do with 8 bucks left after busting 12 bucks on food! We ended up buying two packets of Hershey's Kisses and proceeded OUT!

Getting a cab outside the school was so annoying! Cos there'll always be people who just stepped out and there they go stealing your cab! URGH. It's because of the two way road. Okay, you know what. I can't explain the situation, so I'll just drop it.

IT WAS SO DIFFICULT TO GET A CAB!!

It was okay, I guess, overall. It would have been great if the crowd was more toned down or if we had more coupons! See lah, Lock and Co! All your fault! Stole the ones Mrs Foo gave away! Did you even end up going?!

Okay. I just heard this particualr song. Bringing back memories. Making my heart sting like mad. This is totally ridiculous! I mean hello! What are you thinking, Huda! Snap out! Snap outtt!
But I can't help recalling. Can't help regretting. Can't help unregretting the regrettings. I can't help being young and stupid. It's not my fault!

I know it's weird. But on the train home, I saw something. Actually no, I've been observing something. And it made me feel... incomplete. Like there's something missing. It was strange. Cos it came completely out of the blue and the blow! Oh the blow was really unexpected!

Hormones. Yes. It's all the hormones. What else!?

These past few days, I've realised that my emotions have been fluctuating like crazy. Worse then when I'm normally PMS-ing. Wait, I think I am. Cos I have pimples popping out on my forehead! Urgh. But come on, man! This bad?!

In school itself, I'd be trying to control my moods. Not letting it swing too far out or too far low.The higher the better. But by doing so, the things that go through my mind! See, this is what happends when all's repressed in fear of hurting people unnescessarily. Man. I feel bad! Cos they were really uncalled for. Basically, if those things were muttered out, I'd be in deep shit. With all the people around me.

But hey, rather in than out in this case, yeah? Actually, no, I don't know. In VS Out. Hmm.

What else. Oh yeah. Went out for dinner with the family. Now, I'm so tired and my whole body is aching, I really do need a full body massage man. (accumulated effects of a really screwed exhausting week!)

I need to sleep. Goodnight you guys.

I have a confession. Sometimes? I really really really cannot stand school. See, I'm trying my darnest not to use the word "hate". It is so tiring and urgh! The workload? I'm about to die. Okay, so maybe the latter's just due to my horrid (yes, it really is that bad) time management. I want a personal assistant! So this poor little soul will actually help me keep in check with time! But she'll probably quit her job in a day. Sigh.

I mean, yeah I know. I know the stakes okay, I do! But seriously? On the verge of snapping here. I need.... to escape! Like to Venice! Or Paris! Or or... a date! With Nick Carter. Badly. Now, would be great. Would soothe till no end. Loosen all my tight and stiff spots. Oh please. Not a sexual innuendo ah.

Hmm. No harm dreaming, yeah? T-O-U-G-H! Tough tough tough! Perseverance capability shrinking little by little! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Gotta believe that saying man!

But yes, I need to hang on! We all do! But it is kinda hard sometimes. Much easier to just flop on the ground and raise that darn white flag! But no! *sticks out hand to your face a la Chan, full of conviction*

The audience is butt naked. I am poking fun at them. The lights don't matter. The crowd's lame. The sound system sucks, but so? The show must go on!

In other news, got into a row with mother dearest. I don't know man. Sometimes, you really do confuse me. I'm like thinking 'what what what? I don't get you. I don't get you at all!'. Sigh.

And yes. I know the reason why my mum and I get really really mad at each other when we do, not just mad mad but crazy mad mad! See, being as close as we are, when she doesn't get me, I'll be really peeved to the extent of being disappointed. I mean, since you know me so well, you're supposed to understand things at a higher level and understand exactly why I do the things I do! But you don't!

So my take on this whole thing; it's all about meeting to expectations.

As a mother, my mum's probably thinking, 'Well, we get along alright. She should know what I expect from her.' Or stuff like 'She really disappointed me by reacting that way'. While I'm thinking pretty much along the same lines! So you see! Urgh. Complications suck. *rolls eyes*

We have an Amaths test tmr. We're gonna get back our Lit Unseen test, which I know I did badly for. And tmr's a long day. A long fry day. Fryfuckingday. No matter! Weekend's coming!

