I finally asked my mum what I've been wanting to ask her for some time. But there's still more questions. But I dare not ask. I don't want to know.

I have a secret. When I need to blog but can't quite be bothered to "filter" out things or be sensitive to whoever's feelings or be conscious of what people think (If you think this is lame, fuck you lah huh. It matters to everyone.) whatsoever, I save it under draft. And I've been posting up more and more drafts of late.

It sucks lah okay. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. I know, I know. But I'm only human. A 15 year old girl okay. So cut me some slack. Idealistic. So there you have it. Shut it already. *rolls eyes*

I saw it, but I pretended not to see it. I think that's what most of us are guilty of. The signs are all there, presented in black and white right before you. But nope, you choose to take it the other way. The way you choose to see it. The way you want it to be. The wrong way.

Am I bad? Shit.

Avoiding=Bad=Ignorant=Incapable=Stupid

I've realised something. You hate the people you hate because it hits home. So you criticise.

This may be horribe. But I seek comfort in those below me. In all ways and forms. (And no, I'm not talking about rank and age.) Yes, it's mean. Cruel. Pathetic. But if you say you don't, you're no good either. You liar.

But then, I really do look up to those above me. In all ways and forms. It's pathetic. So?

The Alchemist is a really good book. I love it, and I'm not even through reading it. I feel motivated. Reborn! Haha. Overdramatic, I know. But well, yeah.

When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it.

I think I want it badly enough. I hope know.