sometimes i wonder what it would take to make things right. it's really hard to maintain friendships. sometimes i think i too, get confused and wrapped up in whatever it is i'm wrapped up with at the moment and well, leave some things be... forgotten?

i dont know really.

it's like you know the killer green eyed monster? well, jealousy strikes me pretty often. (read: britney spears) but well, it's runs far deeper than just that. it's like...... you know when you feel as though you're supposed to be some place else instead of wherever you are? like you want to break free of all responsibilities and just run wild and free.

reality check: not possible

i just think that sometimes too many things take to much effort to continue to keep it that way. i mean why cant it be just black and white? why the need for all the greyer parts in life? why the need to confuse us and just leave us all the more jammed in reverse?

speaking of the past and flashbacks (liane's influence here), i've been having quite a number of those recently. it's true you know. they just suddenly hit you in the weirdest moments.

you're laughing your head off one moment in the mrt, a side glance at this girl who looks like someone you know, and it strikes you. and then you feel the whole experience all over again, as though it just happened a second ago.

and it hurts. it pains. it angers. it makes you wanna inflict violence upon the first person who does the slightest thing, unknowingly, to provoke you. it pisses you off. it sucks.

no shit.

so yes. bad memories.

that aside, had our english paper today. i found it relatively alright. (should i eat my words now in case i end up doing horribly?) it was a good start (read: involves a certain someone (x). to keep me rather calm and you know, refocus my attention somewhere else. instead of just worrying my ass (!) off. cos really, the first paper sets the tone for the rest to follow suit.

paper one, section one was a good one. IT SCARED THE BLOODY LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME!

hello? how exactly are you supposed to think rationally when you dont even understand the questions?

1. Foreign brides
2. Describe an incident when you were a recipient of a magnanimous gesture.
3. 'Young Singaporeans lack the adversity quotient'. Comment.
4. A remarkable coincidence.
5. Some people fear darkness while others find it intriguing. How do you feel about it?

hrmph. along with probably half the cohort, i chose the latter. it's the simplest, no? i cant do narrative cos i tend to get the whole story tangled in one big mess, going completely out of point. unless of cos i spend hours pouring over it. that privilege, of cos we didnt have. as for the rest, either i didnt comprehend it or i just didnt have enough content.

initially however, i did write out some points for "Foreign brides". abt the new paper article and how men find Singaporean women to hard to manage so they'd rather pay for simple Vietnamese wives blahblahblah. but realised i had too little content.

i wrote about feeling a good mix of both regarding the dark. more things to write about and well, that is truth. however, i think my tone may be a bit too informal. grr.

oh yes. and i think blogging helps you improve your english. cos you're still writing, though informally. and you definitely have to put some thought into what you're about to blog. so it helps. (:

paper two. it was about McDonald's history. it's outdated though. i think the content was based in the year 1999. it was pretty okay for me i guess. no doubt the vocab part is a complete gonner. gah. i hate that, right behind the summary.

i'm just hoping that the markers would realise the papers were tough and that that shoud be a sufficient enough reason for them to be lenient. please i'm begging you!

***
after the paper, me, naz and dirah lunched at PP macs before heading to NLB. it's darn cool. but there were no seats! so we gave up and ended up loitering about in bugis junction. a waste of time. =/

but it was still good laughs all the same. (contradicting, but who cares)

okay. that'd be all for now. let's just hope for the best. ciao babes.

I need Einstein's preserved brain!