Note to life: Come on man! Throw me all you've got! You might as well just hit me square in the face. At the rate you're going, picking up pace bit by bit... Pissing me off, ya know! Bring it on man. (Ahh. All that confidence... Gonna falter and quiver in all it's glorified shame in not time. Hmm. =/)

E + R = O

Okay! I have this sudden need (like I always "happen" to) to blog about stuff that's been happening these past two days.

Let's see. Tuesday was Valentine's Day! The last one in Cedar for the Sec 4s! Man, am I gonna miss all the lurrrvvvveee spread on this very day! The feeling of stepping into class to see stuff on your desk.... awwww... Haha. Excuse my uh. Mushiness. I got bitten by the love bug lah! Not entirely my fault, you see!

It's like, the day that makes you feel loved and cherished and treasured and yah lah. You know what I'm talking about. Mushy, but yes, it is the truth! (:

I don't know about you. But I guess in an all girls school (or maybe perhaps it's jsut Cedar?) 14th Feb is quite the big deal. We spend loads (kind of) to make sure we don't miss out anyone we'd like to express our appreciation for. It is this day that we get to feel so special (oh hey, I've got a "flower", the fake one, that says so! So yeah! I am. Be silent!). We celebrate our singlehood! And girl power baybeh! Haha.

(Okay, Huda, you've got 20 more mins before your show starts! Hurry dammit!)

So yes. Yesterday was pretty dang awesome! Gifts! Flowers! Cookies! I love presents! Don't cha?

Okay, on to today then. And yes, as you've probably already guessed, this is the update-abt-my-day kind of post.

It started out with Bio. Mrs Chiaw is so cute! Like, the kind of old lady you may find irritating cos she's taking too long a time to walk in front of you. But then she bends over to place a bowl of milk for the stray cats and you just go "Aww dammit. Now I feel awful for thinking she was irritating!", that kind, you know? (:

Malay was pretty cool. We talked to Cikgu about stuff. Love, marriage and religion all rolled in one! How's that for one hour of uh, oral exchange in Malay mind you!

Recess. Then had Emaths for a short while, before we went on to carry out the IPP excercise! Since it's Total Defence today and stuff.

It was rather dry and boring actually. I mean, at first, we were all having fun, all hyped up to be all enthusiastic but oh my. It got so extremely boring towards the end! Even the sing-a-long with Beatrice at the guitar got dry. Sigh. Cant have it all your way I suppose.

Went on to the hall for the debrief of the excercise. And that was where things got real naughty and raunchy! Haha. Great laughs. The things you do when you're dead bored and seriously on the verge of nodding off! Potent, no? Secret fantasies! HAHA.

After school. After school!!!! (The exclamation marks, I'm not gonna explain!)

Went for the Maths talk/trail at NYJC. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!! Super OHMYGOD! I'm telling you, it's like fate! HAHA. Though it'll pass, (in like a week) but still! I like the feeling. The super high on drugs kind. The sort you can only get being a girl. :D

The tour around the school was dry dry dry omf dry! So, of course Huda's here to save the day! (: We got on to being sick and crude all over again! Man. Horny shits.

Okay, back on to the '!!!'! It was so.... coincidental! Fun! HAHA. Fuck. I'm late. Oh shucks. This post is weird. Well, chocolate's an aphrodisiac, so it's not my fault! (Read: title)

Boys are like toilets. They're either occupied. Or full of shit.

There's so much to say, really! Plenty going on. I'm at a loss as to where to begin. How do I feel? Well, emotions swirling around, mixing themselves up, resulting in brand new concoctions altogether are currently a thing of the norm. I can't specifically place a name for how I'm feeling presently.

People find different ways to numb themselves, a way to be devoid of emotions and perhaps morbid in nature, to enter a demonic state of senseless anguish and pain, tattered with heart breaking anticipation of what might be tomorrow. Some entrench themselves in the magic dragon while others go in pursuit of the magic drink. Others pretend everything is ok until the emotions overwhelm them. I used to numb myself by sleeping it off. I begin to realize that my reliable old friend is no longer there. I wake up hoping to desensitize myself, numbing myself from whatever that bothers me. Instead I find myself a million times amplified.

