Red Hot Passion
01 October 2006

You become whoever raises you

A very Happy Childrens' Day to you guys. We're all still kids at heart. Kid kid. Childish and immature. Now where's that very big and very pink Barbie doll house my father bought me?!

Today, or rather night has been very eventful. A lot of words exchanged, a lot of drama, a lot of tears, a lot of shouting, a lot of rediscovering, a lot of love. Sometimes, I dont know what to make of my family. Crazy, perhaps.

So maybe I'm harsh sometimes. Tactless, even. But I dont get it! And for god's sake, it's funny how I have to be the one relenting and so not retaliating (at all; I stood there staring past/through you) and I'm 8 years younger than you. Hello. You seriously think I cant have a war of words with you and not have a fair (dare I say good) chance of winning?!

Class? None. I felt really really insulted outside that car building. (We were looking around for a new car after breaking fast at this Thai place) You did not have to come at me like that. I was pretty damn offended thank you. But still I held it together, sucked in my pride, put on that "mature face" and tried my darn best to look as nonchalant as I could. You dont deserve the satisfaction that you got me. And you got me good.

What's worse, my whole family witnessed it and none of my parents did anything about it! (or so I thought) I felt so abandoned! Like I wasnt worth defending or something.

On the way to the other car place at Bukit Timah, I got lectured by Mother. I suppose she is right. Not that I'm entirely wrong lah. I guess I still have to work on my mouth and its dangers.

You know, adults say they cant stand the "varnish" to quote Krishna. But when you state facts, they take it so fuckin' personally. I dont get it. They say honesty's the best policy. Darn right I am, for not believing that bull. Cos when I tried it, it blew up in my face.

Well, thank god for waterproof mascara.

There I was, sitting on the curb, with my brother, tears still rolling, at the petrol kiosk having drivers stare at me with pity (yuck, do not need pity thanks) when they drive pass, (while my parents have a private talk) when she smsed me. Was really surprised she initiated it.

After putting two and two together, realised that my dad did defend me. He defended me like crazy when he talked to her one on one. He defended me so much he ended up in a fight with her and it appears, from her messages that she doesnt ever want to see him again. Ever.

And you expect me to not feel guilty?! I'm bathing, drowning in guilt now. I want to play the peacemaker but um, not exactly easy seeing that I caused it you know?

My mom told me that he could not accept the way she talked to me (shouted/put down/insulted) and was merely waiting for me to be out of ear shot before he gives it to her good. Yes, I'm very touched but I'm also very sorry.

I mean, just when things were getting a-okay with her and Pa, this had to happen. And it's kinda my fault? But it's just as much hers. I'm sorry, I have to say that. Nobody knows of the little, "insignificant" passing remarks that are hell sarcastic and of no relevance to anything.

But she did have it hard, and I was harsh and pretty damn tactless (you want it "unvarnished", I'll give you unvarnished).

Well, we made up after exchanging several smses. We cool down as fast as we heat up.

I'm still rather miffed about it actually. Like the way she "bitch-talked" me wasnt justified somehow. I guess I just dont get over things quickly. Taking too long, even. Gosh, I'm lame like that, I know.

What was funny though, was the trip back home. We were at the highway when that board was flashing "Have a pleasant day!". I couldnt help laughing out loud in disgust. Man, the irony. My mum just turned around and gave me the "how exactly can you find humour in a situation like this!?" glare.

I love my dad. Pa, I love you. Even though my supposedly "bad traits" were handed down straight from him and how I promised myself a year ago that I wouldnt ever turn out like him.. Guess you cant hide from your genes. Instead, you gotta work with it. Work around it.

Suppose you could say I learnt more about myself after the whole episode. Thinking back, even though it was only a couple of hours ago, some things I said to my mum were so darn childish. Ew, I gross myself out.

Only losers go back to something that cannot be helped, to support their stand. For example, when this bitch says something hurtful yet witty and it is the truth, and it so happened you've got nothing to say cos she's does have it all, so you say something like "but well, your nose is incredibly fugly!".

That's unclassy to the max man. Well, I havent been very graceful of late. :X Gotta do something about that. Karma does bite you back in the ass. And it bites you hard. You do something of 2 on the "bad scale" and it comes around a 4 on you. Not very pleasant.

Okay, I totally embarrassed myself in front of so many people. The whole tear-stained-cheeks-red-eyed-accentuated-puffy-eyebags-rudolph-nose look is disgusting. Even that car dealer guy was going all "Jangan nangis eh, dik" (Dont cry okay, girl) and he doesnt even know me. Just show us the car dammit and get out of my face. He probably was just being nice.

It is true. You become versions of your parents whether you like it or not. God she was really like her mum when she spat at my face, as in shouted right at my face, not spit spit.

Think happy thoughts Huda..

Nick's booty! It's your duty duty to shake your booty booty! I'm trying to psycho my mum into getting the digital box so that I can get E! so I CAN WATCH HOC! <33

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Night all. Nick Carter lovin' forever! Yay.

PS: I need to put in some loud angry songs in my phone (Yup, Linkin Park would be great right Rachel?) cos it's hard to experience and "indulge" being pissed off when the "angriest songs" are from Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake. :/ And 75% of my songs are mellow which only calms you down which sometimes isnt what you want. *shrugs

11:17 PM


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