Red Hot Passion
11 December 2005

OTT rant session. Accept it, not tolerate...?

Oh. My. God. *punches the nearest soul which in this case is the computer cos really, I have a feeling that it is sort of alive in some whacked way*

I feel like storming downstairs and strangling a whole bunch of Mats cos duh they're obviously a nuisance to the society. Plus the Minahs and the Bengs and the Lians and a certain group of inconsiderate fans.

I also feel like shopping for new clothes to ease my mind off all things in relation to unhappy unhealthy feelings. Although I know some of you may just go "Aha. Another angsty teenager going through one of her 'moments' and what does she know about life, she's only 15 and so she does not have the right to say such things which dont make sense cos HEY! She hasn't even lived past the teenager age".

Well, I've got two words for you. SHUT UP.

I want to live a day where I really dont think of anything disturbing and to actually be able to say that I was 100% happy for a day. Which I doubt is really possible cos 24 hours, in this case, is way way WAY too long to actually accomplish such amazing things. And besides, it wouldnt be life, if that were to happen, right? Not really at least.

And yes, as you may have already guessed, this has evolved to an entry where I rant and vent and write anything as I please. Simply for the reason that I'm apprently "in the mood". So if you're not happy, there's always that tiny cross on the top right hand corner of this page, thank you very much.

Tolerate and accept. Ring any bells? Well, right now, I'm wondering how much can one really "tolerate and accept" before you OD-ed on "good natured" pills then snap faster than you can say "forgive and forget".

I mean to even tolerate is bad, from what I've been taught by numerous "educators" as well as certain first hand accounts. They all say that one should just accept it (person/situation) so it'd be easier on you cos then you wouldnt harbour such "bad natured" feelings to even begin with.

But how I don't know. Call me impossible, but how exactly do you accept something you don't even LIKE?


Okay, so given the situation that I've had a bad day so far and it's only 12 o'clock in the afternoon. What do I do? I dont tolerate it, I ACCEPT it and so I dont do everything in my power to better my day, cos you know what, I've ACCEPTED the fact that today's a bad day?

It's like saying to accept menstrual cramps when you're totally tolerating it!!

Even when you tolerate right, it's like there ARE limitations, no? So whether you choose to tolerate or accept, it doesnt make much of a differance. To me at least. Cos from what I've learned, they both ammount to the same damn thing. And that, my friends, is called blowing up.

SIGH. I dont know what I'm getting at, really, just that it feels pretty good to let off some steam. Shall we continue? Okay, good.

Why is it that some people NEVER learn? Maybe I'm not exactly in the right position to even mention it. But hey, I think I'm way better than some others who, I've realised are really really really naive. Or stupid. Or ignorant. Or selfish. Or stupid. Oh wait, I've mentioned stupid before.

It's like, people here (yours truly as a fine example) are trying to improve the situation, y'know? And what do they do?! They make things harder. They get on your nerves like that *snaps*! It takes two to tango okay. Why am I even bothering when you're not taking it as cue for you to do something about it too!?

Because I'm nice, and I'm feeling like a good Samaritan. So yes, I do my part. But do you? Oh no, you don't. You don't even flick your eyes at my effort. You just continue as you are. And that, is really pissing me off. You are so immature and selfish, to the extent that I actually feel sorry for you. Really, I do.


Okay. Another topic to rant about. People who think they are right all the time, just cos they're older. Excuse me, but I really don't think that warrants you to that "right" - that you're right all the time. Cos you know what. Nobody is. Right all the time that is. Nobody.

It's just cos you're mad at yourself for not being smarter. You're mad cos I beat you to it, whatever it may be at that point of time. You're mad cos your life, is seriously, nothing but a mess. You're mad cos you're not doing things you thought you should be doing right now.

So I don't retaliate, cos I'm better than that. I don't give you that satisfaction. Instead, I sit there, and play dumb. Giving you the impression that you are, of course, the hero, and I'm the baddie. In actual fact, you're the silly one.

And your "smart remarks" are not even smart to begin with. If I wanted, I could devour every inch of your flesh. I could chew it slowly, bit by bit. I could you know. I really could. But nope. I choose to swallow you whole. You're that insignificant (for this very moment).

You know the African egg-eating snake? I'm just swallowing the egg whole, for now. Stretching my neck just so I can do that. I don't break you. Just yet. Once the egg is in the snake's throat, however, this remarkable thing happens.

The roof of this snake's throat contains its own built-in saw, and it uses this tool to saw the egg open, allowing the juicy contents to flow into its stomach. Then, it neatly folds up the empty egg shell before throwing it up as a small white pellet.

Too bad I've decided it's not the day for me to sharpen that built-in saw, presently as blunt as your grey matter. I can't wait to throw up that small white pellet. I really can't wait. But as I'm quite fond of saying, patience is virtue.

Goodbye everyone.

Huda
1:34 PM
 

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