Taken from Gary's blog. I couldn't agree more. About it being amplified, after denying it for some time. It'll just worsen.

Open your eyes. It really is all about perceptions. It really stumps me sometimes, how things are. They change in an instant; a snap's all it takes. What's most hurting, is the fact that it could have been prevented. Prevention's better than cure.

But hey, dwell in that and you'll never surge forward. It'll just remain as it is. No, actually it won't. It'll worsen. It'll get to you like no other. Eating you up bit by bit. Cos deep inside, things at hand are a whole different matter altogether, maximised and stretched at a new level. The level where the risks of snapping are huge. The level where turning back to what it once was, may be a thing of the past. The level where "sorry"s are worth nothing. The level where helplessness is the only constant feeling.

Don't let it get there. Just don't.

A short, supposedly insignificant, exchange of words damages till no end. Things build up. They multiply, they grow. People suck it in, little by little. Things build up. They multiply, they grow. Tolerance, is never advisable. Acceptance is welcomed with open arms.

Co-operate. Team work. Only with effort, can you reap the results you want! You can't expect it to happen with only a handful playing their part! That's plain ridiculous! Do your part, too!

Chances. Opportunities. Give it. Give it, aplenty. It's something you really shouldn't be stingy about. Would it kill you? Would it, really? And why not, if it helps? Pride, should be set aside. In fact, it should be shoved inside the closet and slam that door shut, please!

Will. The will to change. The will to improve. The will to better yourself. The will to feel more. The will to empathise. The will to listen to what others have to say. No, not hear. Listen! Open your ears! Don't walk away and deny! Listen! And listen good! Don't shut it off either. Take it in your stride. Do what you're supposed to do.

Your instincts. What your heart says, what your guts say, listen to that too. You know what you should do. Do it. Hand in hand with your sense, it'll work out. It'll work out fine.

Adapt. Change is the only constant in life. Need I say more?

Learn. Learn and don't commit it again!

Lastly, have faith, will ya! Believe! Jeez, you'd think you guys were born immune to happy feelings or something! I'd look back, and laugh myself silly at the things you do and say! I want my monkeys back! (:

***
Well, on to other things now.

Olevels top scorer hails from Cedar! Yeah man! Haha. Woohoo. All of us are so incredibly proud of Cedar! The media was already on stand by way before hand! But that's just cos RGS and RI have that IP thing, right. But still! Madness! Trip science and Lit and Jap! 10 A1s! Nuts!

We were inside Clara's dad's car when the news mentioned about the Olevel results. Haha. When we heard our school's name, we just went bonkers inside. Now that's what you'd call school spirit!

Ms Leong came back! It felt so good to hear her voice again! Man! Don't we all miss her? You know the combined science class' average L1R5's 10! What a morale booster! Haha. When the statistics were flashed in the hall, it was really unbelievable. Last year's batch did so freaking well lah! Hope it'll be the same for our cohort!

Okay. I need a breather. Phew! See ya.

Night hovers over, constantly
Never receding,
merciless
The moon! Not once on display
The stars, shining meekly,
unreliable

What makes of this?
Life, never is fair, my dear
But still
The wrestle continues

Storms strike, perpetually
Never receding,
merciless
Lightning!
The clouds, drifting back and forth,
unreliable

Haunting.
Relentless.
Reciprocate,
It shall be done.


"The first and best victory is to conquer self. To be conquered by self, is of all things, the most shameful and vile." -Plato

It's funny sometimes. How things go and how people work. It doesn't matter anymore now, does it? To each her own. If it's fine, then fine it is. All up to you. Cos it matters no more, who's gonna do something about it and who's not. Actions, believe me, speaks far louder than words. Oh but wait. It doesn't matter anymore! Rightt. Sorry, I forgot. It has nothing to do with me anyway, yeah?

***

Today was a pretty alright day. School went by rather quickly, I must say. We had 3 hours of Bio. Ohmygod. And 4c made through it! Anyway, my mind's still wandering around yesterday's topics. Reviewing it once more. Scanning, analyzing, deducting.

I don't really have much to say. Okay no, scratch that. I do have a lot to say. But some things are better left unsaid, huh.

Will leave you with this song I really really love. My dad introduced it to me yonks ago, while driving me to school one day. It's honest yet subtle. The message's clear. Things deceive you. They fool you. And not doing anything about it, depite all the wants to do so, just stagnates the situation. It's your call.

Wild World by Cat Stevens

Now that I've lost everything to you,
you say you want to start something new,
and it's breaking my heart you're leaving,
baby I'm grieving.

But if you wanna leave take good care,
hope you have a lot of nice things to wear,
but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.

Oh baby baby it's a wild world,
it's hard to get by just upon a smile.
Oh baby baby it's a wild world.
I'll always remember you like a child, girl.

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do,
and it's breaking my heart in two,
cause I never want to see you sad girl,
don't be a bad girl,

but if you want to leave take good care,
hope you make a lot of nice friends out there,
but just remember there's a lot of bad
and beware, beware

Oh baby baby it's a wild world,
it's hard to get by just upon a smile
Oh baby baby it's a wild world,
and I'll always remember you like a child, girl.

Coffee on a cold rainy night, crosslegged with Kieffy on my lap, while tuning in to Class 95 is good. Really good. I love times like this. You forget for a moment.

Today, should I grade it (ala Lock&Chan), it'd be an A++! I'm loving the times we hang more and more! So now we're The Constants huh, Mar.

Morning was grocery shopping with dearest mother and brother. I really do love grocery and toiletry shopping! It's great fun. Especially when you toss in things in utter secrecy hoping it'd pass at the counter with Mother not finding out. Only to realise, when you're back home, that it's not there anymore cos brilliant Mother knew about it and took it out discreetly!

On to the rest of the day spent with the gang minus Najib!

Met Mud and Mariam and went for lunch at Century Square. It was there that this super amazing idea blossomed! From Ice Kachang of all things! Working on it now. Hope it turns out good. Since it did stem from great minds after all. (:

Listened to their wedding song. Not together lah. They just heppen to share the same song. It's nice. Better together. One hell of a nice song with heartmelting lyrics! Like oh my god sweet. I swear, it's definitely on my list of "I'd-just-melt-and-falter-if-a-guy-were-to-sing-it-to-me". Along with BSB's "Yes I will"!! Right Rachel?

Mar and I bought white Birks. Fakes of course. I mean, hello. Zai came while I was paying for it. That fella ah... Annoyed me quite a bit today! Oh what's new.. *sigh

The men then went to get a trim while the women chatted over coffee and cakes at Starbucks. You know. Pretty much at every cafe, there'd be this one cute barista you'd glance at from time to time. The branch here, however, didnt have any! Must be a change of shift! Must be!

Apart from that, all was good. Girl talk and eavesdropping lightens the heart! Most definitely! Man, the chicks beside us sure had some interesting goss! So scandalous and oh-so-evil! It wasn't our fault! They were talking very loudly! Accidentally or not, we'll never know. And it turns out, we both have a Mr Bus Guy! I know a certain someone who switches Bus Guys like nobody's business! *winks

When the guys came back, we chatted for a bit inside. Mud's hairstyle didn't look one bit like Jason Mraz's! Unsucessful attempt at koping (whatever the spelling is) a celeb's hairstyle!

Oh and ohmygod. I cannot believe Zai did the dare we dared him! He started it anyway. He was the one playing with my heels! He found the clickity clack of the heels amusing. -.-" His slippers are comfy but ugly and old! And and... ugly and old!

He walked out of Starbucks in my heels! Mud recorded it. Shit funny. The worst, or rather the best part since it further solidifies my stand that he is... you know..., he walked like a natural! Like as though he's been doing it for years! *shakes head It's okay you know Zai. To come out clean. (:

We sat at a table outside Starbucks and our conversations got rather deep and intense. The ponderings of 15 year olds. It was nice to listen to what they've to say.

All that and none of those
Questions baffling the very souls
Answers elliciting laughter and further thought
Unsolved mysteries leaving us in sought
Still grasping blindly, all of us
While wandering through the journey, survive it we must

It certainly shed some light. I think all of us did our fair share of thinking just now, yeah? Oh and some asshole brought up the topic of the supernatural. *shivers You just had to now, didn't you! Poor Mariam. (:

Quite unbelivable that we spent a good 3-4 hours of sharing and all. We jumped from one topic to the other, one after another! It was all good. And yes yes. We will help you out with that uh... project.

Okay. I think I better hit the sack now. A good day, it was. Nights all!

Hello all.

It was needed. Quite badly needed actually. I was pretty happy about it. The alarm went off, I hope. No snoozing this time! Deserving, to me. Perhaps not, but still. I try time and time again. But somehow, it doesnt happen.

Sometimes, I think good and bad people are born so. They were meant to. Nothing can be changed, despite all the efforts. And then something totally insane happens, and I have to stop and doubt that all over again. There's a possibility indeed.

I think I should try to rid the habit of writing in secrets. Ohwell. Doubt I'll be able too. Anyway, sent my brother off at the airport just now. He's off to Taiwan for two weeks to undergo this NS course thing. Something about him being a sgt. The airport was full of fit guys. Super not bad lah can! Haha. Whoops. But hey, when boredom strikes, you find ways to entertain yourself, yeah? (Not that I needed any prompting whatsoever)

Question. Who the hell hammers her own knee?! Sigh. The bruise is so fugly I can't stand the very sight of it. Go away. Go go away!

Caught The Craft just now. Freaky movie. Witches and magic. In this dark sense. I remember watching it in parts. But never the whole movie. Chickenshit remember? It freaks me out. Seriously. The part where the snakes and bugs and all things creepy were overflowing made my hair stand. But it really is kinda cool.

Oooh... Robbie Williams on the radio. Recently, I've mentally listed singers/bands/celebs of all walks of entertainment that I subconsciously like. Meaning, I like them without the big fuss, like BSB which is an entirely different story altogether. Yellowcard, Green Day and Robbie Wiliams among them. ANGELINA JOLIE! She's gorgeous and amzing, please.

I am so random in this post. All's thrown in at once. I am tired and exhausted. Not to mention crap sleepy. Nights.

There's so much I wanna say. There's so much I wanna express. I feel compelled to burst, but somehow can't quite? These.... things all bottled up sure ain't good for my health. But well. Perhaps, it's time I fall ill. Figuratively. I am. I think. Falling. No, I know.

I want to phrase it all down in words and place it right here. But I can't. It's all so messy and annoying. Pressing me on. I mean. Things nowadays. It's just so... limp. So very limp and dry. Like how back in the good ol days of primary school life, you'd suck that air batu dry while walking out after school.

Read through my personal book diary of the first half of last year. It's always nice to look back. Always. It felt as though I was intruding. Yeah, you read that right. Intruding. It's so different. Almost like I couldn't recognise me in me. All that much change? Really? It seemed unreal. Perhaps it's just the goings-on of this mind. Complicating matters that needn't be. Excess denied.

So now it's 4.54am. Did some work just now, so I think I deserve this little treat. I swear, Chem can be such a bitch sometimes. It's like okay... I know it's a salt with whatever element they gave but WHAT is it!? To make things worse, I still cant quite get it even though I'm constantly referring to the notes. I can't quite be that dumb, right! Aw man. This seriously. Sucks. (I sound like the stereotype teen but whatever.) Argh. Chem, you must start liking me okay! You must! You must!

Oh yeah. Caught Laguna Beach last night. It's the only television series I follow regularly y'know. I used to be a TV junkie, following 5-6 different programmes. So yeah. Talk about cutting down man.

Back to LB. I cannot stand Jason! Can you spell jerk?! And why Alex?! Of all people! Jessica's nice enough, please. And I'm starting to like Kristin more and more! Haha. She's cool. Taylor's being such a tease to poor Talan! Talan and Kristin should just hook up already. Sigh. The drama's of reality. Okay, make that reality TV. Oh and whatever happened to Lauren? I bet she's like somewhere making out with Stephen, who still has feelings for Kristin. (He is REALLY hot.)

Okay. Kindda got carried away there. Short one here. I've to go now. School. Hmm. Ciao babes.